It has come to my attention that the mega million lottery is at 200 million. Why the blank look? That’s 200 million U. S, grade A, spendable at Neimans, Nordstroms and DSW dollars. And I’m going to win it. The whole thing.
Yes. I am.
No. I haven’t bought a ticket yet. I’m waiting for a vision. So I can know exactly where to purchase this winning ticket.
And I’m really hoping it’s somewhere in Oakland County because I really don’t feel like going to, say, Maryland or somewhere else that is included in the whole mega million jackpot crap. Because I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this recently but, my car probably wouldn’t withstand a long drive. And i KNOW that I couldn’t stand driving in my car that shakes, spasms, shudders and stuff, for very long either. We have a love/hate relationship. I hate it and would love to be rid of it. First purchase with winning mega millions, new car. A big one. One that fits all my kids. And I guess my husband, too. I guess.
I also hope this vision comes to me in time. It would suck if I missed it and someone else won my money. Because then I’d have to take ’em down. And that’s no good. I’m into peace, harmony and tranquility. Well, at least until my kids get home from school. Then it’s not holds barred. And no vocal chord left unscratched (from screaming, people. DUH!) (ps. no, i really don’t expect to have a vision. just tea leaves forming the words of the store)
So, there is this dude. We’ll call him @mochadad. And he answered my tweet today about what I should write about. Isn’t that so generous and kind? Yeah. So anyway. He took a moment from his own shameless promoting to tell me that he thinks I should totally write about him. He feels that he and his blog are note-worthy. And he suggested that I write about them. Here. On my blog. Like, why in the HECK would I want to do that? Oh wait…
But really? If you aren’t following him on twitter. And if you aren’t reading his blog. You’re really missing out. He is one of my most favorite Daddy Bloggers AND twitters. I love when he sends out tweets of his own quotes. They are hilarious and, strangely enough, thought provoking. Or maybe that’s just me and the blond dye that has seeped into my brain?
Oh yes. Let us discuss my health for a moment, shall we? You know I’ve been slowly dying, right? I think I’ve mentioned it, no?
I haven’t felt well. The pain under my ribs, which was similar to pain and discomfort that I was having a couple of years ago and gall stones were ruled out. I’m there again.
So. Along with these pains. I’ve been having this feeling in my tummy. (And NO, I’m NOT pregnant so bite the tongue of your thought and then your own real tongue) I kept thinking I was hungry. And it was happening every couple of hours. So…I’d eat a little something. It would make it better for a few then it would start acting up again. It was weird. And bloaty. And…*whispers* gassy.
I was put on Prilesac, prescription strength. Reflux, I guess.
Still waiting to hear about blood work.
I have an ultrasound appointment on Friday. To check out my gall bladder. See what’s going on in there.
I really, really hope. That if…IF…I have to have my gall bladder removed. That the little feller weighs about 35 pounds.
Yeah.
Because that would TOTALLY explain why I’ve gained weight. And then, I wouldn’t have to diet. It’s a win/win for me.
By the way, we don’t need our gall bladder, do we?
And maybe, if and while, they are in there…
Someone can give me a tummy tuck and a boob job, too.
Fair enough?
That…is it for now. For. Now.
Until later. After I speak with the General Manager of the Venetian. Where I will start out being my lovely self and then, if necessary, I’ll turn into my evil twin.
Mwahahaha…
Karen says
I wanna win the lotto! Good post! Hope you feel better soon.
C @ Kid Things says
I’ve been having tummy issues since last Friday. Except I know mine is gas. My family has been LOVING me.
Lauren says
That was the most random post ever. Loves it!
Joni Golden says
I heard MegaMillions and Powerball are merging. I mean seriously – is the lottery business that bad? Or is there some nefarious scheme to create a national lottery? And what might come of that? Is bigger better or will it become some horrendous diabolical government plot to gain access to all of our social security numbers?
Wait. They already have those.
Well, feel better. My gall bladder talks to me now and again. I talk to it nicely, thank it for not letting me down after 51 years – I mean think about it, that’s a long time to be pumping – and I drink lots of water and lemon herbal tea. Surprisingly enough, it helps.
MommyTo6Kids says
Hey, when you win your money, would you find it in your kind heart to pay for a tummy tuck and a boob job for me, too?
But seriously, I hope you feel better.
🙂
staciesmadness says
roflmao…good luck on having that gall bladder weigh 35 lbs.
Karie says
*SNORT!
Tara R. says
When you go random, you really go random! Loved this… I’ve heard that if you have to have a gallbladder removed, the way it’s pulled out, straightens out wrinkles and removes any and all excess skin and fat.
Steph says
Tara R. stole my comment! I AM NOT KIDDING. Anyway, it’s true that when they do a gall bladder removal, the process of getting you back together can include removing excess skin – a tummy tuck, IOW.
Adriane says
I hate to disappoint you but I’ll be winning that MM money. Yup. I’m just sayin’….. I’ll send you a postcard when I win though! 🙂
Hyla says
HAHAHA 35 pounds that is great, let me know if that works cause if so Im calling to get mine taken out
Collette says
They want to make the lottery a nationwide thing. Of course, it’s just the govt wanting more of our money but letting us think we can get some back or have some go to our schools. Yeah, right!
Love the random blog thing!
Wonder if maybe I have 2 gall bladders & they both need to be taken out-hee hee
Dr. Phil show was NOT the one with you, but had Dooce on it…
LizzB (@hereslizz) says
I follow @mochadad but I admit I’ve never been to his blog. His tweets are funny and I think I #ff’d him last week on a list of funny tweeps.
Maybe, in the name of false definitions of extortion, I won’t visit his until he visits mine 😉
Mocha Dad says
Excellent post! The best I’ve ever read.
Kami Lewis Levin says
Just stopping by to say hi. I don’t a have comment except that I too dream of winning the lottery. And my pied a terres in Paris and New York…
Karen MEG says
Love Mochadad too, just wish I had more time to visit him.
Okay, so you know I have gall bladder issues, right? Anyhoo, as long as I’ve got it still in me I have been forced to stay away from cheese (torture) and all things rich and creamy, which sucks because I love to eat… but then the fringe benefits of losing weight don’t hurt. I know I should get it looked at, but
Glad you’re getting it checked out, though, and if you need it out, well I do hope it weighs 35 lbs – you’re hilarious;)!
Jenn says
There is nothing wrong with random rambling, it’s your blog so you can say whatever you want and if people don’t like it well they can go elsewhere ! Good luck with your call !
lori b says
my dad just had his gallbladder removed. nope…you dont need a gallbladder. and nope…it doesnt weigh 35 pounds:)