When my daughter is crying about how no one cares about her feelings. And drama this and melodrama that. And there is no rationalizing with her…because she is a hormonal tween…and not listening to anyone but her inner poor me…
Just give me a pitcher of frozen Strawberry Margaritas…hold the strawberries
When the dog has thrown up all over the living room rug. And all over the foyer rug…directly in front of the door, thus making it impossible to NOT step in it.
And my kitten has just gone into heat and is offering herself to everyone and everything including my computer, while moaning piteously…
Hook me up with a Tequila Sunrise or two…hold the sunrise. Extra tequila.
When the step-son is having his major panic, adhd, ocd, shit fits at me. And our personalities clash. And he thinks I’m giving him “looks” or rolling my eyes at him, because he is so unbelievably paranoid. And I want to run down the street pulling my hair out and screaming like a crazy lady…
I’ll take some Long Island Iced Tea…hold the ice tea and lots of Long Island!
When oldest child is lying to my face and the reality is…he IS flunking some of his classes. And his response to being told he is going to have to spend his summer in school is…a shrug. And his computer REALLY IS going to be taken away…and he shrugs again. And I had to write more emails to his teachers to get to the bottom of what’s going on…
I’ll have a glass of white wine…don’t bother with the glass.
When the in-laws are insensitive to the fact that there are five children here, but only two of them are taking into consideration. It makes me want to create a new iPhone app that you can shake the shit out of people (not babies!)although, I don’t see how THAT would make the frustration any better…
I’ll take a Kamikaze…extra pilots.
When the basement has water leaking in from outside. And it stinks to high hell down there from mildew…and FOR SURE black mold…and the carpet needs to be ripped out and the floors need to be bleached to get the stench out. Yet…no one (hubby)seems to be in a hurry to get that done. And we have a greater chance of dying from the spores zipping around the basement than the Swine Flu Bug…
Give me a double shot of vodka…followed by another double shot…with a vodka chaser…
And let’s talk about the pretty purple bathroom. That isn’t so pretty. Or purple, anymore. That is WAITING to get re-prettied. And the rush to fix that is as much of a priority as the basement. At least there aren’t the mold spores…
More vodka please. Oh, and throw a shot of whiskey in there. And while you’re at it…a couple shots of tequila.
And when the kids are fighting. And beating the crap out of each other. This one hit that one and left a purple hand print. This one kicked that one and left a bruised shin. Bras snapped. Boobs twisted. Penis’s kicked. Crying. Screaming. Whining. Tattling…
Give me a case of beer. And a bong. Maybe some wine coolers, too. Thank you.
When my husband has paid the mortgage. And the credit card bills. And the utilities. And the insurance. And all the payments go through…all at once. So there is nothing left in the bank account to buy groceries. And the children are going to starve…hopefully…
Dude…just give me a bottle…or box…or can…of whatever…
And keep ’em coming until I’m passed out on the floor or in the chair…WHEREVER…drooling…
But, I’d still have to deal with all the shit. Except, after all that drinking, I’d be tired, moody and hung over…
And everything would seem way worse…
So I’d either sober up and deal…
or start the drink fest over again.
But I did hear something about some kind of charcoal tablets taken before and after drinking can ease the hangover symptoms…
So let the binging begin…right after I pick myself up some of those tablets!
Anyone care to join me?
she who knows says
did you ever consider running away?
The Royal Barrister says
Ya, sister…you could always go home to your mommy and daddy! (can you hear me laughing from my house to yours a mile away?!!!) More likely i’ll join you on your binge…not b/c my life is as tough as yours (thank g-d for me b/c i’d be in the mental ward or jail by now) but b/c I happen to like drinking. 🙂 And, my friend the dr assures me that the charcoal tablets are the answer to my hangovers. I’ll let you know on Sunday. (you do know that i’m sitting here laughing hysterically as I type!!!)
Margo says
Hang in there, Melissa, I’m doing virtual shots with you right now. Teens are so scary to me! Mine are driving me nuts! 🙂
Tara R. says
I would love to share a pitcher of Long Island teas with you. I feel your pain, if not your hangover.
Steph says
I’m with you. But vodka. That’s all I really want. It’s not so much to ask, right?
the planet of janet says
bottom’s up, my friend. bottom’s up.
lord knows you’re entitled.
Courtney says
I say go for it…I’ll be here slicing the lemons & making sure the salt shaker is filled when you get back from buying those pills.
staciesmadness says
i’ll take TWO of what your having (drinkx not issues)
The Retired One says
So sorry you had such a bad day….all I can say from experience raising the herd is “this, too shall pass”.
Here I sit, no children noises in the house, quiet as can be….
and what do I miss? The noise!!
The Retirement Chronicles
Kristin says
Sometimes the only solution is to crack open a bottle of champagne and let the boozing begin!
Carrie says
Had a margarita for you! It was great! Drank 2 of them yesterday during happy hour with the “girls” Need to get together and have on together! Take care and have a wonderful weekend! Tweet ya later
lorib says
wow…your house sounds kinda like mine. only not as many kids. but definitely with the animals. id like to pull my hair out too…except i only have like 10 strands left and i kinda, sorta need them! 🙂