I spend much of my day on Twitter, either lurking or participating. There are certain things said by some Mommy Bloggers that make me want to go all Exorcist-like on them. I sometimes type in responses in my little Tweetbox but then erase them because, well, it’s just not worth it. After all, they know much more than I do. Just ask them.
So, I was inspired by this post to write my own list.
This list is called “How I would annoy certain people on Twitter” or “Things I’ve done as a Mom that would make some other Mommy bloggers heads spin”.
1. Cry it out. Yep. I’ve let my children cry for hours on end. Even until they puked. Did I feel good about it? No. But, it took one night to work for my oldest son, who is now almost 15 and lived through it. My daughter, it never worked for. And my youngest, who is 6, it didn’t work well either. It didn’t stop me from trying to achieve the same outstanding success I had with my oldest though.
2. I fed two of my children Nestle formula. And guess what? I’d do it again. Smart Start. And want to know the real “shocker”? My hospital gave me the original sample. Also? I feed my family foods that were made by Nestle.
3. I hated breast-feeding. I did it. But it was awful and I had to supplement with formula. Nestle formula. I’ve written about this before but, my step kids who weren’t nursed a day in their life? They were healthier than my kids who were nursed. A lot. For hours on end. For months and months. Through painful, cracked and bleeding nipples.
4. Yes, you should be able to nurse in public. But cover up. I don’t need my kids staring at your boobs at a restaurant. You’re entitled to your rights but I sure as hell am entitled to mine, too.
5. I give my kids tylenol, motrin, eggs, sugar and McDonalds. I let them stay up too late. They play way too many video games. I swear. I scream. We live in chaos. They’re turning out just fine. And they won’t be delusional when they make it into the real world eventually.
6. My boys were circumcised. It’s part of our religion, yes. But I would have done it anyways. Guess what? You can ask my husband, my sons, my dad…none of them even remember their bris. If you spoke with a long ago ex-boyfriend who came over from Russia and was circumcised when he was nine, he remembers the pain. But, he would also tell you that he wouldn’t have it any other way.
7. I never used a baby sling, not ever. I tried it for about thirty seconds. Quite honestly, it annoyed the piss out of me to have my baby hanging from me.
8. Co-sleeping? Only if my kid wakes up in the middle of the night and calls for me. Otherwise, my bed is for my husband and me. Period.
9. My kids will turn out just fine, aside from typical or genetic issues. They will end up no different than a kid who nursed for the first five years of his life, while sleeping in bed with parents and only eating organic vegan.
10. Mommy bloggers are entitled to their opinions, for sure. But the minute they start shoving their beliefs down the throat of others or degrading them for practices that they don’t agree with? That’s when I just want to slip my hands through my computer screen and slap the sanctimonious right out of them.
11. Some people need to get over themselves.
Allison Zapata says
And this is why I like you.
Jennifer´s last blog post ..Welcome back
Melisa with one S (PH) says
I LOVE this post.
I do the same thing: start typing in the little box and then go, “Aw crap, what good will that do?” and then delete. (must be a Jewish thing? hahaha Just kidding: we can’t be the only ones!)
Melisa with one S (PH)´s last blog post ..Nine Months Overdue- But Whos Counting Besides Me
I have to bite my tongue on twitter and Facebook when I see
A.) Young mothers fret over tiny things
– I want to tell them that it gets much worse and to enjoy the little ones.
B.) When mothers preach
– They make everyone else feel so bad.
– They make me throw up in my mouth.
– They should get off of twitter/facebook which they are on 24/7 and actually look into their babies eyes when breastfeeding instead of writing comments “Sorry for any typos – I am breastfeeding my child.” (OH MY GOSH – WE SHOULD SELL TEE SHIRTS LIKE THAT. WITH THAT SLOGAN. THEY WOULD LOVE IT.)
OHmommy´s last blog post ..A shortcut to pumpkin bread- for dummies
Hahahaha… I am laughing out loud by myself here.
“Sorry for any typos – I am breastfeeding my child.”
OHmommy´s last blog post ..A shortcut to pumpkin bread- for dummies
Allison Zapata says
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA @ OHmommy!
oh my gosh. the things i could say. my kids are circumcised, too. mormon, not jewish. my husband was like, my sons aren’t gonna be the only ones in the locker room with hats on their snakes! or something like that. i’m pretty sure i fabricated most of that last sentence, but you get the picture. also, i agree with every single other thing on your list. like, i could have written it myself. in fact, i think i have written it myself. it’s floating somewhere in cyberspace.
Alexis´s last blog post ..she just totally went there
The thing about the sanctimony of the activist mothers that gets me is that first time mothers are so vulnerable to feeling they are doing it wrong. It’s just criminal. Once you’ve had one kid and figured things out, you pretty much can figure out that they are full of shit. But during those first few weeks, these women are like terrorists.
ABDPBT´s last blog post ..It’s Not A Gun- It’s A Stomp Rocket Try Not To Judge
Oh, Melissa…thank you, thank you, thank you! I am so tired of self-righteous assholes who think their way is the ONLY way. Honestly, before I had a kid of my own, I was one of those people who would have thought you were just awful. Then reality sets in. You realize that it’s ok to watch some TV and eat some McDonald’s…it’s ok to do what works best in your house. I don’t necessarily agree with everything you wrote on this list and I know I certainly don’t have to. What I like is that you are not preaching for us all to be LIKE you…you just (much like myself) want people to get a grip and get off their friggin high horse.
And my kid has a hat on his snake…but I don’t give a shit if anyone else’s kid has it or not. Just a choice we made. I have a friend who is a total anti-circumcision nazi and tries to make other people feel terrible for “abusing” their children with circumcision. Awful to do that to another mother. Some people! UGH!
Fantastic list! As a first time mom, I was so glad that I didn’t find Twitter/Facebook/message boards/whatever until after I had made my way on my own a little bit. Sometimes I do ask for advice and I’m happy to help if someone asks me for something, but I hate the unsolicited rants!!
I may not agree with everything you wrote, but I love that you said it! My addition (and the one that I get creamed for every time) is that my daughter is FULLY vaccinated and I’m damn proud of it!
The_BMG´s last blog post ..Panic Room
Oh my heck. I left you this really awesome comment – and now the damn thing is gone.
I LOVE this post! Love it!!
What my original comment boiled down to it’s not about “them”, it’s about “ME” and what works best for “Me & my child”. And, if you want to judge me for that – well, then, have at it. But, if the sanctimonious moms were really the “better” moms in the first place then they wouldn’t be judging me for my choices – instead, they would be supporting me.
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Joni Golden says
Here’s my only thought: Mothers who are blessed with healthy babies should be spreading gratitude and compassion. Everything else is ego.
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Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos says
OH how I adore you!!!!!! I love this post. It’s the best ever!
Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos´s last blog post ..An Open Letter To Mr Saggy Pants
I’m so glad blogs, etc weren’t around when I was a new mom – I would have lost it completely. This post was perfect (and sounds like something I could have written – right down to the saying no to co-sleeping and circumcision – although we’re Catholic not Jewish). Take a bow, Melissa – this post hit the nail on the head.
Gigi´s last blog post ..Sometimes you win-sometimes you lose- but in the end its how you behave
Um, Burger King chicken nuggets are fucking delicious. As are their milkshakes.
and yeah. Circumcision. I hate people FREAKING the FUCK out over it. My kids will be circumcised. Whatever. I’m not debating that crap!
My ex had it done at 6, because he was born overseas. He’s batshit insane. But not because he got circumcised later in life. Trust me on that one.
Also, I curse. A lot. Whateves dude. The world will deal.
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Another Suburban Mom says
This was hys.fucking.sterical!! I just smile and wave at those mommies.
Another Suburban Mom´s last blog post ..Bloggercation
Yes, yes and yes. I absolutely hated breast-feeding, but still felt pressured to try by the beast of a lactation “specialist” who came in the hospital room and man-handled my boobs in a manner that made me feel like a farm animal. They really don’t like it when you tell them no.
Dangermonkey´s last blog post ..Things I Miss- Part I
I’m number 5 all the way. I don’t beat myself up over it. I hated breast feeding too. And I agree, feed where you want to but you should cover it up. Out of decency.
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OMG! Nestle’s formula??? Some good DHS on the 4-1-1! (-;
I used to belong to a mommy community, but dropped out for those very reasons. I didn’t breastfeed b/c I hated it. It did not feel natural; it felt suffocating to me. I used disposable diapers and wipes, have my kids vaccinated on a regular basis, let them eat cake for breakfast on days when I don’t feel like fighting, and let them watch TV all day long if they want. Obviously, I’m no candidate for Mommy of the Year.
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Janice @ Mom On The Run says
Great post! I’m all for attachment parenting, extended nursing, co-sleeping etc… But it doesn’t make me better than anyone else and I sure as hell don’t shove it down people’s throats or belittle others for having different choices than me. Some people are so intolerant of diversity, like you, it drives me nuts to read their one-sided tweets & rants.
BTW – I signed up for Nestle Baby – I’ve got my backpack, complimentary bottle and free Good Start formula all ready to go. Daddy is feeding one bottle of FORMULA at bedtime everynight! I guess that makes me a bad mom in those other mommy bloggers eyes. Oh well – they can suck my left you know what and choke on a mouthful of colustrum!
Janice @ Mom On The Run´s last blog post ..Motivation Monday- September 27- 2010
I have had more than a few people tell me that circumcising my son was barbaric. A few tried to tell me that I was wrecking his sexual experience. Well, the religious obligation and my desire for him not to be the only turtle influenced things there.
And FWIW, that sex thing is ridiculous because unless, teeth, sandpaper or similar type objects are involved everything works quite well down there.
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Patty@NYC Girl at Heart says
I’m not a mom yet but this is how my parents raised us without all the tiptoe-ing about every little thing. I wasn’t breast fed and I am healthy (knock on wood) than most adults my own age. Maybe I should start asking them if they were breast fed 🙂
And seriously what did Nestle do? Again I’m not a mom yet so I skipped over those posts. I have enough to worry about in my own life.
Zoey @ Good Goog says
This was a great post – and I completely agree with you. Even though I breastfed and enjoyed it (mostly) and sometimes in public without a cover, I didn’t do cry-it-out, we co-slept for ages and if the jellybean I’m currently pregnant with is a boy we wouldn’t have him circumcised.
But I would never suggest that anyone replace their judgment with mine. People will make different choices, not superior or inferior but different. And the thing that their kids will probably remember is that special meal that their mum cooked them or being looked after when they were sick or how they were loved with the ferocity that only a parent can muster.
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YES!! Hallelujah! I have found a blogger with common sense! Thank you for that. I agree pretty much with everything on your list. But even if I didn’t, how refreshing it would be to see that not every mom is such a sheep following the current trends. My kids are pretty much grown and they have turned out just awesome. Thank God that back when I was having babies there weren’t so many flippin’ rules to follow. It was OK for kids to watch TV and eat junk food and drink bottles and wear disposable diapers. And sleep alone in their cribs. With blankets and pillows. etc…
And I really don’t get this cosleeping thing. Really? That is bizarre. Does it stop at some point or do you just keep all sleeping together until the kids go to college? Or maybe they are so used to sleeping with the whole family together they don’t want to leave home to go to college?
Oops – did not mean to be judgmental about the cosleeping thing. Now that I see my comment posted it sounds kind of mean. If it works for a family then that is great for them. If everybody sleeps well and they all love the arrangement then that is their business and nobody else’s. I just don’t agree with them judging those who make their poor kids sleep alone. So I shouldn’t judge them either. Sorry.