My youngest son is done with camp. He went for two weeks. He loved it. He was busy and out of my hair from 9:30am until 3:30pm, Monday through Friday.

It was a win-win.

I got things done. (Not really but I made a sure-fired effort at pretending to get things done)

My mind reattached itself to my cranial cavity. Not really because my two oldest are home. And really? I never noticed how incredibly babyish and whiney two teenagers can get when they have nothing to do. Which, by the way, was completely THEIR choice. They rejected every offer of camp and military school that I threw out at them.

And he was running around like the animal he is. He even, for two weeks, went to bed at a semi-normal six year old time (except when my husband had poker because…well, we won’t get into that. I might lose my mind again)

Sigh.

To make matters WAY worse than worse. My husband is now, officially, home for the summer.

He’s a slave driver.

He’s made it clear that I’m “not allowed” to sit on my laptop all day, that there are things to do around the house.

I pretty much rolled my eyes at him and in my mind…I told him to fuck off. Like I always tell my children, you can say WHATEVER you want, in your head only. Not that it goes over so well. ANNND…it may or may not have exactly STAYED silently screaming in my mind. It might have come down through my sinuses and out my mouth. I don’t know. Remember, I told you my mind JUST reattached itself. We were just starting to get re-synched, jiving, working as one. At this juncture in the process, I can’t be held responsible for my own verbal diarrhea.

Next Thursday, hurry. I could use a drunk-fest bonding time with my girlfriends.

On an altogether different plateau of thought…

My husband, when he actually was at work, up until today, booked a trip for us. Because, when I say he was at work, it doesn’t necessarily mean he was working hard. He headed the summer school. I’m not sure, exactly, what the summer school head people do besides book trips, scope out Craigslist for videographers and text their wives, which drives their wives up the wall. No, it’s cute. Really. *eye shift* (Have I mentioned that he has been reading my blog a lot because he is starting his own? Yes, and I think he might be stealing my posts. Don’t worry, I have my eyes glued on him. He thinks his blog is going to be better than mine. Ha!)

So where was I?

Ah.

Trips.

We are going to the wine country of Michigan. Did you know we had wine country? Nope, me either, until recently.

Anywhoo…

We have some shit kicking Rieslings here. We do. And I’m going to drink my weight in it. Also, there is some sort of cherry wine that I was told to try…so what the heck, I’ll try it. As long as there is alcohol content, I’m good to go.

And guess what? I don’t remember if I mentioned before but Ford is giving me a Lincoln MKT to test drive for a week, when I get back from Blogher.

They are.

And they gave me permission to drive it to Suttons Bay, Michigan…or wherever the heck we are staying. All I know is, there is wine and there is gambling. There are probably loose women too. Luckily, my husband is with one. It makes it all that much easier on him.

We won’t drink and drive. It’s not our car to crash.

When we get back, summer is almost over.

Finally.

I need my schedule back. My me time. Not one single person in the house between the hours of rooster crowing and late afternoon.

I need to get back to complaining about winter and wishing for summer and impatiently waiting for Blogher ’11.

Ah, the carefree days of the school year, when I REALLY can productively get things done. When my creative juices flow and stories are bountiful.

So many interesting things going on during the school year. When I’m all alone. Inside my house. At the kitchen table. With my laptop. Alone. Hoping and worrying that no one sets a bomb off inside my kids school and my husband makes it to school during rush hour safely.

Yep, looking really forward to that.

Obviously.

I can’t believe a whole year has passed since Blogher ’09, Chicago. I remember how nervous I was. How worried I was about the impression I would make. If I would like my bloggy friends IRL and even more…if they would like me. Blogher, for a first conference ever was like going to sleepaway camp for the first time and going the whole summer. It’s BIG TIME. It’s the largest, most overwhelming experience I have ever had (different from marriage and giving birth). Overload of senses.

I wrote this post, last year, Laying Naked On The Examination Table. I posted it a few days before I was to leave for Chicago. Upon re-reading it, I realize that, this year, I have many of the exact same fears that I had last year. I may not be as nervous, except for the flying part. I HATE flying. I kind of know what to expect, as far as the conference/senses overload part. I didn’t go crazy with buying clothing or shoes this time. But how I’m feeling…the butterflies, they are the same species that flapped around last year.

Instead of writing a whole new post, I decided to just repost the main part of my post dated July 22, 2009…

I’m having some sort of mid-life limbo identity inferiority complex with my blog right now.
And I’m going to put it out there for all of you.
As you know, Blogher is fast approaching. A few days. Holy SHIT!!!
So many of you are having breakdowns over what to wear. What shoes to bring. What products to pack. What luggage to bring. What bag to put your swag in.
I’m fine on all of that. Whatever. I don’t care. It all seems so silly.
I’m pretty. I have great hair. I have great taste. I can make a paper bag look stylish with the right accessories and shoes. Although, it has to be an extra large paper bag, but still. I’m not there to impress anyone with my looks.
Now that I’ve figured out what parties to go to.
And my sessions have been chosen.
My real insecurity has come blazing forward, guns drawn…
My blog.
It’s my biggest insecurity.
I talk a big fucking talk. Oh yeah. I’m proud of some of my posts. And I think I have a kick ass blog name.
But really.
I’m feeling intimidated. And overwhelmed. Not in an OverwhelmHer type way, either.
In a what the fuck am I doing going to Blogher, type way.
Is my blog really worthy enough?
Do I really have anything to say?
Do I write well enough?
Am I interesting? Funny?
Do people really like me or am I being humored?
I’m trying to change my thought process into…I’m going so I can finally meet my friends, IN REAL LIFE.
I’m trying to lessen the fact that one of the reasons for Blogher is, I’m making this trip so I can promote my blog.
Because that is THE ONLY THING that is really.
Truly.
Scaring the piss out of me.
Because, when it comes down to it…
It really doesn’t matter what you brought with you to wear to Blogher.
Or how many pairs of stilettos or flats.
It doesn’t matter what color your little dress is.
It doesn’t really matter what swag you passed out or received.
Or even really who sponsored you.
Because, when it’s all over.
And we’ve exchanged our cards.
And we’ve poked with our Pokens.
And we’ve bumped our iPhones.
We’ve hugged. Kissed.
We’ve boarded our planes, trains, cars…
headed home with our hangovers and giggles.
We’re back to basics.
Writing posts.
Desperately twittering to remind people that we have a new post, because we didn’t get enough comments for our comment whore-ish liking.
Trying to reach out to our new blog friends.
Visiting our established friends blogs.
Trying to find our place in this hugely cut-throat competitive and drama ridden Mommy Blogosphere.
And I really wonder, aside from my love of writing.
Do I have what it takes to keep my new and old friends interested in hanging out with me and my blog?
There you have it.
Legs spread wide open for my pap smear and I didn’t shave the bush.
Hit publish.

My Little Ditty Of Advice For Blogher 10 from melissa brodsky on Vimeo.

Tips to remember, if you didn’t catch them in my video…

Bring comfy shoes!
Bring a large purse/bag for shoe exchange and swag. There is a LOT of swag.
Don’t spend a fortune on clothing! Check out the I.N.C line at Macy’s!
Motrin!!
Breathe!

Oh yeah…drink LOTS of water!

Check out these other great posts:
MomSpark writes about how to prepare for and what to expect at Blogher.

ScaryMommy and her Newbies Guide To Blogher

Also, remember to have fun. These are only bloggers, they aren’t rock stars or movies stars. There is no reason to be nervous about meeting your favorites.

So, hubby is annoying me because I said “ummm” too much. I couldn’t help it, my mind was working too fast. And the picture frame bugs. WHATEV.

Anywhooo…

My advice. From me to you.

Almost a year has passed since Blogher 09, The Chicago version. Around right now, last year, I was already starting to write posts. You should check those out. They were pretty good. I think my writing has regressed since then. Ah me.

Where was I? Ah yes. Blogher.

Last year, I registered for the parties only a couple weeks prior to my arrival in Chicago. And you know what? I got into every single party I registered for. This year? Not only are they ALREADY sold out, but you need some sort of Blogher Conference ticket confirmation number as proof that you are registered for the weekend festivities. I got my humungously expanding fat ass into the Peoples Party and Sparklecorn. Yay me. But Cheeseburgher and Blogalicious are already starting their waiting list and I’m hanging out on it.

Seriously. Give me a break. I sure deserve it. Oh, sorry.

I’m doing some major eye rolling. Why? I honestly don’t care if I didn’t get into Cheeseburgher or Blogalicious. Because I kind of like the idea of not being over-committed. I’m risking the chance that my eyeballs stay rolled because I wonder how and why the parties are ALREADY sold out when so many of us haven’t even secured a room or a flight…including me. I have my full conference pass at student rates, mind you!! AND two parties. Yes, priorities people. I have to get my drink on, at least a few times while I’m there. But, I truly believe, and this is just me, there is some controlling of the parties going on due to fears of repeat behavior. And with the way bloggers behaved last year, I kind of don’t blame the powers that BlogHer.

And the swag? I’m going to be flying. Which means, paying astronomical prices to bring a carry on AND a regular piece of luggage which will be carrying clothing that are a few sizes bigger than I was last year (remember not to stare because my thyroid has taken over). I’m not going to be taking too much extra crap home with me. Besides, that isn’t why I am going to the parties. I only care about two things and two things only…my friends and libations. I’m not wanting to go bankrupt by taking a luggage home that weighs more than I do.

I’m just shocked. And amazed. Here I’ve barely begun thinking about where to shop for muu muus of epic size and proportions and now? I might be all dressed up with nowhere to go with the way these parties were thrown upon us, seemingly without any warning. Plus, at the rate I’m going, no way to get there and nowhere to stay.

So. If you have nowhere to go on Friday night and Saturday night aside from a fun little party here or there. You know…New York is known for its nightlife.

We can make our own party…New YorkHer 2010. Watch out New York. Crazed bloggers are on the loose and we are going to be hitting your bars and nightclubs. Maybe. Depending on if we can find stuff to do at our little conference that we paid a bunch of money for and travelled a bunch of miles to get to…

Just sayin’

I used to be entertaining. I mean, you’d come to this blog expecting a laugh or two. And I delivered. Well, *I* laughed at least.

Bam. Life got very unfunny and way too serious for my comfort zone. Not one single person in my personal circle has been acting the least bit humorous or blogpost worthy. It’s been absolutely horrendous. In fact, I’m seriously considering becoming an alcoholic or drug addict. Maybe both. I’m hoping that in a drunken or high state, I’ll have some interesting experiences to write about. NO, not really. But seriously? This blockage is getting toxic.

I want to thank all of you wonderous people for saying prayers for my Mom. She’s home from the hospital now. Although, I was much more comfortable with her being there under close observation. It was very reassuring to know that if, G-D forbid something happened in the middle of the night, she was in the right place…the hospital, where they could inject her with the right meds for whatever the problem might be. But now, with her being at home, it’s very possible that if she gets sick and cries out for help, the only response she’ll get is a snore and a fart. Kind of a worrisome situation. I guess I just to have faith in the fact that my Dad will be able to hear her through all that racket and be able to react in time.

I need a vacation. Desperately. Someplace warm, although from what I understand, the entire U.S…excluding Hawaii…has been cold and snowy due to the “Snowpacolypse” and I don’t have a passport so I may be stuck buying a sunlamp and locking myself in my bathroom. Assuming I’m not snowed in by another one of those passing storms. Sigh.

BUT. I bought my Blogher ’10 tickets. So that’s something! A little vacation to look forward to. Hanging with my friends, over there in the Big Apple. I’ve already begun thinking about what to wear. NO…not for real. Well, I might have had a passing thought about whether or not I can wear my super cool kimono shirt again. Hey, I’m allowed to have some simple and narcissistic thoughts, considering all the shit that’s going down around me in my world.

Anyway, this is a quick check-in so that my blog doesn’t feel all neglected and stuff. Because yes, my blog has feelings too.

Again, thank you so much for all your support on Twitter. Your prayers and thoughts mean so much to me.

XOXO