This guy was given a ‘relationship’ column and is considered a relationship ‘expert’. Yet, after a few years of marriage, he got divorced. So now, he’s considered an expert on why marriages don’t work.
I am one of the people that shared the linked post on my Facebook wall. I put it up without comment basically because I had no words.
With every so-called point he made, I wanted to slap him. Because..seriously?
I’ve had one failed marriage and one, so-far successful marriage. Which makes me an ‘expert’ on both sides of the coin. Well, expert enough to call BS on the article.
My first marriage was pre-social media. And that was an epic flop. I didn’t need Facebook, apps or anything else for that one to end in divorce, it did the old fashioned way. Breakdown of everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, within the relationship.
This time around, I’m going on 13 years of marriage. Out of those 13 years, I’ve been blogging and doing social media for around 9 of them. So yeah, for the majority of my marriage, I’ve been online. And, you know what? Hasn’t hurt the marriage at all.
The author claims that sex becomes non-existent. I say WHAT THE WHAT? Um, nope. Just because your sex became non-existent, thus aiding in ending your marriage, does not mean EVERYONE’S sex becomes non-existent. I have a gag-order ordered upon me when it comes to discussing our sex life on the Internet. But, it’s still going strong, thank you very much. Wink. Wink. Nod. Nod. Giggle. High fives all around.
He claims there isn’t any connection anymore and sex becomes boring. So, why is it what happened in your bedroom, which is clearly the fault of you and your ex, becomes a benchmark for all marriages? Nope. Not even close, buddy. Maybe, after awhile, that intensity subsides. You know, where you see that person and all you want to do is them. Just because that intense desire isn’t there, doesn’t mean the desire is gone. It changes. Evolves. It becomes more of a connection than ever before. It’s a release, a bond, familiar and sometimes…it can be animalistic.
When it comes to finances, we all have issues. Well, unless you’re in the 1%. Here’s my expert opinion…your excuse is 1 out of 5 copouts you are using as expert relationship opinion. True, many marriages end because of the stress of finances. It’s been that way for eons. Nothing new there. Shit is expensive. Life is expensive. Kids are expensive. Necessities are expensive. Somehow, you make it work. So, you don’t go out to eat four times a week. Maybe once a week. Maybe once a month. Gifts? Sometimes. Cards? Can be just as nice as gifts. Kind deeds, awesome. Empty the dishwasher. Give her/him a foot massage. Or another kind of massage. Be a giver, not a taker..if ya know what I mean. Cuts down on expenses, therefore cutting down the chances of divorce.
Yeah, we’re more connected and disconnected. Why is that a bad thing? Here is a direct, eye-roll inducing quote, “Let’s face it, the last time you “spoke” to the person you love, you didn’t even hear their voice.”
Texting can be a great way to communicate throughout the day, especially if one or both parties have busy day jobs yet want the other one to know that they are thinking of them. My husband and I text all day long. Also, we text from home, too. Sometimes, the texting is sexting. Sometimes, it’s being silly. Sometimes, we are trying to plot something and the kids are around and we don’t want them to know what we are plotting. We’d speak a different language, if we could. But, I don’t know any, so that’s kind of an issue.
Why is it bad to have flowers delivered through an app on the phone? It’s the way things are done these days. And, it’s still the same sentiment as if he went to a flower shop and ordered them from there.
As for hearing his voice, we talk all the time. And, you know what else? We laugh a lot. At AND with each other. It’s pretty cool.
Vacations, he says, aren’t the same anymore. Because of people constantly taking pics from the smartphones, finding a filter, picking a hashtag and then posting them. Yeah. But, when I was on my honeymoon with my ex-husband, his eyeball was behind the camcorder the entire time. We had not one pic of us together because his eyeball was becoming one with the lens. That’s not why my marriage ended, though.
My husband and I, when we go away..which is rare because, well, finances. We take a ton of pics. Us-ies. Selfies. Together-ies.
You’re just nit-picking.
Some of us can enjoy the moment, capture it, put it on Facebook and enjoy it more.
It’s all about balance, though. Nothing new.
Another quote that made me want to scream was, “Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you.”
No. It’s not social media that invited them, it’s the person using the platforms.
When my husband asks me to not post something, I don’t. Because, RESPECT.
If there is no respect in a marriage, then it doesn’t matter about what you’re posting, saying, doing..whether you’re connected or not.
Marriages fail. It’s a fact.
Not all marriages fail.
That’s another fact.
Peaks and valleys.
Ebbs and flows.
50 shades of grey.
Here’s the deal. Marriages can and do work. But, the keyword is ‘work’. It takes effort from both partners. The desire to make a marriage work has to be in the heart and soul of both people involved. You have to be a taker AND a giver.
You aren’t going to like somebody all of the time.
You aren’t going to love somebody all the time.
It’s how it is.
If one person has their nose in their device, staring at naked pics and posting stuff of themselves while the other person is clearing their throat and asking for attention..yeah, then there’s an issue.
I know that article was written in hopes of going viral and it did. I’m happy to say that when I posted it on my wall, many of my friends completely disagreed with it in the same way I did.
One thing I do agree with him about is marriage is sacred. Love is sacred.
Which is why marriages work.
And marriages take work to work.
Unless, of course, you married the wrong person.
Check out this post on The Confessions of a Real Mom. It’s pretty awesome and she says it way better than I do!