Once upon a time, the old Queen…the one that wrote about anything and everything and didn’t care about the backlash..wrote about the fact that parents have sex. And the other fact that her royal pain in the asses..er…princesses… seemed to be eavesdropping in on the Royal Chamber when the Royal Couple was copulating.
Naughty, naughty, little lambs.
Okay, I forgot, I’m not talking about myself, the Queen, in 3rd person anymore. Ahem..I shall continue but in 1st person.
So, the years have passed since I wrote about that little..incident. But, things haven’t changed all that much within the confines of the castle.
The princesses claim the common wall between our two chambers is made of paper thin construction. They swear they can hear everything. I feign innocence because innocent I am. What?
The princesses claim that every bed squeak, grunt and moan sounds like it’s coming from within their very own bedroom.
I, the Queen, tell them that perhaps they should consider going to sleep before us so they don’t have to hear anything. But teens stay up, all night long. It’s an issue in the kingdom. Because the King and Queen aren’t teenagers and they need to go to sleep. So, they can’t wait around until their royal children are sleeping. They have things to get done before they aren’t able to keep their eyes open.
Growing older sucks. I don’t remember ever getting the type of tired I get now.
Anyway. Back to their point, which was regarding sex in the kingdom.
It happens. Thankfully.
The kids will maintain, forever, that they hear it.
But now, fast forward a few years after the original post was written.
The princesses are now teenagers. The youngest princess…she’s 16.
I don’t even want to talk about the fact that she got her drivers license. Which I won’t talk about because that’s not the point of this post.
The youngest princess and her adorable friend were sitting and entertaining me, the Queen, one evening.
The King and youngest prince were out of town on a camping trip, it was kind of nice and there will be a post about it some other time.
The girls were discussing various subjects, the conversation was flowing all over the place. And they seemed to enjoy including me in the conversation. I felt like a teenager again. Well, sort of. As much as a 45 year old woman could.
The conversation flowed. It went from gossip to clothes to boys to…my blog.
Her friend was interested in hearing about my blog. She was curious about the content. I said I was a ‘Lifestyle Blogger” who threw out mind vomit.
That’s when my daughter…as my Southern friends would say…Bless her heart…took advantage of this opportunity that had presented itself.
My sweet little sixteen year old shit.
She just had to go and bring up her parents sex life.
Suddenly, she starting chirping about the time I posted about the night the Princesses were listening to us have sex. (The link to the post is up at the top of this post).
Suddenly, the kitchen became alive with chatter amongst the two girls regarding the sex life of the Queen and King.
While the Queen..me…was sitting right there, present. Listening. Catatonic. Mortified. Horrified.
Yet, so very entertained.
I listened as my daughter regaled her friend with details of how often she hears us, the contents of the bedside table drawer and condoms left in the toilet or garbage.
That seemed to make my daughter very happy. She giddily pointed it out which made me blush even more.
Which made her go into more detail.
Which made me blush more. (I can’t help it, I blush a lot. Always have.)
I then reminded her that the master bath is our private bathroom and if we want to throw the condoms out, we are entitled. And perhaps she should not be visiting our bathroom if she doesn’t want to actually see the evidence. And furthermore, that’s what she gets for going into the bathroom to steal my lotion, hair products or make up. And also…why is she looking in the garbage anyway?
Note to self, always remember to make sure the condoms are hidden or flushed because there are spies everywhere within the confines of this kingdom.
Needless to say, I…the Queen..realized my daughter, the princess…had turned the table, in her own way, on her blogging mom, the Queen. And the kid was pretty smug about it!
Instead of me, blabbering on the blog about all the things my children don’t want me blabbering about…which, by the way, I haven’t been blabbering much which is why my blog had been empty for so long…
My daughter became the blabberer, gossiping about me to her friends.
Yeah, I think it was basically the same thing as me spilling her stuff on my blog. And I think she has the same amount of friends as I do blog readers…like a half dozen or so.
When the conversation had finally switched over to something more teenager-like, my daughter looked at me and asked if I was going to blog about our conversation.
Of course, I said yes.
What other way do I have to get her back?
That’s why the Queen has a blog…to embarrass my children forever. It’s my duty and right as a Mother, Blogger and Queen of a Kingdom.
Because I was somehow able to turn the table back in my favor.
And order in the Kingdom was, once again, restored.
The Queen…I sighed.
And then went to bed because it was getting late and even though I felt like a teenager for a bit, I realized I am getting old and can’t stay up past midnight.
Or I turn into a Wicked Witch.