Waving the White Flag but NOT Surrendering

I’m tired of being shrugged at by professionals who have no clue what to make of my children. There’s nothing wrong with my children.

I’m tired of diagnoses constantly changing to fit new meds. And new meds to fit new diagnoses. And the whole vicious cycle.

I’m tired of teachers not understanding my student. And of constantly having to defend my student. Why do I have to do that?

I’m tired of meetings and emails complaining about my child because there is no pigeonhole he fits into. He shouldn’t have to.

I’m tired of being made to feel like there is something wrong when my child likes scary movies and zombies. And guns. Toy guns.

I’m tired of telling my kid to omit parts of the truth so he’ll avoid trouble at school. Because of being misunderstood.

I’m tired of Common Core and Standardized tests that make everything so much worse.

I’m tired of asking because I should know the answer already. There isn’t one. Answers vary depending on who you ask and what day it is.

I’m tired of there being not enough resources for advocates. Especially those of us searching for answers when it comes to our children and their mental health.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m ‘that’ mom.

I’m tired of being made to feel like I have ‘that’ child. Or ‘those’ children.

I’m tired of not having the finances that would enable my children to be in the type of places they’d blossom in.

I’m tired of feeling like my kid isn’t liked by his teacher simply because his teacher doesn’t understand my child.

I’m tired of others wanting me to medicate my kid to make their life easier. ADD doesn’t always need medication. Depression, however, does.

I’m tired of mental illness and how it affects my son.

I’m tired of mental illness and how it affects my family.

I’m tired of limited options. And cookie cutter options. Life isn’t a one-size-fits-all.

I’m tired of not feeling like I have the right support. And yet, I don’t even know how to find it because I don’t really know what it is I need.

I’m tired of being hand-patted because I’m going on Mommy instinct. The meds are making my kid worse, I don’t want to add more to those meds, I want him off THAT med and put on a different one.

I’m tired of feeling overwhelmed and alone.

I’m tired of my child suffering and withdrawing despite my efforts.

I’m tired of feeling like I have to make excuses.

I’m tired of feeling guilty on so many levels.

I’m just so tired of not having answers.

I’m tired of not knowing the right questions to ask.

I’m tired of not being able to help my own child because there is no exact science or blood test, just medicinal trial and error.

I’m tired of the suck that is our mental health care system.

I’m tired. But I’ll never, ever be tired enough to surrender. Not when it comes to my kids.

But, I’m just really tired of it. There needs to be something out there for moms like me, a guide…a road map…to help us find the right schools, the right treatments, the right things for our children.

I need answers.

I need a plan.

I’m not giving up.

Because I can’t.

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