Hi. Listen, there’s something I’d like to discuss with certain non-custodial parents. It’s about this little thing called responsibility. And hey, if you’re a non-custodial that is taking on your end of the responsibility then you deserve an award because that’s awesome and this isn’t directed toward you.
You see, I’m the custodial parent of two kids. And, come hell or high water (gotta love those little sayings), that’s the only way I would have had it. And I think there are many custodial parents who feel that way too. Who has custody, however, does not exonerate the one who doesn’t. It takes two people to have these people, right? I mean, I know that as amazing as I think my kids are, I did not have anything along the lines of a virgin birth. Non custodial parents…you still have to help take care of those children you helped create.
Sure, I know all about child support. I get it. You give money every month (hopefully) which aids in the support of those children. My question is, how far do you expect that money to go? Here, I’ll cite an example for you. Say you, the non-custodial, is giving your ex $1000 a month in child support. Say that ex is remarried and also has her own job but isn’t making a ton of money. Are you with me so far? Okay, so part of that $1000 a month goes to the roof that is over your children’s heads, right? And part of it goes to groceries. And part of it goes to…oh wait, after the basics, there isn’t really any money left, now is there? Nope. There isn’t.
You see, after the general and basics, there is nothing left for, say, other basics. Like, for example, Drivers Training. Or an emergency medical bill that suddenly comes along. Or ANYTHING else, for that matter.
I agree, of course, that it is definitely 1/2 of the custodial parents responsibility. HALF. But, it’s definitely NOT the custodial parents new spouses responsibility to pick up where you are slacking. And honestly, how dare you think otherwise. Even if the new spouse never begrudges, on the most part. And even if the new spouse loves the children. Your children are NOT anyone else’s responsibility expect yours and your ex spouses.
All I’m saying is…Step up to the plate.
There is this thing called the Divorce Decree. And in it, it clearly starts your own, personal laws which you are obligated to do. These laws go beyond the pittance of the child support. There are things like, oh…I dunno…medical insurance, medical bills, child care, life insurance and so on. And when the only LAW you are following is the child support one, we have problems here. Because other people are now picking up legal obligations that you are supposed to be filling. And that is costing way more than the child support. Oh, and do I need to mention that by not following the LAWS written in this Divorce Decree…it’s Contempt of Court? Yeah. There’s that, too.
Kids learn by example. And I just pray that some of the examples that are being set are ones that these kids never learn. And if they do learn from them, I hope that they realize what is right.
I know, I’m rambling a bit here because I’m still fuming from my own little confrontation with my non custodial ex earlier this morning. But here is the gist of it…
Kids are expensive.
As they get bigger, so do their expenses.
You can’t just do the bare minimum, it isn’t fair to the kids or to their entire household.
You can’t expect someone else to do what you’re supposed to be doing.
You wanted to be a parent and that comes with so much more than buying the kids crap that they don’t need and then calling it a good deed.
Stop being so selfish. It’s not like your ex is taking whatever you are giving to buy themselves diamonds, furs and expensive cars (unless she/he is, then I’m sorry). Every single penny goes to a roof over their shelter, food and water. And hopefully, there is something left to go toward clothing.
Every single penny the custodial parent makes (or at least, in my case this holds true) goes towards those children. Because they are the tied for the number one most important thing in this entire world.
You’ve got it easy, not that I would ever, in a million years, trade places with you. And, you’re lucky because your kids are in excellent, competent hands. They are being raised with love and dedication.
If the custodial parent is having problems paying for something FOR THE KIDS (not for themselves but FOR THE KIDS) and is asking for some help because you have money flowing out your wazoo…
All you have to do is help out. That’s it. Just help.
It’s FOR YOUR KIDS. So stop holding grudges. You aren’t really punishing your ex by being a jackass, you’re punishing those innocent bystanders in your life. Your children.
This is about your kids. It’s for the kids.
If you love them and you can afford to help them…then just fricking help them.
I just don’t understand what is so difficult about that.
A custodial Mom
p.s…keep in mind, this is only to those parents who don’t feel that they should do more than the minimum, if even that. i know that there are many non-custodial parents out there who go above and beyond what is expected of them and I salute you.
one thing i hate is when i see a custodial parent make more than the non-custodial, and then ask for extra money because they live too high on life. Divorce is hard. And it’s always hardest on the kids…
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Amen sister. As a custodial parent of two myself, it has been quite difficult. The ex is only around when he thinks he can spend time with me. The $400 I get (sometimes) a month for child support doesn’t even pay for groceries. It’s like he only feels an obligation to help when he feels there is a chance we are getting back together, which is never. Thank you so much for the honesty.
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Jeannine d-s says
I hear you. In my case it is not really money but time. He actually told her once he could not pick her up to come to his house because his GF doesn’t like him going out after a certain time by himself. Are you kidding me? That is only one example of the crap he has pulled/said.