When we turn our backs for ONE MINUTE

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All it takes is one minute for an unsupervised child of any age to wreak havoc on the home. It’s true. OK, maybe a slight time exaggeration but still.

I know for a fact that I didn’t get the eyes-in-the-back-of-my-head gene, the one my mother claimed to have. That woman saw everything, even when I could have sworn she was out of town. Nothing got by her, no matter how hard I tested. Oh, and did I ever test!

I wrote a post today for my writing gig over at Shop at Home where I write content for their Family section. I discussed 5 things that kids do when parents aren’t looking. But, I had to be a bit conservative because hey…that’s not my blog yo. Here I can get a little more…real. I don’t have to watch my…ahem…language.

So, what do kids REALLY do when us parents that don’t have the 2nd set of eyes gene aren’t looking?

They surf porn and other things we don’t want them seeing. Ever.

They send naked pictures of themselves to people of the opposite sex. Or even the same sex. Hey, equal opportunist!

They aren’t really doing homework on the computer, they are trying to beat the boss and complete missions on their video games.

That calculator app they are supposedly using for math homework? No, they are really gossiping via text.

When the parents are away, the other kids come to play. I don’t know about you but we’ve found beer bottles under beds and they weren’t from adults. Hmmm…wonder who the culprits were.

The teen has been taking a shower for an hour. Gee, wonder what’s going on in there.

Ever wonder where your hair product is when you’re standing wrapped in a towel, sopping wet hair? You’re 100% sure that you put that eyeliner back in your make up drawer. Oh wait,how EVER did these things end up in the kids bathroom, completely empty?

Successful trip to the grocery store, Old Mother Hubbard has completely stocked cupboards. Until the kids get home and it’s back to the drawing board.

Teen drivers. They love running errands WITHOUT their parents. My kid is always going to Starbucks or to the Coney Island to get a Greek salad. It’s not those “errands” that are appealing to the kid, it’s the honing in their Mario Andretti, Eminem concert selves. I mean, I can hear my kid coming home a mile away, between the smell of burning tires and the way the house shakes in time to the pounding bass.

Then there is the typical hand gestures given to parents behind their backs. And the faces made while mouthing attitudinal words. Those are always nice. And somehow, those I sense, even without the working back eyeballs.

What do your kids do when you turn your back for one minute?




  1. noshrinkingviola says

    Hilarious. Mine are just shy of 11 and 8 but I fully expect your post to be a roadmap to the next 7-10 years in my life. I’m not kidding myself. I do have eyes in the back of my head but I think sometimes I will just choose to keep them shut!