I’m not one for drama, particularly when it comes to friendships. I have enough soap-opera-esque drama in a house full of children that, when it comes to other relationships, no thank you.
I think if you were to poll my friends, on the most part they’d say I’m fairly easy enough to get along with. Always have been, always will be. Things don’t bother me and if they do, I’ll say something.
Friends don’t fight, they discuss. Right? I mean, that’s how I always handled my friendships, all of which I hold dear.
I’d never stop talking to someone just because they said or did something that offended me. No way. Instead, I would say something. But, non-confrontational, of course. Because, I don’t like confrontation as much as I don’t like drama.
Both suck. And they suck worse when they are together.
So, why am I bringing this up, you ask? Of course you’re drama and confrontation free, you say.
Welp…because.
Here’s why.
A couple years ago, some women I considered to be friends stopped talking to me. One of them, I totally knew why she did. I won’t bad mouth but it wasn’t me, and I’m completely being objective.
The other one, I had no clue why. I didn’t even realize she had been angry with me. I figured she had just sided with the other girl, it was around the same exact time frame.
It was all good. I wasn’t heartbroken, I was just sort of…um…clueless as to why grown women would act like that.
And by “act like that”, I mean act like high schoolers. Well really, one more-so than the other but whatevs.
After I was done being clueless yet curious, I was completely over it. Like…didn’t even care. Life goes on and I had other things going on with it.
Fast forward a couple years and stop at last Saturday.
One of the ladies who had stopped talking to me was at the same party I was at (actually, they both were but this story is only about the one).
Anyways, I was in the bathroom because that’s what a couple of glasses of wine does to a bladder. She was in the bathroom, too.
I thought she looked pretty, so I said so. Because hey, sometimes people like to hear that, right? I mean, I know I do. I’m vain, what can I say.
I said what I thought. No hidden agenda. No nothing.
I left the bathroom, that was that. I figured I wasn’t going to think about it again, no need to. I left it in the bathroom, no need to bring it out with me.
I had other things to concentrate on such as getting my son to behave and also…coffee and mini donuts. Priorities, people.
I must’ve shocked her because she grabbed my hand and led me over to a place to talk in private.
She wanted to know what “that was all about”.
I actually had no idea what she meant.
All I did was pay her a little compliment and also…her daughter is stinking adorable too and I told her so.
She said she thought I looked upset when I said something to her.
I wasn’t, I had no reason to be.
So, she ended up telling me why she stopped talking to me so we could clear the air and not feel uncomfortable when we ran into each other.
Basically, long-ish story short, I did something flaky, twice.
OK. Awesome. Typical me. No excuses, sometimes I can be flaky. I know that about me and I apologize for any inconvenience or hurt feelings I may have caused. Truly, from the bottom of my heart because I never have malicious intentions, ever.
But…to not say anything for two years?
That’s not how I work. And that’s not how people I surround myself with work either.
I’ve always done it opposite, you see. If I don’t like something someone is doing or has done, I think it’s important to let them know, no?
After you’ve discussed, then you decide if the friendship is worth dumping or not.
In our case, we were never great friends, we just hung out due to mutual friends. Did I see her as ever being a good friend of mine, sure, very possibly. I liked her, she seemed cool.
I still like her, she’s still cool.
I really have nothing bad to say, nor would I.
I just don’t get how, at our age, we can’t act differently than we did in our younger years.
I do something you don’t like.
You tell me.
It’s either all good or it ain’t all good.
We either continue on being friends or we don’t.
No drama.
Not for this momma.
At least, not as far as friendships go.
My point, exactly?
Yeah, I’m not sure. Mostly about the fact that we women can sometimes be really ridiculous and for no reason.
We’ve just gotta stop that shit out.
Please.
I’m just too old and tired for it.
And my other point is this…
To my friends,
If I ever do something that bothers you, don’t wait two years in silence to tell me. Say something. You know why? Because I need to know so that I can be conscious of it, so that I can work on changing the offensive or annoying behavior. My friendships are too important to me. I value them way too much. And I hope that, if you feel the same about me that I do about you, we’d be able to talk about it. OK? Thanks.
Love,
Me