I don’t know what’s been going on lately but, I’ve been having some of the most hysterical conversations with my children. Normally, conversations have included yelling at obnoxious, angst-ridden, whiney kids. Maybe the moon is in the 7th house and Jupiter aligned with Mars. Because peace has…oh, whatever…I’ll take it.
I’m grateful that the talk to me, in between the brooding and tantrums, of course. I don’t want to leave you with the misconception that I’m one of those people with perfect children. They may be more gorgeous than most but, angelic and perfect, I’ll allow others to claim those adjectives.
I posted on my Facebook wall about my 8 year old and his funniness so, I won’t repeat myself here, unless, of course, you want me to. Instead, I’ll regal you with stories of my oldest son whose humor is so dry and sarcastic that he reminds me of someone very near and dear to me. Hmmm…who is it? Oh yes! Me!
The other night, I was chatting with him, my 16 year old, not my 8 year old. What we were actually discussing, I have no clue. But, I mentioned something about how he’s my baby and he’ll always be my baby, to which he responded with a laugh and a typical teenage eye roll. Then, he rubbed the back of his hand up and down along his cheek, stubbled with almost manly amounts of facial hair and he said, “Muh-tha,” in a fake English sounding accent (why he does that accent, I’m still uncertain) “I don’t think babies can grow this much hair so clearly, I…am not a baby.”
Yes, clearly. And babies don’t roll their eyes, either.
Then, we were driving to Best Buy so that I could buy him a 16th birthday present, 6 months belated. In my defense, he JUST figured out what it was he wanted. Which, if you’re curious, was an Android tablet. He’s not an Apple guy, he proclaims, despite obsessive texting and checking updates on his iPhone.
So anyways, we were discussing the use of recreational drugs amongst his peers.
He was telling me about the fact that so many kids come to school high in the morning. And, he explained to me that was called “Wake and Bake”. To which, I expressed my gratitude for learning such an important fact of teenage culture. Because, in my day…the olden ones where we didn’t have electricity and we walked barefoot to school, up hills both ways, for miles, kids would NEVER do such a thing. And then, it was my turn to roll my eyes.
Then, once again in his fake English-like accent, he said…”Muh-thaaaa,”…he drawls out the word, like an exaggeration. “This IS, after all, HIGH School.” Then, he laughed at his joke, that I didn’t catch at first because I was too busy thinking about all the stoned kids at my kids school and what an environment conducive to learning it must be.
“Mother…HIGH school!” He said, again, trying to get me to get his joke.
“OK, OK! Yeah, yeah, yeah I totally get it! But, what I’d like to know is, if these kids are getting high before they even roll out of bed, do their parents know about it?” Yes, I asked him that because I’m now in the midst of complete obsessing.
“Mom, who cares? Seriously.”
“You’re right. Just know this, I will murderize you if I find out you’re doing drugs.”
“OK, so I guess I won’t tell you about my heroine, crystal meth and Xtasy habit then.”
Yeah, funny kid.
Then I checked his arms for needle marks. Sometimes these people with dry, sarcastic humor hide the truth wrapped up in jokes.
I’ll let him live for one more day. Because, when I can tell he’s being sarcastic…he’s really funny. Just like his Muh-thaa. (Well, I entertain myself and that’s what’s important!)
Well, “Muthaaaa” I must tell you that your son and my son must be twins because I recall having a very similar conversation with mine not to long ago.
Actually, I love talking to him – when he’s in the mood – because he is SO funny and insightful. And that’s when I realize that he’s almost an adult and we can relate to each other as adults….almost.