OK, hear me out, I’ll explain.
Zombies growl and moan, that’s their form of communication. They don’t use their words and I’m sure that, in their pre-zombie life, someone taught them how to speak. Do you see where I’m going with this? Yeah, teenagers. Their form of communication…growling and moaning. You ask them to do something, they growl. Once they are actually engaged in doing the said asked for thing, they moan. Most of the time, when trying to speak with a teen, all you get in return are growls and moans and MAYBE the occasional sputtering of a word mixed in, just to let you know that they really aren’t, in fact, zombies.
They fear daylight. “They”, meaning both zombies AND teenagers. While neither are completely nocturnal, my layman mind believes that both would prefer it if it was always nighttime. Well, except teenagers like to bask in the sunlight during those warm, summer months. Zombies would probably just decompose a little quicker. The weekends and holidays, however, I don’t see a single teen in my house until it’s close to dusk. Coincidence? I think not.
Zombies eat flesh, particularly brains. Teenagers just suck the life out of you and inevitably turn your brain to mush. “Nuff said.
They form groups. Zombies travel in packs. Yeah, and so do teenagers. The more, the merrier…and louder. And messier. And smellier…between the cologne, the AXE deodorant, the hormonal body odor. It’s rare to see, particularly in my house, a lone teenager. Especially because I have four teens so, when they don’t each have a friend or two over, they are hanging out together. The four of them.
Zombies can’t see well. Their “perfect” excuse is that their eyes are decomposing. Teenagers can’t see well because they just don’t use their eyes hard enough. EXAMPLE: “Where’s your book?” *shrug and moan* “Oh, lookie here, I found it sitting right on the counter.” *growl* Or, in the rare instance some words are uttered from the mouth of the teen: “Hey mom, have you seen my *whatever*” “No, why don’t you go look for it?” “It was RIGHT HERE *growl* *moan*” “Well, guess what. It’s still right here.” *Holds up missing item which was left right where the zombie…er…teen was looking*
No concept of fear. A zombie will just keep coming at you and try to eat you no matter how many weapons you’re loaded up with. Teenagers function in the same capacity, kind of. You threaten to take something away or threaten a drastic measure if they take an action you don’t approve of. Their reaction…eye roll. Shoulder shrug. Back turn. And, in not so uncommon circumstances, do anyways what they weren’t supposed to do. Because *shrug*, they don’t care *eye roll*.
So you see, the similarities between zombies and teens are uncanny. In fact, I think when the legends of zombies were created, the storyteller had teenagers.
I’m fairly sure that this is more than just coincidence, but I haven’t done any heavy Google research to support my theory on aside from just flat-out living in the field.
It’s also my theory that if you are a mother of teens and can survive those years then you’re good to go in case of a Zombie Apocalypse.
So, there’s that.