Save The Seals. Stop The Auto-DM’s.

I am not a social media guru.

Well, not any more so than any other guru.

I “get” social media.

I understand the difference between personal branding and brand branding.

I happen to be really good at personal branding. *pats self on back*

Well, I’m good on Twitter and Facebook. I stink at promoting my own personal blog. My numbers are pitiful. I blame it on the lack of consistency and the no niche thing. I mean, it couldn’t have a single thing to do with my writing, could it? Please, be gentle…

Back to the social media guru thing.

People, let’s talk for a minute, ok?

You guys are on Twitter, probably as much as I am. Maybe some of you are there more than I am, I don’t know.

I’ve been using Twitter since it was in Beta mode. I know, that makes me super ancient but really awesome.

Back at the beginning of Twitter time, there was this silly thing called auto-DM’s.

Somebody thought it was a good idea to automate these private tweets and use them like little thank you notes.

Every single time somebody followed you and you followed back, you’d get a cute little thank you note that asked you to click links to follow this person all over the web.

Personally, I thought they were the dumbest thing invented, even back in the olden days.

And somehow, they have lived on; through ice ages, extinction of dinosaurs and the evolution of humanoids. They are like cockroaches, they won’t freaking die.

I ask you this, my friends…

WHY? Why must you use this annoying Auto-DM? Don’t you see the tweets and status updates of the complaints?

Stop it.

Now.

There are many of us begging you.

This is one of the most annoying parts…

You follow me, for example.

I follow you back.

Then, you send me a little note THANKING me for following YOU. And, as a token of appreciation, you include a link for something like a blog post or your Facebook page, or a free ebook.

I’m not clicking.

I’ve only just followed you. How do I know that you aren’t a serial computer killer, spreading a thank you note virus?

Just stop it.

A public thank you will suffice. Really. I won’t be offended.

You know what? You really don’t even have to thank me. I’m just doing what any other Twitterer would do, I’m following back like-minded folk in hopes of having enlightening tweetversations.

But these Auto-DM’s?

They make me want to throat punch someone. But seeing as I’m all about non-violence and Zen…I prefer to calmly hit the unfollow button and then bitch about Auto-DM’s all over the Internet.

You know what’s crazy though?

When I take to those social media platforms and talk about Auto-DM’s? Yeah, it seems I’m not alone in my hatred of them.

Sugar Jones says that every single time someone Auto-DM’s, a “cute, innocent little puppy dies”.

JodiFur disagrees with Sugar, she says it kills baby seals.

Amy Lupold Bair of Resourceful Mommy feels kind of the exact same way I do, including eye-roll “I wish I could get fired up about them, but their very existence is, to me, a way to separate real people with social media spammers. I just roll my eyes, unfollow, and delete.”

You see, Auto-DM’s are causing the extinction of species, the melting of polar ice caps, holes in the ozone, alien attacks and soon, the entire global economic collapse.

Do you really want all of this on your shoulders?

Which brings me to this…

WHY? If everyone in the entire world hates these things and they are ruining the free world as we know it, why are they still being used? And…by people who attach the words “guru”, “ninja”, “professional” and all other wordage announcing their expertise in the field of social media.

And why, if everyone HATES Spam, are you including these links along with those Auto-DM’s?

It’s not the in thing to do, my friends. In fact, none of the cool kids are doing it.

This “No More Auto-DM” flavor is one batch of Kool-Aid you want to drink. Trust me.

Please.

Drink it.

Drink it now.

For the baby seals.

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