Maybe I’ve mentioned this in the past, maybe not. But, I’m not a big fan of orifice doctors…if you catch my drift. I’ll make an appointment with my intern any day of the week. My dentist and gyno…I just conveniently happen to, oopsy daisy, forget about.
OK, I went to my Nether-regions Orifice Doctor this year. I think January but, I’m good to go for a bit.
Somehow, *looks around innocently* I missed my
last two dentist appointments. Gee, I’m so not sure how THAT could have POSSIBLY happened. Well, one of them I missed due to a sick kid. For real sick and no, I had nothing to do with it. I’m not a Munchausen By Proxy type chick. I may white lie it a bit but I’d never make my kid sick on purpose in hopes of missing a doctor appointment. They do these type of things on their own, these kids. Sickness and kids…hand in hand, you know what I mean?!
I think I may have digressed a bit. Hmmm…shocker.
Where was I?
The other day, out of the clear freaking blue, our Oral Orifice Doctor called us. Seems it had been a little less than twice a year since we’d been in (as in, over a year). Bad parents. Not only had we neglected our teeth and gums, it seems we had neglected our little offsprings pie holes as well.
My husbands, unbeknownst to me, went ahead and made an appointment for all of us to go in. Now, that’s a 3 hour ordeal because of how many fricking people there are in my family…
I wasn’t happy. I need to be told WAY MORE than a day in advance that I’m going to an Orifice doc. I need to mentally prepare for the trauma. The scraping. The bleeding. The thought that anyone is looking at my face with magnifying glasses and may see stubble on my chin…
Like the good sport I am, I went. I only complained on the way there. And maybe a bit throughout the day. And last night. And some a bit yesterday, too.
Luckily, I was the first one called in. I’m not sure why I say luckily, probably because if I hadn’t been called in first, I somehow would’ve talked my way out of being seen.
There I sat. Being X-Rayed. Being scraped. Being flossed. Being polished. Having my chin hairs scrutinized from under those magnifying glasses…
When the tech was done with me, the Orifice doctor came in. He looked at my x-rays. Looked at me. Pointed to some grey area on my x-ray. Said something in Orifice doctor language about something to do with teeth and decay…
Then it sank in…
DUDES. I’m 43 years old. Never, in my entire life, have I EVER had a cavity.
In my ENTIRE LIFE.
Let’s just say…I’m perfect. Be jealous.
I mean, I don’t even need glasses. OK…maybe I do need readers but you’ll have to catch me to go to an eye doctor…
It seems that I have something to do with something on my enamel. I dunno, a sugar bug or something. On a molar in the back of my mouth, only, he used fancier terms like cuspid or something.
A FREAKING CAVITY.
We aren’t filling it yet. We, the Orifice Doctor and I, decided to wait until December. I have no clue why, he used more of his fancy tooth language. Either that or I tuned out and started obsessing. I’m not sure. I caught the words “wait” and “December”. I’m a smart girl, I put two and two together.
BUT…it seems that the neighboring tooth, the one that shares that very same left hand side corner of my upper mouth…has something funky going on, too. I’m thinking that the two teeth are sleeping together and one gave the other some funk.
I was told that one can be saved though. With this shit called “floss”. Yeah, apparently I was supposed to be flossing once a day. Not once in a blue moon. I always figured that my obsessive brushing would replace the flossing. According to the Orifice Doctor, nothing replaces a good, hard flossing. Really? That sounds dirty. That should go over on my other site…
So, the point I’m getting at is…
I’m not sure exactly what it is. What? It’s late, I’m tired. All I wanted to do was to let everyone know that I’m not as perfect as I used to be. I almost have a cavity.
If this schmutz is able to penetrate the walls of my tooth, drilling might ensue.
I’m all for a good drilling…
Only, notsomuch in the orifice that this particular type of drilling is presumably going to take place.
Kristin Iacopelli says
Mu mom, to my detriment, has worked for an Orifice Doctor My whole life. So, I can feel your pain. I know stupid things like if you had to choose between flossing and brushing, flossing would be the preferred choice. It’s annoying and I hate it. Hang in there though!!
hollow tree ventures says
I don’t know, with all this sexytime talk, I think I might start flossing more…
hollow tree ventures´s last blog post ..Time Marches On (and tramples my body)
I’m not a big fan of going to the dentist. I’ll be honest…. it’s been 5 years since I went last.
Jackie´s last blog post ..An Everyday Victory ~ Me time!