To Husbands Everywhere,
I just have a little something to say. Before I start, let me disclaim that I’m positive not everyone will feel the same as I do but I’m also positive that there are way too many wives who can relate to what I’m about to say.
Let’s talk about insensitivity. Just for a moment.
I’m sure that most husbands will counter with their feelings of us wives being insensitive, and some of us are. BUT…many of us are oversensitive. And insecure about so many aspects of ourselves. Especially when we’ve been home all day with the kids and we are still wearing our p.js and in dire need of a touch up job on our hair color.
We women? We don’t appreciate it when you are openly and obviously staring at another woman. Who, by the way, is staring back at you. Hello. You are standing right next to your wife. Who wants to become invisible because of how shitty this visual exchange of obvious…hello, I want to fuck you…is making her feel.
Yeah…that sucks. And remember, when we are dressed up and looking hot, men are doing that to us. Guess what we are thinking…Hello, I want to fuck you. But, we are usually less obvious about it because we know how it makes us feel when you do it in front of us.
No, we aren’t dead. None of us are. And yes, we look. But how about taking feelings into account?
I can’t think of anything, aside from actual cheating, that makes us wives feel worse about ourselves than when our husbands feel the need to stare and drool over another woman in our presence.
The excuse that “she stared first” is unacceptable. She was staring because by you staring, it gave her permission. Duh.
Just a side note to those women out there who like married men, you’re assholes. Seriously. On such a major level of asshole-ishness. Also ladies, when a man is obviously with his wife, you don’t have to be so obvious it your staring. Because let me tell you something, we wives may have insecurities but it’s you who must be really insecure to behave like that. It’s of my own personal opinion that secure women don’t do things like that and if we do, you’d never know it because we have the class to stare discreetly.
Back to our dear husbands.
Your wives are tired. They’ve worked all day, whether it was with the kids…which IS work, by the way. Or they were out of the home, working. Or in the home, working. And then tending to the needs, wants…of the family and the house. They are exhausted.
A little support would be nice. Like…”Hey honey, thank you for all you do.” Or how about a kiss and a hug, just to show you care. And let’s not forgot…”You look nice tonight” or maybe, “You’re beautiful”. Some appreciation shown. Yeah, that would be fabulous and a little might actually go a long way.
You have to give to receive, fellers. If we aren’t getting anything, and I’m not just talking about sex, then eventually we aren’t going to give. Because why would we?
So, you’re in a bad mood? I’m sorry. I get it, trust me. Stress is a killer. And life is stressful. Stop taking it out on us, how about it? Your job? Your back? Your whatever? OK, sorry to hear it but, how about talking to us about it instead of being a douchestick? We’re your wives. Aren’t we supposed to be BFF’s? Partners in crime? True love forever? Yeah…so how about letting us in instead of being emotionally unavailable. I’m thinking that when one partner isn’t there emotionally, it just sort of pushes the one there and waiting…further away. After all, what do we really need you for, if you aren’t there? We have our girlfriends to talk to.
And we are all saying pretty much the same things about our husbands.
We love you. Wake up. We are here, right in front of you. Remember how it used to be? Talking about everything, being concerned about each other…and showing it?
It is a two way street, yes. But dudes, we all have to meet halfway. It gets tiring otherwise.
Let’s stop thinking with our penis and dollar signs. Ok?
Some of us wives who will stick by you no matter what but are sick of our feelings being insignificant to the person who matters most to us.
Marriage is hard work. Let’s stop making it harder, OK?
Shana D says
I love you Melissa! My husband tries to not be obvious but after 15 years of being with him I know when he is looking and it doesn’t help that he gets this stupid childish grin on his face when I notice what he is doing. I can’t stand it, never have been able to yet I know it will never stop. Sucks but I know he is a man and as long as there are no actions behind it then what’s the harm. But still I wish he’d look at me that way sometimes.
Shana D´s last blog post ..Sunset Sunday-Country Roads
Next time I see you? I’m going to stare.
lceel´s last blog post ..More Thinking
Becca Bernstein says
Ha! Good for you. Well, good for all of us!
Becca Bernstein´s last blog post ..9 Father’s Day Gift Ideas Under $20
Jessica @FoundtheMarbles says
Jenn @therebelchick says
AMEN. Double amen!
Jenn @therebelchick´s last blog post ..Because Kittens Make Everything Better…Right?
Bonnie Cranmer says
Starts as just staring, then comments, then there’s nothing to talk about… it’s a progressive mold that spreads. Thanks for providing a wake up call to the lucky ones who read this and take action!
For me, I had to accept that this type of behavior wasn’t what I saw for myself to my dying days… it’s all a process and choosing what’s important. Sometimes, it’s love, sometimes it’s self respect!
Hugs to you, for sure!
Bonnie Cranmer´s last blog post ..bgreen: RT @CM_GreensboroNC: @buylocalnc Our 5th #CashMob in Greensboro is on June 2nd at 1pm at the Downtown Farm Market! More details here: ht …
we have role reversal herr, but I’ve heard this with my female friends.
Hugs and hang in theres from me.
Dudes can be really dumb especially when they get comfortable.
Great post. Your honesty is terrific.
OMG girl can I come over for some drinks! you must be talking about my emotionally bankrupt husband-except when it comes to his feelings! Little do they know that those little comments go so far. This was such a great post and yes I’m sure there are so many out there that can relate. Thanks for writing it!
We should have a virtual girls night. How much fun would that be!
Irene´s last blog post ..Banana Bread With Cream Cheese Frosting
Sara O'Flaherty says
Truthfully, I think all guys do this, but the key is not allowing it to become acceptable behavior. Like you said, everyone notices other people. We are married, not dead. But that does not mean it is ever ok to stare, drool, flirt, etc, and if you see it happening, they need to knock that shit off, and if it means a knock-down, drag-out fight about it, so be it.Do NOT be afraid to rock the boat by saying something(or yelling something) about it. This is a matter of respect, and it is NOT respectful to stare at other women(or men!) in front of your spouse, or make comments about how hot they are, etc, *unless* your spouse is into/ok with that sort of thing. Personally, I’m not, and my husband and I have had the necessary ‘come to Jesus’ meeting over that one, and it is NOT a problem anymore 😉
Sara O’Flaherty´s last blog post ..I Have the Coolest Kids Ever, or At Least the Biggest Doctor Who Nerds Ever
Although I don’t have a husband anymore, I wonder about the insensitivity thing. It prompted me to write a blog about it and I referenced your blog.
Honestly? My husband never does this in my presence. Not even years and years ago when we were just babies and dating. I know. I’m super lucky.
Jennifer´s last blog post ..Softball is over!
Jackie´s last blog post ..Wordful Wednesday ~ The Class Trip