I’ve been trying, for two days, to put down my feelings about Mothers Day this year.
So hard to do.
I can’t even tell you how many drafts I’ve deleted.
Trying to take my emotions and put them into words seem so flat.
So, I’ll just say how I’m feeling.
Today is almost as hard as my moms birthday was.
The sense of loss is so great and it’s more pronounced when days like Mothers Day some along.
We used to celebrate her, every year. For my entire life.
This is the first time that I’m celebrating her and she’s not here.
My heart hurts.
I’m emotional and weepy.
My family always made a big deal about birthdays, Mothers Day and Fathers Day.
Probably because it was excuses to go to really nice family dinners. Or holiday buffets.
This year, no buffet.
No brunch.
No mom.
No looking for the perfect cherub or garden faerie for her gorgeous gardens.
No trying to find a card that is not too mushy and not too funny.
And it’s really hard.
Mothers Day has never been about the fact that I’m a mother now.
It was always about the mother who brought this mother into the world.
It was always about the mother who brought my sister, another mother, into the world.
Today, I went to a flea market.
One that my parents took me to as a girl.
One that I’ve taken my kids to.
My husband and I walked up and down the fun, junk filled aisles.
The same ones that have been there for years.
And all I could see was the ghost of my mom, picking up jewelry and rubbing it to see if it was bakalite.
I had fun, I did.
But, the heaviness today is there.
As the day progresses, it gets heavier.
Because, more than anything…
I wish that I could celebrate one more Mothers Day with my mom.
So today, on Mothers Day,
Hug your mom tightly.
Call her.
Tell her you love her.
Let her know you appreciate her.
Get her a garden faerie or cherub to put in her garden.
Enjoy your Mothers Day with you Mommy!
Enjoy it with your families.
And if you are in the same unfortunate club that I’m in, I’m sending you hugs.
I’ll be thinking of you and planting some basil in my herb garden. I know it seems funny but it’s what I’m doing today.
To all you Moms out there,
Have a wonderful Mothers Day.
You are appreciated.
You ARE mom enough!!
I feel very sorry for the loss of your mother. Well, you shouldn’t lose hope. I know that God has better plans for you and you should always know that. I hope that basil will be a good start for you. What other plants are growing in your garden? Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. Happy Mother’s day!
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Oh sweetie, that must be so hard for you. I can’t imagine what life would be like without a mom but I know it’s going to happen at some point. I think it’s wonderful that you are honoring her memory today even if you can’t do it in person. *HUGS* for you today.
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Sending you lots of love and hugs!
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Thinking of you! I know it’s a rough day, and it will be on every Mother’s Day moving forward. The hurt will never go away, but it gets easier with each passing year. I promise.
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Awww, sweetie, sending you hugs. You and your mother had a special relationship that time and distance cannot erase; remember that and hold it dear.
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I too am a part of the “Motherless Daughters Club”, have been for the last 20 years and for me it doesn’t get any easier especially now that I have a daughter of my own. I don’t put any thought into MD, everyday is mothers day for me. I’m so happy you have such wonderful memories of your mom. At 23 I should have been creating many of those memories with my mom. I am doing that with my little girl.
It sounds like you had a great day with your family-I hope so. its comforting to know that they are always with us and guiding us, even from afar.
Hugs!
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Such a beautiful tribute to your mom, and it makes me stop and think about how much my own mother has influenced me in my life. I hope I am able to teach my children half of what my mom taught me. Hugs to you, Melissa. Your mother would be honored and proud of your words here today.
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It was my first motherless Mother’s Day as well. My Mom died in March of this year and I miss her a lot. I would have rather just forgotten the whole day and all of the “Get your mother this…” emails.
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Sending you lots of love! xoxo
Great blog. Such a beautiful tribute to your mom, and it makes me stop and think about how much my own mother has influenced me in my life.
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Reading this a little late. Sending you hugs for your heavy heart on such a hard day.
nice tribute to your mom. it’s funny, because i told my husband the other day that i wonder if i’ll be the same when i lose my parents. i know i won’t, but because my father-in-law has been in the hospital for the past 4 months, i’ve been thinking about it. i know that i will lose my parents, and it’s hard just thinking about it. my husband is on his way home right now from what maybe his last time seeing his dad. my father-in-law is being moved to a hospice, because there is nothing more they can do for him. everything is just sad. big hugs to you, melissa.
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Thanks for sharing your feelings. I am very sorry about your loss. Hope, time will heel the wounds.
We all know that at some time we have to say good bye to our parents. But it is going to be hard.
Till then, I am going to tell my parents, I love them. I talk to them every week.
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The hurt will never go away, but it gets easier with each passing year. Thanks for sharing this influential blog.
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