I was a senior in high school so, probably around 18 years old. I had a couple friends who were freshman but they all turned 15 around the same time I turned 18. So…a 3 year age difference. I didn’t care, it wasn’t something I really thought about.
I have no idea why I was friends with these couple of girls. We probably had friends in common. Or we smoked in the bathroom. Whatever, either way, we hung out a bit. Tanned together in my backyard or in one of theirs. We weren’t together all the time, these weren’t close friends.
The most vivid recollection I have is…one day we were tanning on one of the girls driveway. We had record jackets with foil on them because it was early Spring and the sun wasn’t that strong yet. But, we wanted to get a head start on a tan. Particularly me because I was going to be leaving on my senior trip soon. I was headed to Mexico.
Anyways, back to the driveway with foil covered record jackets…
We were getting cold and hungry so we went into her house for a snack.
The mom, and what a nice lady she was *eye roll*, was in the kitchen, the exact room we were headed to.
She was reading some book about how to attract and marry a millionaire. And no, I’m not joking.
We grabbed some snacks and sat giggling at the kitchen table.
Looking up from her book at us, she glared at me. I was all like…blushing in discomfort. Because why would this woman, who doesn’t know me, be glaring at me, right?
The only words out of this woman’s mouth were…”Why are you, a senior, hanging out with freshman?”
I don’t remember what I answered but soon after that, the friendship faded. The mom made it obvious she didn’t want her daughter hanging out with my moms daughter because of a 3 year age difference. And anyways, that girl was WAY wilder than I ever was so it was probably for the best.
Which brings me to my point at hand.
I have a 16 year old boy that lives with me. He’s cute. I gave birth to him so my opinion on his looks, it doesn’t matter.
Trust me though, he’s really cute.
Girls like him.
But lately, there is this 19 year old girl hanging out with him.
Which would be cool if he were, say, 21.
Or if they were…say…Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez.
Even then, as a mom, I’d have a slight problem with this cradle robber.
He’s 16. She’s 19. They don’t go to school together. Obviously.
Even if they were the same age, they wouldn’t be in the same school because she doesn’t live around these here parts. She lives close enough to come pick up my son though.
My son is upset because I less than approve. As in…way less.
All I can think about is that mom who asked me why I’m 18 and hanging out with 15 year olds. Only, we were girls. A tad bit of a difference, I dare say.
Why would a 19 year old girl be hanging out with a 16 year old boy. I get why a 16 year old boy would be hanging out with a 19 year old girl. I really hope that my son isn’t like one of “those” 16 year old boys.
He apparently isn’t even proud of it of this budding love affair, neither is she. Wanna know how I know? She doesn’t come in the house. AND…she doesn’t park in my driveway. Like the hired help. Hmmm…
I totally realize that I can put my foot down. And I will. I just know that more you tell a kid no about, the more they are going to go behind your back. I was that kid.
So is my son.
I just want her to come into my house. Sit in my kitchen. Eat a snack. So I can have a nice little talk with her while reading a book about Martial Arts for Dummies or something.
I want to ask her why she is spending time hanging out with 16 year olds when she should be hanging out with COLLEGE KIDS.
Just like that mom, all those years ago, asked me.
Only, wait a minute…I just sorta remember why I was hanging out at that girls house…
I had a crush on her brother.
What? He was cute.
He was MY age.
Tara R. says
At that age 16-19 is a big difference. I’d wonder what she is attracted to also. Hope you can have that sit-down talk with her.
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Shana D says
I don’t have teenagers yet and I am scared for that day to come based solely how my husband and I were during those days. I met him when I was 15 and he was 19. AND I remember my Mom asking him that very same question. But my parents didn’t do anything to stop it until I was 18. A little bassackwards if you ask me. I understand the fear of putting your foot down because we all know how that goes but I would totally play Switzerland and try and get her to come in “friend” her. They say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Not saying she’s an enemy but what better way to know her intentions then to befriend her.
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Gosh! This is a tough one, but I agree you are on the right track telling him to ‘introduce her’ to you.
I’m a little sneaky, and start off by suggesting ways they can hang out properly. “Do you guys want some brownies? They’re in the kitchen cooling down.” Or, “I just made some grilled cheeses if your’re hungry. They’re on the stove.” And walk away letting them think you will be out their way. Lure both of them inside a little bit at a time.
I always tell my teens to NOT hang out outside, and that their ‘friends’ are welcome to come in the house. Unless, of course, we are not home. Then, they need to stay outside. Know what I mean?
I also tell the kids not to do good things that seem bad. Explaining this one takes creativity, like your hired help reference _- I totally agree with you on that and have used the same example myself!
Hope this helps. Good luck!
The mom probably knew that’s why you were hanging out with her daughter and didn’t think that was very cool.
The thing at that age range is maturity level. At 16 I was more than mature enough to date a 19yo, but some 16yo’s are not, and then some 19yo’s aren’t very mature either. It would be easier to decide if you had actually met her. My mom had a rule that we couldn’t go anywhere with anyone until she met them, a girl or a boy.
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Oh that is a tough one. I have no idea how to handle it. But figure you do need to meet her. It could be that she is just incredibly immature and not ready for guys her own age. But no matter what – you’ve got to meet her in order to nail down the true situation.
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Did you read Jonathan Frantzen’s Freedom? Similar storyline in there. This is a tough one, forbidden fruit, etc… Question: would you think it was weird if your 16 year old daughter was dating a 19 year old boy? Probably not. Personally, I’d ask the boy flat out why she won’t come into the house. I’d insist that he invite her to dinner or something. Nevermind the age difference, which really isn’t such a big deal, there’s something curious about a teenager who won’t come into the house, love story or not.
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Marla Mayes says
Ooh, what an interesting mystery!
I’m wondering how they met, online would be my guess? Is he the only kid she picks up and where do they go? Does she have a younger sister that he might be interested in?
Just thinking that maybe she’s the designated chaperone or something like that, if ya want to give her the benefit of the doubt. But I agree that not pulling into the driveway is odd, so further inquiry is definitely needed.
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We had a similar incident last year with our oldest son. He was a freshman and she was a junior. And they did attend the same school and had friends in common (as the school is fairly small). We wondered what was up too but then she asked him to prom. He declined and that was the end of the friendship. Good luck– what a trying time teenager years can be– and I agree…the more we tell them no the more they do these things behind our back!
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