As the couple of you who read my blog know, I started Medical Weight Loss last week. I started the meds part of the diet this morning. I love Adipex, it gives me energy which I’ve been so lacking lately. I’m getting old and tired. And it speeds up my very, very, very slow metabolism.
The thing I really like about Medical Weight Loss is, it’s kind of monitored by a doctor, who just happens to be the father of a friend of mine since High School! So, the joint takes blood-work to make sure that all systems are go for the medical part.
Yesterday, I met with the doctor at the clinic. It was a quick appointment; he looked over my chart, talked to me for a few minutes and then signed the scrip leaving me to go off and fill it.
We chatted briefly, he’s a nice guy. And in that short conversation, which I’ll share with you in a moment, I realized that I’m so sick of defending my position.
As he is looking over my chart at the blood results, he stops at my cholesterol, which has never been under 249, ever. In my life. He explains to me that my “bad” cholesterol isn’t so great but my “good” cholesterol is pretty good. Shocking, actually.
Then, he proceeds to enlighten me on dieting. And this is where it’s not just him, it seems the rest of the world is in agreement (or, at least part of the rest of the world). You know, the typical eat less, move more philosophy.
It appears that there is a common misnomer in regards to people who aren’t thin, like me.
He, like other doctors and other people before him, told me that the first step to losing weight is to combat my Obsessive/Compulsive, and to stop binge eating when things get emotional. He saw in my chart that I take Wellbutrin. He told me it was perfect for my Obsessive-Compulsiveness. He had no clue that I’m on it because of the severe anxiety I had, starting a little before my mom died.
I didn’t even argue with him. For the first time ever, I didn’t defend the fact that I’m not heavy because I eat a lot.
Because that is SO NOT WHY I’m heavy. But tell that to someone who is convinced otherwise. Usually, upon defending myself, I get the whole “you’re just living in denial” thing. Which pisses me off too. I live in denial about many things. I’m also a very honest person and if I was a compulsive binge eater, I’d let you know. Trust me.
I don’t make bad food choices. I didn’t explain that to him either. Because I’m sick of telling people that, too.
Just because people are heavy does NOT mean that they eat a lot. In fact, I probably don’t eat enough throughout the day which would contribute to my metabolism not functioning properly.
Yes, I know, there are many of you who will disagree. Which is why I’m going to not argue with you about it. Not anymore.
My parents always told me that there are three sides to every story; yours, mine and the truth. In this case, there are only two sides and mine is the truth.
And the truth is, I’m not heavy because I eat.
I’m not heavy because I drink.
I’m not heavy because of wrong food choices.
I’m not heavy because I sit and shovel food in the privacy of a closet all day.
The only thing I “closet” do is smoke. And more people are finding out about it but I still won’t do it in public.
I don’t know why I’m heavy. Stress. Genetics. Whatever. I just am.
I’ll tell you what though. I’m going to let you go along thinking that you can tell by looking at me why I’m heavy. I’m going to let you think that I’m a statistic.
Because really? I’m so sick of trying to convince you that just because I’m heavy does NOT mean I’m a pig.
xoxoxoxox – large, small or in between.
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Nancy (@ Spinning My Plates) says
Good luck on your journey. I’m a hair under the recommended BMI limit for Adipex, but, with my glacial metabolism, it won’t take me long to hit 27. However, I doubt the docs would let me take it because of my heart issues.
I hope this all works as well as it did before for you and that you stop smoking soon! (BTW my mom used Chantix for that and it was the only thing that’s ever worked.)
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I hate that people think it is okay to judge someone because they are overweight. There are so many things that cause that, and not all of them are shoveling food in your mouth.
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Pat Williams says
Well said Melissa, I have the exact same struggle. Even if people don’t say anything, the judgement reads loud and clear in their face, and I’ll admit it, I get angry because no matter how I respond, I’ll not be heard. The frustration is like when you scream in your dreams and no sound comes out. I too have an f’d up metabolism… I suspect due to all those 600 calorie diets when I needed to lose 10 lbs. I eat healthier and less than 99% of the people I know.
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You shouldn’t have to defend yourself, but if the doc doesn’t understand, why don’t you keep a food diary for him? I think as a weight loss doctor, maybe he should stop making assumptions, and ask more questions, so he can help you get to the root of your weight, and help you to move forward. Have you checked into the Wellbutrin? I know that some of those meds cause some weight gain. Maybe your psychiatrist has some suggestions for other meds or other ways of controlling the anxiety. There are great therapies now! Personally, I only take ativan situationally for my anxiety. One other suggestion is to see a sports nutritionist. There are ways to speed up your metabolism through food. Snacking can be good. Everybody’s body is different-some people do well on 3 squares, some need to eat 6 times a day. You can do this, and remember, your body is your body. If you are healthy, the number on the scale doesn’t matter.
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I swear to you that while I was reading this I actually thought that I had written it! This is what has been going on in my life since I first got pregnant and I HATE when people look at me like I am a crazy liar! I even went to the Mayo Clinic last year for a ridiculous amount of health issues and (I’m sorry if this is offensive) all of the old white men who were my doctors had the same attitude of “she must sit back and eat bon bons every day” and suggested bypass surgery or the lap band. My husband finally went nuts because he said, “…so you are comfortable with doing an invasive surgery on her to get her to eat less when she is telling you that she DOESN’T eat? I happen to KNOW that she doesn’t eat enough because I LIVE with her, so if you think that she is lying, she’s not.” The aggravation for me was in the fact that no one seemed to ever hear me. I have since been MAKING myself eat AT LEAST three mini meals a day and have been TRYING to snack. It really is so hard for me to fit it all in and I really HATE sitting down to a meal by myself! It seems like such a waste of time! I guess I am just happy to know that there are TWO of us out there! I still cannot believe that I actually thought that I WROTE this and had to double check that I clicked on your link! You are IN MY BRAIN!
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I could have written this post! I know the reason I am overweight is not because I over eat. Yes, some of my food choices could be better, but overall people who really know me scratch their heads over my weight. I am overweight because of my thyroid. I have hypothyroidism which, for the uninitiated, slows your metabolism down. WAY down. A normal TSH level, which is what they measure to determine the health of your thyroid, is between 1.5 and 2.5. The higher the number, the more hypothyroid you are. A TSH of like, 10, is considered very hypo. At my last check up 2 weeks ago mine was 89. Three years ago it was 389. I am a very high dose of Synthroid that is usually given to people whose thyroids have stopped working or who have had them removed altogether. I get so tired of defending myself to doctors and people I don’t know. I even had my mom come with me to a doctor’s appointment to vouch for my eating habits. I am trying to lose weight (with a little success) but it’s hard to do when your body is working against you.
I just wish people would stop assuming all fat people are fat because they eat too much. I always said I challenge anyone to follow me around for a day and see what I eat – they would be shocked that I actually eat a very healthy diet with an occasional treat, but what’s life if you can’t treat yourself every once in a while?