An Open Letter To The 20-Something Year Olds

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to the 20-something year olds
Last night, I went out to dinner with a good friend of mine. We’ll call her Loree, for the sake of a name. We went to one of our regular hangouts, Uptown Grille. So yummy there, by the way. Every weeknight, they have specials. Wednesday are 1/2 off wine, which I’m very familiar with. Thursdays…Date Night. For $49 you get a bottle of wine, an appetizer, 2 salads, 2 entrees and a dessert. So, “Loree” and I went on a date. It was delish.

Anyways, our table was practically on top of another table where two young girls were sitting. And by young, I mean early twenties.

We spent much of our evening eavesdropping on the conversation they were having. And by the end, I told “Loree” that a post to 20-somethings everywhere is a MUST on my to-do list.

So, here it is…

Dear 20-Something Girls,

You have your whole life ahead of you. Why are you in such a hurry to grow up and take on the responsibilities of adults?

ENJOY your life.

You’re in a relationship where you don’t trust the guy? Dump the dude. Really. There are a million of trustworthy guys out there waiting to be discovered by you. Instead, you’re too busy obsessing over this one.

Stop it.

If he is withholding sex from you now? Trust me, he’ll withhold it for longer periods of time the longer you date. And if you get married, you can kiss sex goodbye.

The little signs these guys show you while your dating become who they really are once you are married. Take heed to those warnings. They are there for a reason.

If you feel the need to check his text messages or emails while he is in the shower because there are periods of time that he is unable to account for and you are trying to fill in the blanks…


Those periods of time he is unwilling to share with you are spent with a)the guys doing something wrong or b)another woman…which is so many shades of wrong. Either way, when your 20-something man is a sneaky son of a bitch, chances are he’ll grow into a 30, 40, 50 year old and beyond major prick.

Who needs that and the venereal diseases that go along with it?

I just want to shake you girls to wake you up.

You’re settling. That’s the bottom line. And you shouldn’t be. You have so much more to offer than to settle for the backwash on the bottom of a beer can.

Why can’t you see it?

We listen to our younger-selves talk at the table next to us. So many of us wish our older selves would come along and smack the silly out of us. Well, I’m your 43 year old self and that’s what I want to do. Upside your head with your boyfriends dubiously clean penis.

Girls…because that’s what early 20’s still basically is…

As my uncle used to say, “why be in a hurry, who needs the ticket.”

Let me tell you, the fine for that ticket is huge. So many huges (totally a word). Diseases. Beaten down self image. Divorce. Single parent to the child(ren) of a deadbeat dad. Or, OK, maybe he’ll be a good dad but you’re still a single parent now because he’s off with the last girl he cheated on you with.

Use your heads, girls. Not your vaginas.

Sex is sex no matter what, good or bad, it’s sex. Guys aren’t all the same. Really. If you know your self-worth, you’ll find one that you can trust with all your soul. The one that you have so many issues with, leave him for the other girls who have the same issues as those guys…they deserve each other. Let them check each others emails and texts. Let them swap diseases.

You are better than that. I can hear it in your voice when you cry to your friend, your dinner companion. You sound like you have goals. Aspirations. You work hard. You are trying to make a life for yourself.

Cut loose the shackles of those guys who hold you back.

Find one that lets you spread your wings as wide as you want to fly as high as you want.

You’re so young. SO YOUNG.

Life goes way, way too fast to stay stuck in a mistake.

Because before you know it, you’re going to find your 43 year old self out to dinner with a friend, eavesdropping on the conversations of 20-somethings. You’ll be inwardly groaning at their words, the whole time thinking to yourself the exact same things I was thinking last night.

Another thing I think you need to know is, if someone is completely untrusting, it’s because they don’t trust themselves. So maybe look inward too. Maybe it’s not him? Maybe it’s you. Think about it.

As for the rest of your life, not including the dude, breathe. Enjoy the little things. Right now, there are so many little things you SHOULD be enjoying. So do it. As you get older, the little things sometimes come farther and fewer between. No worries, they are still there, just different.

Be selfish. Right now, in this stage of your life, it’s about you. You are building up YOUR life, setting it in play for the future. Avoid certain roadblocks.

Play hard. Work hard too. Enjoy your time without any commitments, soon enough you’ll have more than you’ll know what to do with.

SLOW DOWN. Women these days are getting married and having children so much later in life. For a reason. We are taking charge of our own lives and not relying on the man anymore. It’s empowering.

To be in my 20’s again would be amazing. The changes I would make, knowing what I know now. Instead, I’m treating my 40’s as the new 20’s but with all those life commitments that come along with the 40’s.

You’re young. Be young. Whenever you can. Hang on to it, savor it. Own it.

Be secure in who you are and what you have to offer, only then you’ll find the man that you want this one to be.

The 40-something y/o woman sitting next to you who is almost old enough to be your grandmother.

image: google:




  1. says

    But if you hadn’t had those experiences in your 20’s you wouldn’t be able to tell the younger generation what to stay away from.

    Bad guys, bad relationships are a rite of passage so you can appreciate the good one{s} when you have them.

    • says

      SO true Alexandria but as I sat there listening to them, it was driving me insane because of where I am now. Luckily, I never had a boyfriend who I didn’t trust in the way this girl was talking about her boyfriend. Phew.

  2. says

    Good post.

    On a random side note, (and as a 20-something, lol) I love Uptown! If you go Mondays or Tuesdays they have BOGO pizzas/burgers too.
    Liz´s last blog post ..21 Jump Street

  3. Middle State says

    I don’t think I listened to a word of advice when I was in my 20s. I simply believed I would never age, gain weight, make bad relationship choices, get divorced, etc. Like Alexandria said, the school of hard knocks is always taking new students.