Facebook Status Updates Don’t Make You Look Cool

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if you can't say it in person, don't say it on facebook
To My Children,
Yes, I am once again writing to you on my blog. Because what happened yesterday is an incident that needs to be shared with all parents and other children.

Let’s talk about Facebook and behavior.

Certainly, we all get angry sometimes. It’s a natural thing. We aren’t always going to be pleased about everything and we will respond and react to it, sometimes, very inappropriately.

We also are never going to always get along. Seeing eye to eye on everything, every step of the way is impossible. We all have different views and different ways of approaching life. It’s completely expected and normal.

With Facebook came a new outlet for people to have a way to vent.

In my opinion, it’s become the enabler of passive-aggressive behavior. Kids, in particular, use the mask of a computer and keyboard to allow themselves to say what they otherwise wouldn’t have the guts to say.

As a parent, it’s my duty to tell you that, if you can’t say it to someones face, don’t say it on your Facebook wall. Chances are, it’ll blow up that mask of anonymity in your real life face.

If you are going to use your wall to say things about your parents because you’re angry…don’t. We find out. Parents have a way of finding out everything. It might not be something that comes to our attention immediately but don’t ever kid yourselves, the negative things you are saying eventually get to us.

And you will end up having hell to pay.

Parents have spies everywhere. It’s our job.

We need to protect you from things, particularly yourselves. Especially in the case of Facebook status updates.

We understand the desire to fit in. We understand the need to look “cool” amongst your peers. We were there once, believe it or not.

But, saying stuff like “fuck you (whichever parent)”, “do the right fucking thing (parent) and divorce (other parent)” or other things along those lines…it doesn’t make you look cool. It makes you look like a needy wimp who hides behind a brightly glowing screen. We didn’t have that in our day. We had to either sulk in our own misery or we actually had to talk to our parents when we were angry. No texting. No emailing. No technology. We actually had to confront them face to face. Yeah, human contact. Scary stuff.

Which…you’ll end up having to do anyways when we parents find out about all the horrible stuff you have said on your Facebook wall. Only, whatever fire that had been started in anger grows even stronger when we learn of your behavior.

There was a video a few days ago. The father found out about his daughters nasty words on her Facebook wall and, in anger, he posted a video of his response. And he also took a gun and shot his daughters computer to smithereens.

I totally understand now why he did it.

Due to the fact that I respect that MacBook far too much, I wouldn’t choose to desecrate it in that manner. I would have loved to have taken that computer away from you. But due to circumstances beyond my control, it was not in my power nor authority to do so. However, don’t be so certain that if this type of situation ever arises again, I will go against certain other forces and you will never see that computer again until you are 18.

So, to all my children and in particular, the one who felt it necessary to slam me on his Facebook page…

Just because your friends are hitting “like” on your status updates, it doesn’t mean a damn thing. In actuality, your Facebook friends are probably thinking that you’re not overly bright for badmouthing a parent in a public place that everyone can access.

It doesn’t make you look cool.

It doesn’t make you look like you’re bad ass.

It doesn’t make you look ANYTHING positive.

It makes you look like you are a passive-aggressive wimp who doesn’t know how to deal.

So heed my advice for the future…

If you can’t say “fuck you” to my face then you probably should just keep your fingers off your keyboard.


For the record, so I’m not hypocritical…everything I wrote in this post has been said to my children FACE TO FACE.




  1. says

    Just my opinion but it always makes the person doing it seem weak! they are too afraid to say what they truly feel to the person that made them feel that way. So sad! I pity that person for their lack of strength. Time for the kids to learn to be stronger and GASP they may start to realize the crap they are doing!
    Gena Morris´s last blog post ..Giveaway Monday February 20, 2012

  2. says

    Could you write a post about grown people who start and then post family drama all over their facebook and then proceed to cry why is everyone mad at me next? I’ve been dealing with one of those and I think it’s probably more ridiculous than if it were my child, sadly it’s a parent.

  3. SarahB says

    As I said before, I don’t envy you: the thought of having teenagers (mine will all be teenagers together) terrifies me.

    So I’m curious, what was/is his punishment? Humiliation on his FB page like the dad did with the YouTube video? Grounding? Cutting him off from his social life, for, like, ever? (Like what I did there? LOL)

    All the things we used to say in our heads when we were kids/teenagers but wouldn’t say out of fear for our lives has now gone by the wayside I think. Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc., give us a podium and teenagers seem to be using it for the wrong reasons more often than not. <– Sad.
    SarahB´s last blog post ..Comment on Crazy Parenting or Totally Deserved? by Sarah

  4. Mara says

    You go mama! Now is the time to use to correct use of our technology tools. Just because youre made you can’t make it public. Your kids need to know you’re watching and ‘stalking’ to teach them how to handle themselves I the grown up sandbox.

  5. says

    It drives me crazy that kids refuse to even consider the concept that we were their age once. And because of that, we know their tricks. We know what they’re thinking. And we know what their friends are thinking, which isn’t, “Right on, stick it to your parents” – they’re laughing not because it’s funny, but because they aren’t the ones who’re going to get obliterated for being publicly crude and disrespectful.
    hollow tree ventures´s last blog post ..February Photo Challenge 18, 19, 20, 21

  6. says

    Ugh… I told my wife to do a quick spot check on our daughter’s facebook page although we do monitor it pretty well. Once in a while she’ll post something that will make me slightly cringe though. I will say that as an independent business owner one of the toughest parts for me is that I have to hold my tongue all the time on what I post. Not that I’d be ripping people I otherwise wouldn’t because I can hide behind the screen, but I literally have to think twice about posting ANY opinion or jumping into any debate now and that’s just not in my nature… I can’t stand it.
    Doug´s last blog post ..We’ve MOVED!!!

  7. says

    Well said!
    I don’t understand how kids think that we won’t find out what they put on Facebook… it’s not like it’s private!
    My kids are only allowed to use Facebook if I am their friend and I know the password. I’ve asked them to remove certain posts but none of them have ever been towards me, their dad, or other family members. Basically just things that I didn’t approve of.

  8. says

    I applaud this post! Kids these days on Facebook say some of the dumbest stuff EVER. Half the time I see them putting up silly things so people will “lts” —like this status….I saw the video you refer to and I was shocked when he shot the laptop, I agree I myself would have not shot it, but the message there and here are clear. It will get back to the parent, its not cute, its not funny, its disrespectful and it WILL NOT be tolerated! Good Job MOM! My kids are not born yet but I can only imagine what technology will have out then :/