I signed up because, well, to be honest…I’m a lemming. All my other blog friends were tweeting about Klout so I had to get me some of that too.
It was just another number to obsess over. Like I didn’t have my hands full with my stats, followers, friends and all that good stuff. Klout came along and added more numbers for me to have nightmares over.
It was kind of cool. At first.
I was interested to see if I was a specialist, influencer, broadcaster and any other category that Klout broke us social media extraordinaires into.
Klout proved what I had been saying all along, I’m one of the cool chicks. Well, in my own mind but STILL. I had decent true reach, decent amplification, and all that other mishegas Klout has graphs for on our pages.
Then I started having doubts about how authentic Klout’s analytics are.
Klout declared me an influence of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Or is in Philadelphia? And what sport does that team play for anyways?
My Klout stayed steady. I was a high roller in the crap shoot of Klout. I was the Kingpin in the bowling alley of Klout. OK, I’m exaggerating. But…whatev. Neither here nor there because you ALL know what I’m talking about. Or do you?
When my mom died, I tweeted. That little tweet, along with @ and RT’s raised my Klout score over 15 points overnight. Geez, if that’s all it took, I’d have killed off my whole family for a few Klout points. (I’M KIDDING)
Then, my Klout dropped.
I almost threw myself off my roof. OK, not really. But still. I mean, if a girls Klout score is gonna raise due to an unfortunate event in her life, then let her keep her score for that first year. I mean, GEEZ.
So, I’ve been on this Klout roller-coaster, along with the rest of you. Up. Down. Up really high. Plummeting down faster than you can say “Fuck you Klout”.
But lately, I’ve been going crazy on Twitter. My RT’s have reached epic proportions. I’ve been engaged in conversation to the complete neglection (TOTALLY A WORD) of my family. The +Klouts have been rolling in, Twitmas gifts from my friends. It’s been crazy. I’ve never been so active on Twitter in ages.
My Klout score dropped.
And, to make matters even more insulting, I’m not eligible for perks anymore. BUT, I can let the 2000 of my friends that are know that they are eligible. I’m all over that.
So today, I threw the monkey off my back. I tweezed the thorn out of my side.
I got rid of my Klout.
Yes, I deleted my account.
Why, you ask. Well, lemme tell you.
Because Klout doesn’t really know what they are talking about. Their algorithm sucks donkey balls.
Klout decided my true reach was 2000. But, when I was tweeting about Bank of America, I reached close to 1 MILLION people because of who was RT’ing me. Discrepancy? Yes, I’d say so.
Klout says I’m an influencer of things that I know nothing about, nor have I ever tweeted these things. Suckass? Yes, I’d say so.
I don’t care if brands use Klout as one of the tools to determine how influential we are on the WWW. It’s not worth it to me. I’m not blogging for brands anyways. I’m blogging for me. My brand and my friends brands…and friends I’ve yet to discover, I love their brands too…are the only things I really care about.
Keep your perks, they aren’t worth my time anyways.
So yeah. Klout, I’ve had it with you. You tell me lies about myself. You make up stories about me. Things that make me doubt my worth as a blogger, writer, friend, and all around human being (ok, yeah. I’m exaggerating again).
I have no use for you, Klout. You don’t know me and I’m sick of you judging me.
You don’t have permission to decide what other brands and friends think my online reputation should be.
You don’t have permission to occupy any space in my mind.
You don’t have permission to access me anymore.
Now THAT…is true clout.