I read Pauline’s post today and found myself nodding and crying at the same time. Because I am going through a similar ordeal with my children. Yes, my CHILDREN. My two oldest.
My son. My firstborn child. He gave up before he even started. He’s has dragged himself to school and through school since kindergarten. No matter what I’ve done, no matter what outside help I’ve gotten him, there have been no results. He is failing and it’s breaking my heart.
My middle child. My beautiful daughter. She is struggling too. Both socially and academically. At this moment, we’ve begun the IEP process…AGAIN. The 2nd time in her school career. Something is being missed and I can’t figure out what, despite all the doctors and psychologists I’ve taken her to. No one has any solutions except meds and that isn’t what she needs.
Like Pauline, I feel like a failure. What am I doing wrong as a mother that I can’t help my children thrive in school? That I can’t guide them to a fulfilling life. I’m failing them. And for that, I have such deep sorrow and regret. But, I’m at a loss. I don’t know what else to do other than what I’ve been doing and will continue to do. Which is, I am there at their side. No matter what.
I can’t drag my son into the psychologist anymore. He’s too big and strong. No matter how much I beg him, he won’t listen. He fights me. He fights anyone who wants to help him. He just doesn’t care.
My daughter cares. And because she cares so much, it’s starting to wear her down. She’s giving up too. Resigning herself to the fact that she will never do well in school, she’s stopped trying. No matter what I say or do. No matter the advice I give or the advice anyone else gives, she has decided she is a failure and is acting upon that decision.
My heart is breaking for them. I live in full on panic mode because these kids are someday going to be adults and then what? If they give up now, they will have nothing. And I want way more than nothing for my children. They need to see what I see in them even though they shrug it off when I share with them what I see.
To me, they are the most beautiful people. Not just on the outside. Inside. They are smart, clever, artistic, quick. They are lights that shine so brightly, even though, right now, their lights are flickering.
Pauline mentioned the word “borderline”. That’s what my kids are. In public schools, borderline doesn’t necessarily get the help that they need. Which, shame on the school districts. And they keep moving the kids up, from grade to grade, despite shortcomings which are overlooked because of that word…borderline.
I’m at my wits end. Exhausted. Guilty feeling all the time.
I don’t know what to do anymore that to keep on being their advocate.
Sadly, being the advocate for children who are borderline doesn’t hold much weight because of all the other kids who are way beyond borderline.
I don’t want my kids to feel like failures. I don’t want to feel like a failure either.
We are better than that.
I keep thinking to myself failure isn’t an option. But yet…here I am.
My brother was like this. He eventually dropped out, and he has regretted that decision every day of his adult life. If he could talk to them, especially your son, he would tell them to stay in school and just do the best you can. Because while it might seem like it doesn’t matter right now it will when you are a roughneck on an oil rig in freezing rain during the winter and blazing sun in the summer.
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Oh gosh, Melissa. I totally understand. I didn’t want to publish that post but the comments proved that there are many MANY mothers like there out there. I have been reading the comments all day long. So many of us struggle with “borderline” children – I hate to think about what happens to these children later on or if they don’t have supportive children. Hugs.
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Keep fighting Melissa, even when they’ve given up. I wish I could offer sage advice that would motivate and energize your kids to fight, too. Motivating kids is the toughest thing for a parent to do. I hope you can find the help you need to get them through this.
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Tutoring?!?! Does your school offer it? Have they tried it?!?! I’m a teacher, and that’s usually what we recommend. Gosh, I wish I could help more. I can only imagine how hopeless you must feel.
Keep fighting, keep being an advocate. Show them where they shine and ask them what interests them. Tell them what they need to do to achieve X. They must want it in order to motivate themselves. They need to realize that there is so much more to life after high school and that they just need to get through it so that they can go on to pursue the goals and dreams that they have for themselves. And if they have that goal/dream in place – then they will work toward it. For a lot of kids, high school is a chore. There doesn’t seem to be a point. I’ve seen one kid (who was oh so bright) flounder in high school. He had no particular dream. He finally, somehow got through it and went to college only because he didn’t have any alternate plans – and once he got to college? His whole world opened up. And he discovered/remembered how much he loved to learn about things that excited him and he is flourishing. So keep pushing, keep fighting. They will get to a point where they are flourishing too.
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Reading your post really touches my heart and I do hope that you get over it soon. Just keep on trying until they both get there rhyme. Failure is not an option but sometimes failure really give us the most valuable lesson in life.
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Hi! Just followed you over here and glad I did. I am sending hugs. It is hard to watch kid’s struggle. Mine both do in different ways. The eldest has math difficulty and big big issues with social things. As well, My little has a variety of specialneeds. Don’t blame yourself. I find school is often difficult and rigid when it comes to different learners.
Paula
@inkscrblr
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You are much better than that. it so sad that we don’t know what to do with the children not every child can sit and learn – every child is different. I wish we could give them what they need.
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