I’ve been having a tough time breaking out of my writing rut. I’m able to post for the sites I write for but here, on my personal space, my words form a lump in my throat, like crackers in a dry mouth.
I’m writipated. Still. Close to, if not over, one year and going strong. Ouch.
Sure, I come out with a couple of posts here and there. Some are even pretty good ones. But, I refuse to post for the sake of content and driving traffic, especially when I have nothing to say that is worth saying. I hate the thought of eye rolling going on when reading what I’ve written, which I’m sure happens anyways.
I think that one of my problems is I’m digging too deep. I’m looking to paint a big picture when I should just focus on the colors of the sky or the way a leaf gently floats off a tree.
I’ll admit that another issue is the whole number thing. For a blogger that has been around as long as I have, going on five years, my traffic blows. I know, I’m not supposed to focus on that. But, let’s admit, most of us do. We forget that we write to unburden, share and just WRITE. I focus on the numbers and forget to color!
I obsess about the fact that my Facebook and Twitter friends are great and large in number but I get discouraged because I feel as though they don’t want to get to know me through my writing, only through my status updates and 140 characters at a time.
My frustrations on so many levels mixed with my fear of failure have made a destructive combination in my creativity department. But really, only here, on this blog or in any of my personal writing spaces. Where I should be able to write freely, unabashedly and unencumbered. Story ideas are bountiful for me, yet I sit with my fingers unable to make contact with the keyboard to form anything other than first paragraphs or one lined ideas.
My dream is to be a published writer on top of having a fabulous and famous blog. Yes, I want to have the success that I see so many of my fellow bloggers achieving. I’m only stopped by my lack of knowing what to do. I know how to write, it’s the one skill I have that I am so proud of. I’m good at it. Sometimes I’m even great at it. After that though, I’m chasing my tail. I’ll admit, I’m jealous of those who are able to get there. To reach their personal stars. I’m wildly thrilled for my friends successes but a part of me whines and cries…why can’t that be me? Why doesn’t this ever happen to me? Then I have to shake myself out of it because duh, I do get some really great opportunities. After all, I’m being sent to Cleveland to see Duran Duran. That, to me, is a HUGE something!
I want more. I’m greedy. There, I said it. I want, I want, I want. Like my children who are always asking me for something and I jump to get it for them. I want that.
I need to start doing what I read about on Copyblogger. I need to set aside AT LEAST 3 hours per week to work on MY BLOG. I have the networking part down, I’m good at that because it’s the only way to be able to talk to some of my friends and make new ones. I need to be a better bloggy friend and pay visits to your blogs. I also need to start working on mine again. Nurture it.
I need to start reaching for my own personal stars. I must start extending my arm further and further and not worry about taking risks or falling flat on my face.
I must stop thinking in terms of numbers and concentrate on words.
Words tell a story. Numbers don’t.