I’ve been having a tough time breaking out of my writing rut. I’m able to post for the sites I write for but here, on my personal space, my words form a lump in my throat, like crackers in a dry mouth.
I’m writipated. Still. Close to, if not over, one year and going strong. Ouch.
Sure, I come out with a couple of posts here and there. Some are even pretty good ones. But, I refuse to post for the sake of content and driving traffic, especially when I have nothing to say that is worth saying. I hate the thought of eye rolling going on when reading what I’ve written, which I’m sure happens anyways.
I think that one of my problems is I’m digging too deep. I’m looking to paint a big picture when I should just focus on the colors of the sky or the way a leaf gently floats off a tree.
I’ll admit that another issue is the whole number thing. For a blogger that has been around as long as I have, going on five years, my traffic blows. I know, I’m not supposed to focus on that. But, let’s admit, most of us do. We forget that we write to unburden, share and just WRITE. I focus on the numbers and forget to color!
I obsess about the fact that my Facebook and Twitter friends are great and large in number but I get discouraged because I feel as though they don’t want to get to know me through my writing, only through my status updates and 140 characters at a time.
My frustrations on so many levels mixed with my fear of failure have made a destructive combination in my creativity department. But really, only here, on this blog or in any of my personal writing spaces. Where I should be able to write freely, unabashedly and unencumbered. Story ideas are bountiful for me, yet I sit with my fingers unable to make contact with the keyboard to form anything other than first paragraphs or one lined ideas.
My dream is to be a published writer on top of having a fabulous and famous blog. Yes, I want to have the success that I see so many of my fellow bloggers achieving. I’m only stopped by my lack of knowing what to do. I know how to write, it’s the one skill I have that I am so proud of. I’m good at it. Sometimes I’m even great at it. After that though, I’m chasing my tail. I’ll admit, I’m jealous of those who are able to get there. To reach their personal stars. I’m wildly thrilled for my friends successes but a part of me whines and cries…why can’t that be me? Why doesn’t this ever happen to me? Then I have to shake myself out of it because duh, I do get some really great opportunities. After all, I’m being sent to Cleveland to see Duran Duran. That, to me, is a HUGE something!
I want more. I’m greedy. There, I said it. I want, I want, I want. Like my children who are always asking me for something and I jump to get it for them. I want that.
I need to start doing what I read about on Copyblogger. I need to set aside AT LEAST 3 hours per week to work on MY BLOG. I have the networking part down, I’m good at that because it’s the only way to be able to talk to some of my friends and make new ones. I need to be a better bloggy friend and pay visits to your blogs. I also need to start working on mine again. Nurture it.
I need to start reaching for my own personal stars. I must start extending my arm further and further and not worry about taking risks or falling flat on my face.
I must stop thinking in terms of numbers and concentrate on words.
Words tell a story. Numbers don’t.
Middle State/MomZombie says
I feel your pain. Imagine being the WRITER half of a married couple but not the one who is a published author invited to speak and sell books all over the map. My husband was approached (based on his blog) to co-author a book last year, which he did, and it has taken him all over the country and next week he leaves for Australia. This all began with two blogs. His, a non-writer business-oriented site, and mine, a writing only blog. We often talk about why one blog took off and the other did not. There are many reasons (some point directly at me and they are painful), but one thing seemed obvious, if you do something no one else is doing, you’ll get noticed. I’m sorry I’m not making you feel better with this comment. We all write for different reasons. I need a place to unload and say the things I can’t anywhere else. Maybe someday that will lead to something in some way. Who knows? I love your blog and all that you do. Fame and fortune are one thing, but touching other people’s lives and making a difference, that’s priceless. You are priceless in my book.
Middle State/MomZombie´s last blog post ..Snake charms
I hear you!!! I’m in the same situation – I am an excellent writer, I want to get published and I have a lot of ideas, but for some reason translating them to paper (or screen!) is akin to torture sometimes! I like the idea of setting aside 3 hours a week for blog work. I think I’ll try that, too (along with NaNoWriMo!).
this is exactly where I am right now too. I don’t really write my blog for the traffic (which is good because I get NONE), but I hate that my numbers have dropped by more than half. I feel pressure to just write anything so that people will stay – but they aren’t going to stick around for dull, boring blogging any more than they are for no blogging at all. I don’t know why I have nothing to say anymore – I feel like my blog used to be pretty fun and good, but my brain has just atrophied and I don’t even have any thoughts anymore. Ugh! Here’s hoping we both get out of our ruts!
Galit Breen says
I love that last line- love it. A wise friend told me just yesterday- give yourself the gift of writing. Ah- love that!
Galit Breen´s last blog post ..Just This Morning
Those numbers are like that mean girl in high school. One day she would play nice just so she could bitch slap you harder the next day. Don’t let the mean girl steal your words.
Jennifer´s last blog post ..Weight Watchers, Week 1
Tara R. says
I stopped looking at my numbers a long time ago, it was just too frustrating. Now, the thing that gets me is how the people who used to leave all these great comments, have disappeared. I’ve focused more on my writing, posting a lot of fiction and photos on my site, and not so much of my personal stories. I’m happier with my writing, but it does seem like I’m losing a lot of friends because of it. The good thing is that I’m meeting more people through the writing groups I’ve joined. It’s a give-and-take, and my writing has definitely improved.
Tara R.´s last blog post ..Airmail letters
I think by writing “these” types of posts, you are a great writer. You are real. And this is real life, not always getting what we want right away. being happy for others, but wanting a little somethin, somethin for yourselves. Keep at it woman.
Joanna Mueller says
I feel the same way most of the time. I’m really new to blogging, but while I can write once I get started half the time I’m beating myself up over not having anything in mind to write about. Once I find a topic I’m interested in then I’m good to go, but most of the time finding that angle that really hooks me is just too much. I’m hoping that having to continually update my company blog will give me the motivation to take my writing more seriously and work harder at coming up with ideas.
Thanks for sharing your story and your struggles with us.
Joanna Mueller´s last blog post ..3 Keys to encouraging pretend play
I have the same issue time and again… I don’t know what I’d do if it weren’t for the various meme’s.
And you’re right… numbers don’t matter or at least they shouldn’t but they sure do help when we want to move up in the world.
Jackie´s last blog post ..Mom Fail?
Gretchen Gerth says
I’m sorry, it’s my fault. I read your words through google reader, when I get a chance, they sit there waiting for me to have a moment to spend on my own guilty pleasure. And then I don’t take the time to click through, to leave a comment, to read the other comments. I get my pleasure and then just move on, without a proper thank you.
So thank you, thank you for taking the time and energy to put these words together. Thank you for being here.
Have you ever tried “Stream of Consciousness” writing? Just sit down and type – whatever comes into your mind. Follow the string, so to speak. Even if you don’t publish it – you may find the nugget of inspiration in what you write that you need to put together a post. xoxox
lceel´s last blog post ..Haiku Friday – R.I.P dmr