School is in full swing.
Much like childbirth, during the long summer months of rest, relaxation and hoarse throat from yelling at the kids to leave you alone for 5 minutes, you forget about all the pains of the trials and tribulations…and DRAMA…of the school year.
But, I remember now. I’m reminded on a daily basis.
The whining because they don’t like the lunches I pack and they are “soooooooo hungry” when they get home because they threw said lunch out.
The constant barrage of texts throughout the day. This one is unhappy with that teacher. That one is pissed off at a friend.
Mid-morning phone calls, because now they are allowed to use their phones during school (seriously, WTF is that about?) telling me there is no money in the lunch account and they didn’t bring a lunch.
Dear children, there is no money in the lunch account because we spent thousands of dollars last year for you to eat school cafeteria food at $8 a day per kid. I don’t even spend $8 a day on food when I go out for lunch with my friends. Well, not every day. And even if I did, I’m allowed to because I’m drinking wine with lunch so that I can deal with your whining when you get home. And we aren’t putting money into your lunch account because we, the united parental front, decided that you were going to pack lunches. YOU. YOURSELVES. Because, that way, when you get home from school, you can yell at yourself for packing crappy lunches which cause you to sit through the rest of the day embarrassed by stomach rumbles. Besides, dear children, you are old enough to be responsible enough to pack your own lunches. And, if you don’t like what I buy, even though it was requested by you, then you are S.O.L. I love you SO much.
Oh, the school year. I long for you all summer long. I look forward to a few hours a day of peace and solitude, one where I can pee without having to carry on a conversation with children who are sitting and waiting for me outside the door.
I complain of bored and whiny kids who expect to be constantly entertained. I complain of having to prepare three meals a day, one of which usually is made with a phone call to the pizza delivery joint.
And now, with the school year FINALLY here, the time I get to myself is still trampled on by a herd of children with cell phones. My concentration is broken by “Hi Mom, wuts up?” or “Hey mom i’m bored lol”.
Back in the good old days, pre-cellphone aged kids, the school year was a real vacation. Mostly uninterrupted days with exception of the school offices calling to inform me of a sick kid or someone who got in trouble. But that was OK, it was easily handled by two adults having a conversation.
Now, with the kids having cell phones in their sweaty little hands, emergencies pop up all day long. Even non-emergencies.
So, from here on in, between the hours of 7:30 am – 3pm, I will not be accepting any phone calls from certain programmed numbers. Unless it’s a true emergency like a broken head or a high grade fever accompanied by vomiting and diarrhea. I’ll accept one text a day per child because I love my kids and don’t mind hearing from them…ONCE A DAY.
Dear children, Yes, I realize a new rule has been mandated in your school. Something about using cell phones during class as long as it doesn’t interrupt the teacher…(Seriously, WTF?). But, here in our house, the rule is…during school hours, you are only allowed to use your phone during lunch or in case of a REAL emergency. Otherwise, be prepared to cross my palm with your phone upon arrival home. I love you SO much. Love, Mommy.
Ah yes, the school year. Only a week in and I already could use a vacation.
And I don’t mean Winter Break either.