Dog Days Of Summer

I think I’m supposed to be sad as the Summer months draw to a close. I mean, that’s what I’ve been reading in the blogosphere. Not because we are kissing goodbye the sun and warmth because yeah, I’m SO sad about that. I mean, why wouldn’t I be excited about the upcoming icy, gray, gloomy, cloudy, snowy mess that we are surely facing? Bah. Humbug. To winter and all its bitterness. I’m not a snow and cold chick. At all.

We mommies are supposed to be sad that our house will become like a still life painting. No noise. No commotion. NO fighting. NO mess. It’s an unwritten rule in the unwritten book of excellent mommyhoodedness. We mommies must be sad every single time a school break ends and the kids go back to school. So we can earn our mommy angel wings and go into mommy heaven.

Yeah, sure. I’m devastated.

I’m not sad, at all, that my children are going back to school. I’m not sad that my husband will be going back to work.

In fact, I’m…what’s the opposite of sad? Oh yeah…SO FUCKING EXCITED.

Goodbye Mopey. Goodbye Tantrumy. Goodbye Sleepy. Goodbye Lazy. Goodbye Spoiledy. Goodbye Douche-Canoey. Hi ho, hi ho it’s off my couch and off to school you go. Ho, ho, ho. Don’t forget to pack your lunches and brush your teeth. And shhh…don’t wake mommy, she’s still sleeping but she’ll see you when you get home.

I can’t wait to reclaim my life. I can’t wait to be reunited with quiet. Oh, and peace. I can’t wait to have a neat house…for part of the day. I can’t wait to not have to schlep this one here and that one there. I can’t wait to have my friends all back from a life of home imprisonment.

Hello sushi lunches with friends. Hiya to you, morning walks with gossipy girls. Well, how ya doin’ to my kitchen table with no eyes prying over my shoulder.

No, I’m not sad summer vacation is ending.

Not in the least bit.

In fact, I think it goes on for far too long. I believe Summer VACATION should last a month or so, then off to school with ya so that the mommies can enjoy SUMMER. So we can float in quiet contentment in our pools, uninterrupted, lost in our daydreams of sexual encounters with rock stars. What? Is that just me?

Bittersweet? No. Not really. The only thing bittersweet about it is the fact that the season is in its dog days.

Hopefully, once the kids are locked in their classrooms forced to learn stuff that they forget the minute they get home…there will be some sort of Indian Summer.

Hot days. Cool evenings. Far into the fall. Please Mommy Nature, hear me begging. I’ll gladly sacrifice one of those damn moles that keeps finding its way into my pool filter in exchange for a warm, leaf-on-trees Fall.

OK, I sound like a miserable, unloving wretch. I assure you, I love my children with every fiber of my being. I really do. And I love my husband as much. Truly.

But whoa. Way, way, way too much togetherness during the Summer. And every long school break.

It’s ok though, don’t fret, I love them all so much. Even when they aren’t here to bother me. It’s a perfect relationship.

So, in case I didn’t make it clear enough, I’m not one of those moms who are sad this glorious summer full of family love and togetherness is drawing to a close.

In fact, I’m…what’s the opposite of that?

Oh yeah, one of those moms who are so freaking excited that the kids and hubby will be gone all day that she is even willing to embrace the 6:15 a.m alarm clock with its multiple snooze hits because she can take a nap during the day.

Yeah, that’s me. Happy the summer is almost over. Because if it lasts any longer, I’m going to go insane.

p.s: this is written sort of tongue in cheek but that doesn’t mean I’m not so glad summer break is almost over.

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