I have blogger envy. I wish I was one of you lovelies who finds a daily moment to write about with such beauty and passion.
Lately, life has been chaotic and disappointing. Not all day, every day. But much of it.
I suppose I should try and crop to share a moment from the big picture. Focus on that. My ADD doesn’t seem to allow me to.
I’m too wrapped up in being overwhelmed with all the overwhelming.
If I documented and shared my life for the whole world to read, I’m come across as bitter and miserable. Which, I’m not.
Life is just throwing punches and I’m trying my hardest to maintain.
I can still see rainbows and the reflection of the sun in raindrops. I just can’t find the words to describe those right now.
I wish I had that faith that so many of you have. That belief. I think that is what opens your eyes so much wider than mine.
Having faith allows people to focus on other things…the important things… instead of shouldering that heavy burden.
I’m my own mule.
I try not to be. I see what it has done to my mother, worrying about things that are not in anyones controls.
I’ve begun to realize that sweating the small stuff is what I do, just like her. Maybe not to that extreme, I hope not to that extreme.
I don’t want her sickness to be my fate. Parts of it, however, are beyond this mules control. Damn genetics.
There are days when my words sound so cynical. Which, they probably are.
It’s amazing how the haters come out then.
Focusing on the brief negativity.
I realize that it’s not me, it’s them. They hate their own misery. Which, fine. You want to project onto me, go right ahead. We don’t have to be friends, I’m OK with that. The beauty of unfollowing at its finest.
I’m trying to find the positive out of all the negative.
Right now, it’s a struggle.
I think that, sometimes, it works and I win.
I’m my mothers daughter though.
And that, as I watch her fighting her fate…
is terrifying to me.