I had never been behind the wheel of a car.
Not ever.
I think my parents were afraid. VERY afraid.
Until the summer after I turned 15.
I went from never driving
Not ever.
To my parents signing me up for drivers training.
To being thrust behind the wheel of a car alongside 3 other student drivers and a poor soul who had a death wish.
The drivers training instructor.
Who, upon my turn to attempt to drive, had to constantly remind me which pedal was which. Yeah, keep that in mind, it’s an important little tidbit in this story.
You see, back in the very beginning, when I first began to train as a driver at the local high school, I had NO FREAKING CLUE which was the break and which was the accelerator. Blame it on over protective parents.
But, when you are driving in an instruction car, it doesn’t matter. Because the instructor has control. They have their own auxiliary set of pedals and wheels. As long as one of “them” are in the car, “we” were never completely on our own.
That? Was reassuring.
Toting along the side roads of neighborhoods, trying to maintain a consistent speed while alternating between causing waves of nausea and whiplash for fellow learning passengers…it was all good. Because one didn’t completely have to pay attention, they could Sunday drive. The INSTRUCTOR had our back. They wouldn’t let anything bad happen.
That’s why they got paid the big bucks.
Back at the high school, on the drivers training course…that was a completely different beast.
The instructors weren’t in the cars with us. Four students clown piled into the specially equipped learning vehicle and took turns driving the course while the instructors stood around shouting instructions.
“Break.” They’d yell.
“Accelerate!” They’d shout.
“Turn the wheel!.” They’d instruct.
“Break!” They’d scream. A lot.
Yeah but…I’d think. FUCK, which one is which, I’d wonder. Realizing I probably should have done less Sunday driving and more listening the day before.
“BREAK!” He shouted, looking directly at me.
“BREAK!!!” Eyes getting wider as my car sped up toward him.
“HIT THE MOTHER FUCKING BREAK!” He screamed and started running for the hills as my car headed straight for him and bumped into him, knocking off his fishing hat.
Yes, I ashamedly admit, I hit the poor fellow. I knocked his hat off his bald and shiny head.
He laughed with relief. He felt himself up…or checked to make sure he was still alive.
Then was probably even more relieved when I came down with a hellish bout of chicken pox the next day, thus forcing me to put my driving career on hold until the disease passed.
And it did, leaving scars and scabs in its wake.
Causing me to begin driving tutelage through a private facility a few weeks after the “Oops, where’s the break?!” incident.
No one ended up too badly hurt in the making of this particular driver. I went on to receive my driver’s license, despite the fact that I couldn’t parallel park, much to my private tutors chagrin.
I still can’t parallel park. Which is fine, I just circle the parking lots until I find a normal spot.
But now? I have two children that are about to embark on the driver’s training adventures.
TWO children.
Double anxiety, stress and plaque build up in my heart.
In 2012, they will both have their license after completing private drivers training tutelage.
And I’m just putting out a preliminary warning to the citizens of this place we call home, Earth…
Hang on to your fishing hats and run for the hills.
I can just imagine the guy screaming. : )
Too funny!
My best friend actually wrecked the driver’s ed car in high school. I don’t think the instructor (who was also the history teacher) was ever the same again….
Good luck being mother of the trainee. I also have a 15-year-old who is itching to gets his hands on the wheel. (YIKES!)
Pam @writewrds´s last blog post ..Sure as It’s Mother’s Day- I’m a Serial KiKi
As one who has been there – take them out to an empty parking lot (the school on the weekend is good) and let them practice first. Trust me.
Gigi´s last blog post ..Conversations Like This Are The Only Reason I Go To Work Every Day
I thought people only had that parking lot driving course in the movies! Were there cones that you had to weave around? Hilarious.
My father had me practice in an empty lot for about 5 seconds, then he took me onto the Belt Parkway (a ridiculously busy parkway on Long Island) and promptly taught me how to flash my brights at people in the left lane when they went too slowly. My driver’s ed instructor was terrified of me. 😉
Good luck!
I sometimes wonder if I could make a few extra bucks if I extended my teaching license to include driver education.
Then again, my blood pressure might not make it through a day.
Daisy´s last blog post ..Sorta Square Foot Gardening
Of all my high school teachers, Mr. Brown, my driving instructor, is one I remember very well. The ONLY thing that kept me from failing Driver’s Ed was that I could, and still can, parallel park like a demon. Good luck with your new drivers.
Tara R.´s last blog post ..My mother’s garden
I cannot believe you hit him!!! Hilarious!
I used to steal my dad’s truck on a regular basis so I was a pro by the time I took “official” driver’s ed. A girl that took it with me, though, was like you and very inexperienced. Once when she was driving, she plowed down a dog. Killed him. We were all freaking out, but she was cool as a cucumber. When the teacher asked “WTF?”
She replied, “Well you said not to slam on brakes for animals because you might harm the passengers.”
“Yes, but we were vehicle on the road at a speed of approximately 12 miles per hour.”
“Well, that’s what you said.”
Later on when we got back to school, he clarified.
This is an advantage to growing up in the country. Everyone learns how to drive young and no one cares. It is kind of expected. The disadvantage for me was that my mom taught me how to drive and she is one of the worst drivers I know. Thank God I met David shortly after I turned 16 because he had to reteach me how to drive.
Jennifer´s last blog post ..Everyone cried at my wedding
Eeek!
I’m a HORRID driver (Did I just admit that out loud?!). I think it frightens my husband daily. I hadn’t even thought of teaching my own children to drive!
Again: Eeek!
Hang in there Mama and remember EVERYTHING so you can teach me! XO
You made me laugh out loud at my workplace and you know my work place!!!
Your last sentence about your two kids, this is how I felt when my oldest began to drive. I did not sleep for weeks/months….
Rada´s last blog post ..For mothers!
The one PROUD thing I can say about me…I can parallel park better than that guided parking fancy-schmantzy shizz in new cars. 😉
But, I take the warning for 2012.
Ha. Ha. You sound like me. My driving instructor reduced me to tears on more than one occasion. I have a fairly new driver in the house and I’m wondering when, if ever, I will sleep again.
MomZombie´s last blog post ..Circles- dark