And So Resigns The Queen

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In the Kingdom, peace doesn’t always reign supreme. Like many married couples, the King has douche canoe tendencies and the Queen, perfect in her glory, reacts to those.

Well, the Queen isn’t feeling up to her “normal”, somewhat sane self. There are a lot of external factors (which aren’t allowed to be discussed at this juncture in time) that are causing her to be a little more frustrated and emotional than she typically is. Which, typically, she’s completely fine unless the time of months hormones are rising.

Through barking dogs, barking royal pains in the butts and barking royal husbands, the Queen is going barking mad.

The royal budget doesn’t allow for daily help. The dirty clothes pile up and the general messes get messier.

It’s the Queen against the rest of ’em and there is no help in sight. No, really. NO HELP. As in, no one in the entire kingdom feels they need to lift a royal finger to pick up messes that they make. So, the Queen spends all day doing laundry and tidying the main floor of the kingdom. Also, the Queen, despite the Kings lack of recognizing her writing as an actual job, has to write…which, she earns money for. Thus, making it A FRICKING JOB. And, the Queen has been doing something called Commitment to Habit and committing to it, which mean, she needs to work out for at least 45 minutes a day. Her days ARE FULL. And, let’s be honest, the Queen is ALLOWED to do stuff for herself sometimes. EVERY DAY. She’s a person, too. Not just a housefraus.

The Queen won’t name names or point fingers but, she is tired of being called names. She is tired of not being taken seriously. She is tired of SOMEONE finding fault in every single move she makes. She is TIRED of the negative being pointed out in EVERY FREAKING SITUATION and the positive being completely overlooked. Because, OH YES, that is a constant phenomenon in the Kingdom. AND…she is getting tired of all the constant negativity that permeates the Kingdom and it being blamed on her.

THE QUEEN IS SICK OF BEING EVERYONES SCAPEGOAT. Including, and not limited to, the King.

The Queen is also EXCEPTIONALLY tired of most of the royal children taking the side of the King, who may be quieter in his fighting tactics but, rest assured, he is meaner, angrier and SO OBVIOUSLY using the Queen as a projector screen. Yet, the royal pain-in-butts only hear the Queen yelling back at the King in defense. She makes up for in volume what she lacks in the art of mean.

Well, the Queen would like it to be made public, throughout the lands, that she will take no more of this. The Queen also wants it to be known that NO, she is NOT overreacting. The Queen is a rational and objective woman (besides being stunningly good looking and whip smart).

In the Kingdom, strikes backfire. So, there will be no striking. Not in the household chore arena, at least.

The Queen, from now on, will speak to no one in the house(except for the dogs, cats and a couple of the kids), especially not to the King, who uses her words against her by changing them around.

Until agreements can be reached, this kingdom has no active Queen. Because, this Queen feels that, if she can’t seem to do or say anything right? She just won’t do or say anything.

At all.




  1. says

    Thanks for reminding me yet again why I over threw my last king and got a new one!! My royal pains in the butt though are just like yours! Wonder how they’d take me resigning.

    Thanks for the laugh this morning.

  2. LB says

    I <3 the Queen!

    Hey, maybe she should try my tactics. I always withhold the crown jewels. I find that if I do that long enough, the King will agree to any and ALL demands. And get his subjects in line, too.

  3. says

    DYING at this post and LB’s comment above!

    I’m so not messing with the queen. But maybe drinking wine with her sounds nice! 🙂


  4. Nancy [Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas] says

    Wow. I hope this all works out soon and there’s peace and happiness in the kingdom again.

  5. says

    Oh. My. God. There seems to be some trouble in Paradise. Now I find myself on the horns of a dilemma – I have met and enjoyed the company of both the Queen AND the King – and I don’t want to have to choose sides. Is there a neutral corner to which I can go? Because I really like you both and I don’t want to piss off either one of you – but especially you – because … well … you know … You’re so stunningly good looking and smart, too, and I, your humble subject, know better than to piss off the Queen. *hearing echoes of “Off with his head!!!”*

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