I have one line from a Lenny Kravitz song stuck in my head. “I want to get away, I want to fly away”.
SO BADLY.
I think it’s a typical winter feeling. I hope it is.
I’m feeling stuck. Trapped. Like a caged animal trying to claw and scratch my way out of the walls that overwhelm me.
I’m bouncing off them.
A scream, a curse, negatively charged emotions all wound up in a ball in my chest.
Impatient. So impatient.
I feel like there is something that I keep trying to reach for. It’s right there, can’t you see it? Can’t you sense it? But what is it?
Is it excitement?
Satisfaction?
Contentment?
It’s there, teasing me.
Taunting me.
Laughing at me.
With me?
Only, I’m not laughing.
Not exactly. Not often enough.
An illusion perhaps?
I keep wondering when.
If.
Why not.
Why not me.
But I don’t know what it is exactly I’m hoping for.
Some sort of success.
But for what exactly?
Why exactly?
Shallow me.
Simple me.
I need, I want.
But I do.
I need.
I want.
So many things.
So badly.
Why can’t I?
Why shouldn’t I?
I sigh.
Deeply.
And hope for Spring.
Soon.
The rebirth of life.
For me too.
I totally get you. I used to think that way a lot too. Then I realized that nobody is going to drag me out of my hole/house/dark room, it was me who had to do something about it. I started not taking a no for an answer, and usually it was the “no, I can’t do it, no, I don’t have it” type of thing I was saying to myself. I started saying “yes, I can”, and yes it was probably during those years my kids were younger and watched Bob the Builder all the time.. and I started making small changes every day. You don’t need spring, YOU are the shining light, you have it in you. Just release it and let it shine.
Katja´s last blog post ..Interview with Manolo Blahnik
I have another bloggy friend who’s in a winter funk….praying for warmer weather your way, a breath of fresh air!
MommyB Knows Best´s last blog post ..MommyB’s Q-Vids Intro
I’m feeling the same way. I want to run, run, run, until my legs turn to rubber and I can run no more.
robin´s last blog post ..The 2011 Great Backyard Bird Count- Feb 18-21
I am right there with you. Lately, I’ve been finding myself with no motivation to shower, clean, do ANYTHING other than sit and stare at my computer screen. There is so much I want to do {way back in my mind somewhere} but I can’t seem to find it. I hope that this funk will clear for both (all!) of us!
Lolli @ Better in Bulk´s last blog post ..San Francisco Yes- Again
This NYC winter has been nothing short of brutal; it’s amazing how the weather can really affect one’s mood and compound any issues you’re experiencing with a vengeance. I feel like spring will be a time of renewal and a sort of rebirth for a lot of us…
Praise the Lord and pass the collection plate!!!
I’m ready for some sunshine and warm weather. Oh, and I’d for $100 bills to start fall from the sky, too, so I can quit work.
I feel you, and my toddler is going stir crazy nuts too. I am dying for spring. It really makes me wonder why I chose to stay in Ohio, I think I would be so much happier emotionally in a year-round warm climate.
Crissy´s last blog post ..Toddler Discipline Or Mom Vs The Tantrum
Yeah… I hear you! We lived in Canada for a couple of years (my husband is Canadian) and the winter months were tough. But we are back in California (my home turf) where Winters are just Spring to most of the country…
Katie´s last blog post ..The Education Funding Crisis – We Need to Get This Right!
I hate winter. That is all.
Jennifer´s last blog post ..Found- Red Writing Hood
Hang in there, babe. Try to spend as much time outside as you can. And get some extra Vitamin D!
Yes. Winter is the only time I beg for padded walls, so when I bounce, it won’t give me a goose egg.
Deus Ex Machina´s last blog post ..Tardive Dyskinesia