Every single time I have a good idea for a blog post, I’m in the middle of doing something that has me away from my computer or a notepad. I chant the idea to myself for a few minutes until I’m convinced I won’t forget it.
Then, I completely forget what I was thinking about due to non-blog things.
I suddenly remember that I forgot to switch loads. And I can’t remember when I put THAT load in the washing machine because HOLY HELL does it stink like mildew.
Then I realize the dog crapped on the carpet of the living room because it smells. But, I have to search for the shit because the carpet is different shades of brown, thus camouflaging the offending odoriferous object.
After the puppy poop has been located and flushed down the toilet, I’m thrown in the midst of a war of action figures masquerading as projectile toy missiles of mass bodily destruction. This isn’t your average sissy fight. Spoiled 7 year old is defending his television territory, trying to reclaim from the offending feral females.
The war is broken up, and I suddenly remember that I need to pluck my eyebrows (and those chin hairs that are causing me gender confusion) so I run upstairs to my bathroom to find my tweezers and begin the grooming process.
Suddenly, mid-arch on eye one, I hear the buzzer from the washer signaling time to switch. And considering this particular load has already been washed AT LEAST one time prior, I throw down the tweezers and head downstairs to do the washer-dryer switcharoo.
Then, I realize that the dishes need to be taken out of the dishwasher and put away because the sink is full from the party the night prior.
Not to mention the wood floors by the front door need to be wet Swiffered because of the salt on the bottom of people’s shoes. And dried footprints from the dogs and people.
Where did I put that Swiffer? Hmm. Dang kids used it as a sword again, I have to find the paddle part of it. Sigh.
I try to remind myself that I need to write my blog post but, G-D dammit, I can’t remember what I was going to write. But that’s ok because I have another idea.
But I smell something. Like…really gross. And I try to find where the stink is coming from. I can’t though. It’s hiding. And I’m sure it’s death. Like a small rodent has somehow crawled into my floorboards and died there.
Another fight breaks out. Same kids. Same channel. Same projectile missiles of mass destruction.
OMG, look at the time, I have to get ready to go to my son’s karate program. And holy shit, my other eyebrow needs to be fixed.
Who has time for that? I’ll just put lots of cover up on it and hope I remember to fix it before I go out tonight. Wait, am I going out tonight?
I really should have taken a shower because I’m pretty sure it’s been two days.
Crap, I have deadlines, posts have to be written by Thursday. What’s today again?
Where did my mind go?
Wait, what was I talking about?