I don’t generally do resolutions. I just think that making a list of various things I’d like to do or not do…does nothing except to set me up for failure.
I’ve never, ever followed through for longer than a week or so, so it just seems sort of pointless.
I used to, once upon a time, back in the day, make long lists scribbled into little notepads. The typical stuff with a high rate of follow through. Things like quitting smoking, be nicer to my sister, get a boyfriend, read more books.
No deep thinking required. No major actions necessary.
So, I just gave up on the thought of resolutions, citing them as silly and a waste of time.
These last few days, however, I find myself thinking about what it is EXACTLY that I want to achieve for 2011 and beyond. What my actual goals are. Without actually writing a list of the shallowness and mundane of papers past.
Without calling them resolutions.
I want to learn to feel more comfortable with the way my body is. I never, ever want to feel the way I felt the other day when I was at the mall with my family. For a paranoid moment, as we were walking out of the mall and heading towards our car, I was worried that people were laughing at me. Even though I know, intellectually, that no one was…except maybe my kids. I actually had a minor panic attack and couldn’t get to the car fast enough. It was a horrible internally emotional experience that I just shared with my husband the other night.
I need to set more realistic time frames for myself. Things take time. Some longer than others, of course. The business isn’t going to take off immediately, we need to grow it. I can’t get upset and frustrated about waiting.
Really, this year is going to be all about taming my frustrations. On a whole, I need to not give up before I even start. I need to work through obstacles and plateaus and realize that these are just part of life. For EVERYONE.
Weight.
Business.
Relationships.
Family.
Blogging.
Writing.
Every single one of those important aspects of my life come laden with frustrations. They do for every single person I know. Instead of staring at the screen, treadmill, cell phone or WHATEVER and pressing ignore due to fear of failure…
Which, I really believe I’ve lived most of my life doing. Ignoring, avoiding or making excuses because I’ve always been so worried I’m going to fuck it up.
I need to dig deep. I have it in me. I know I do.
Frustrated. Annoyed. Worried. Scared. I don’t want to be like that anymore.
I have so many things to look forward to for 2011. A new business, a new website, new friends…
I refuse to sabotage the good and fabulous that 2011 (and beyond) IS going to be because I’m so focused on the negative that I’m worried MIGHT or COULD happen.
This IS going to be a year of change for me. Not a physical one, although I really hope that this year I can get the right doctor who will figure out this thyroid thing…
This is going to be a complete internal overhaul. The pivots, wheels, gaskets…all working parts. Adjusted.
So, for this year, I have only one resolution that I’m going to make.
No looking down.
Deep breath, dive in and deal.
Unless, of course, there is danger of getting hurt. Because that would suck.
Love your article and your honesty! Wishing you all the best in 2011!
May all your gardens grow,
Jan
I read a comment someone had posted on a friend’s status the other day that basically said she was going to be brave in everything she did. I really like that – trust that the decisions you’re making are right for you and move forward.
I think I have a lot of moving forward to do in 2011.
Let’s talk soon, ‘kay?
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins´s last blog post ..Mmmmmciiiiderrrrrr
My favorite quote, “Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway.” It isn’t really about failing or succeeding, but about trying. Taking the chance is the first step toward succeeding.
Jennifer´s last blog post ..Christmas Mourning
I could have written every word of this myself, Melissa. I’m happy to be your cheerleader this year if you’ll be mine! What do you say?
Mary@Everyday Baby Steps´s last blog post ..Join Me for the NewYearNewMe Challenge from CalorieStory
Sounds like a great start to 2011!
Happy new Year friend!
Tiaras & Tantrums´s last blog post ..I ♥ Faces Best Face Photo From 2010
You know, you just summed up my life with this one sentence…. “Which, I really believe I’ve lived most of my life doing. Ignoring, avoiding or making excuses because I’ve always been so worried I’m going to fuck it up.”
Sometimes it’s easier to just go with the flow. It takes real courage to look in deep and then do something about it.
Gigi´s last blog post ..How is it that no one has pointed out the obvious to me
What a poignant post. I think everyone can relate in some way. We are often our toughest critic. Keep your head up. I hope 2011 is a fabulous year.
Christina @RantRaveRoll´s last blog post ..RANDOM TUESDAY THOUGHTS – BACK TO SCHOOL EVE
Instead of resolutions, this year I resolve to just live life free of expectations, and just enjoy the journey rather than focus on results… When you focus on results, it just sucks the joy outta life and makes life so heavy since there’s a divide on how your life is now, and what it should be at the end of the year… whereas if you appreciate and want what you currently have, life feels more light, and free.
Henway´s last blog post ..Medifast Stories – Dec 2010
I have so many plans for this year. Most of these plans are personally for me because for couple of years, totally forgot about pampering myself. I hope to improve my personal life a bit better by this year.
Samantha Dermot´s last blog post ..How To Stop Teeth Grinding At Night
I love this post, Melissa. Taming frustrations is a tall but worthy order. I’m focusing on living in the moment this year in an effort to ally anxiety about what’s gonna happen next. I’m gonna Gratitude Journal it up. I’m gonna try to maintain an overall positive attitude. I’m gonna smile more. No matter how fat I feel. Love you, lady. Happy 2011.
Kami´s last blog post ..Rock Solid Resolve
You have made a huge first step in recognizing what parts of your life aren’t working well. If the problems are staying the same, we as people have to change the way we approach them. The definition of insanity, as you’re probably aware, is to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.
Getting your body healthy and strong will help the parts fall into place. The pounds are not as important as how you feel: if you feel good and feel strong, you’ll have a more positive outlook and be able to deal with other stressful situations on a better, more positive basis.
I’m not sure of your thoughts on religion, but I know for me, returning to Faith has helped me tremendously. Many people think the Bible is just some ancient book that really doesn’t apply to today’s times. In my humble opinion, it does. The problems people face may have changed in texture, but deep at their roots, it’s the same stuff. If you read the Bible consistently and come to understand its messages, I think it will help you, too.
PJ Lincoln´s last blog post ..Michigans Brandon needs to hit a home run in picking Rich Rods successor