Mother Nature Darling,
You’ve blessed me for 31 years with the 28 day regularity, only missing 3 times for 3 pregnancies. And for that, I am deeply and humbly appreciative.
But now it’s time for our talk.
You see, I’m coming up, very closely, on my 42nd birthday. I am still grateful for that regularity, that’s certainly very gracious of you. But it’s time to put an end to this.
I don’t need my period anymore.
I’m not going to have anymore babies. Shoot me if I ever turn up pregnant.
I’m tired of the PMS. And this month, it happens to fall during winter break. When everyone is home. I don’t know who I want to strangle first, me or them.
I’m sick of getting these ginormous zits on my chin that make me think I ate my twin when en utero. Still. I’m not a teenager anymore. Somehow, I’m getting these teenaged sized zits with teenaged sized embarrassment. Seriously.
My boobs are big enough right now with all this extra weight. It was different when I was a wee little thin thing and I didn’t carry so much up on top. Now, I don’t need to look like a porn queen for 2 weeks of every month. Besides, I’m getting old, my back is starting to hurt from the carry ons.
Cravings. I don’t even like chocolate, why must I really want it during this time of month?
This accelerated hair growth. On my chin. What’s that about?
Cramps and nausea? Seriously? Still? Is that really necessary? And this back cramp thing, not loving that. It reminds me too much of early back labor and I was not a fan of that, either.
This hot flash thing…is that just to prepare me?
In short, my dear Mother Nature…or can I call you Flo? It’s time for menstruation and I to part ways. We are not meant to be any longer. There is no good reason for us to remain partners.
I have one request though. Please, when you do decide to finally bring on “the change”…
Be more gentle on me than you were with my period.
Thank you in advance for your consideration in this matter,
Hysterectomy. Best thing ever.
Jennifer´s last blog post ..Write it down- Check it off
Vera @ Lady and the Blog says
LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! I LOVE IT! 🙂
Vera @ Lady and the Blog´s last blog post ..My Video Present For Bill- Christmas In The Digital Age
Courtney V says
I’m SO with you on this one! 🙂
Courtney V´s last blog post ..Need a Break From the Kids During the Holiday Rush
Aunt Crazy says
Ditto what Jennifer said, BEST.DAY.EVER!!!
Aunt Crazy´s last blog post ..DONE DONE DONE and Follow Me Back Tuesday
I’m five years older than you and could write a very similar letter…
Hahahahahaha! I’m SO with you! Can we sign a petition somewhere? And I have a sneaky suspicion that Mother Nature is gonna wallop me when it’s time for “the change” – I don’t know why; but I figure she will.
Gigi´s last blog post ..The Fine Art of Trying to Schedule Time Together With Friends – it should totally involve wine- lots and lots of wine
Another Suburban Mom says
A-fucking-men! If you can go on birth control pills, I would reccomend the Yaz. I’m on that for my PMDD and I only get a period about once every three months.
Another Suburban Mom´s last blog post ..The Brain- She is A Dumping
Michelle Tucker says
This sounds really familiar. It’s something I ask quite regularly, only I can’t have kids, so why oh why do I have to go through the suffering. I’ve often told my doc to take the darned thing out, only since I’m 35 they won’t.
Seems like a VERY reasonable request or she can just give it to Hubby to carry for the remainder of the time! 🙂 You deserve a break! xo
PJ Lincoln says
I’m speechless and, I can’t really can’t say I understand where you’re coming from since, well, I’ve never had, um, that time of the month thing.
But here’s hoping you get what you ask for 😉
(On your hubby’s behalf, I will request that the over-sized “ons” remain, however!)
PJ Lincoln´s last blog post ..You tell me- boys or girls harder to raise
Ok, I can soooo relate! Well, I still can relate to some of it, but had an ablation a year ago, and it was the best. thing. ever.