Driving anywhere with my 6 year old is always quite an eye opening event. For some reason, the conversations that take place with me in the drivers seat and him in his booster seat are better than the ones at the kitchen table.
Today, this morning, pre-coffee car ride to school…was no exception. And yes, it’s amazing what a difference in the quickness and clarity of thought when there is caffeine coursing through my veins.
Him: Mommy, how do babies come out of Mommies crotch?
We haven’t even gotten out of our subdivision yet. It’s rush hour. This…is going to be a long drive.
Me: Um, well. Mommies vaginas open bigger so that the baby can come out.
Him: How do they actually get out?
Me: Mommies push them out. Kind of like when you have to go to the bathroom.
Him: Oh, like a poop? So they come out of your tushie?
Me: No, out of the vagina.
Him: Wouldn’t it just be easier if they came out of your tushie.
It’s quiet for a moment. I’m crossing my fingers that he moves on to something like his upcoming 7th birthday party (next week, omg, he’s going to be 7!). I’m praying to every g-d there is that he starts talking about Ben 10 or Mario as I hear him open his mouth and draw a breath as he begins his conversation again…
Me: (uh oh) Yes honey.
I really, really wish I had made coffee at this point.
Him: Mommy? How do babies get in there to begin with.
Me: (Oh holy hell, this conversation, this early? HELP ME) Well, my love. Mommies and Daddies have a special hug that makes a baby. (This worked before, I’m hoping it works again)
He’s not buying it. I can actually hear his brain working.
Him: OK, you told me that before Mommy. But this special hug? What happens during it that puts the baby in the Mommy’s tummy?
Him: Mommy? Did you hear me? How. Does. That. Hug. Work?
Me: Um, OK. I don’t know how to explain it to you.
Him: Mom. I am NOT going to ask my teacher. I have a feeling that it’s VERY inappropriate.
Me: Yeah. NO. Don’t ask your teacher. I’ll get in trouble.
Him: Mommy. When you get home, ask Twitter, they’ll tell you.
We pull up to car pool line, grabs his stuff and jumps out. He tells me to not forget to ask. And…he thanked me. OMG.
OK. Hurry, he’s going to be home at 3. How do I explain, in an age appropriate way, how a baby gets inside a Mom. Without traumatizing him. The special hug explanation isn’t working anymore. Sigh. My step daughter, when she was this age, her mom had already told her all about sex. She new way too much and she shared her knowledge with the 3 other big kids, luckily my 6 year old wasn’t around yet. I don’t want him to know too much too early. I don’t think it’s healthy emotionally.
So, darling friends inside my computer, what would you tell your six year old in regards to sex?