The other night, my stepson was on Skype talking to a classmate. A girl that had been on the football team with him, during his short-lived stint at the athletics (he’s more of a drama guy).
Another girl, who was at my house, was all like…EW, that girl he’s talking to is gross. She’s like totally emo and bi, she tells EVERYONE. She dumped a boy to date a girl. And she’s just nasty.
Emo and bi?
In 8th grade.
OK, back it up. Emo I get. I do. It’s like being goth or punk. It’s old skool under a different name. Black make up, black hair, black clothes.
But Bi?
In 8th grade?
Wait though, my friends daughter told me that there is a girl in 5th grade that is telling everyone she’s Bi.
As in…Bi-Sexual. As in…being sexually interested in both sexes.
In 5th grade?
This? I don’t get.
Chances are, these kids haven’t experienced sex with anyone except, maybe, themselves.
Do these kids need attention THAT badly that they are willing to risk what their peers think of them?
Or have they really already decided that they are bi-sexual at such young age?
My kids told me that, in their schools alone, there are a handful of kids announcing their emo, bi-sexual status.
As early as middle school.
Kids nowadays are foreign to me.
I don’t get them, at all.
When I was in middle school, all I cared about was Duran Duran, ballet and a boy named David Fisher.
High school was the same except for my crush…Neal.
I didn’t even think about kissing(until I was a little older, like 10th grade. I was a late bloomer, I suppose).
I simply had a crushes.
I don’t remember knowing from being straight, gay or bi.
I know that my parents had a lot of gay friends because of the antique business that my mom was in. Excuse the stereotype because really, this is the truth.
The 80’s must have been a really sheltered time. Because these days, kids are so much more knowing than I was at a way younger age.
Hello internet and cable.
One thing that remains constant is, these kids with the “issues” are the ones with questionable parenting. Well, that’s the way I see it. These kids may have a mom that is in the kitchen cooking but not paying attention to what junior is doing or saying.
Just because the parent is around doesn’t mean they are informed or involved.
Obviously these kids are crying out for attention. And it’s not going to end until they get what they are craving. Only, sometimes the progression is worse.
I guess times don’t change that much and my parents were probably of the same school of thought in regards to punkers. However, I believe it’s gone to the extreme with this invasive technology being in your face.
The bottom line, as with everything else, parents need to parent. Kids are crying out louder for help and attention. We need to be available to them.
If you really are bi-sexual or gay, that’s all fine and dandy. Sing it loud and proud.
But if it’s just for attention? Go tap your mom, dad or someone close to you on the shoulder and let them know you really need to talk to them.
Or call me. Because I care.
Parents, open your eyes because it’s YOUR problem.
and this post is EXACTLY why I place my children in a vacuum sealed bubble! My 9 year old does not even no what GAY or BI or EMU is and if I have anything to do with it, it will be a long time before he does.
And, and . . . I’m really just shaking my head at this – astonished??? I mean, for real parents, hello? TALK TO YOU KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And, next school year, I’m totally homeschooling!
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I don’t see a problem with kids understanding what those terms mean. One of my biggest issues is w/ lack of tolerance in today’s society & schools, so I want my boys at a young age to understand that whoever you are and no matter who you love, you’re okay in our book. That differences DO exist and that’s totally cool.
The problem, like you said, is the lack of conversation happening in homes. Kids are learning this (obviously) at a younger age, but with no context around it.
Sorry for the rant. My point is that I agree with you!!
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I definitely think kids know waaaay more than we did at their age. A lot of it has to do with the parents and other adults being more open and vocal about their choices and other forms of mainstream acceptance. It doesn’t surprise me that kids are mimicking what they see, but like you said, if it’s not real, I think it could be damaging in the long run. Very interesting. I’ll have to think about this some more..
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I have to agree with you – kids are what? 14 in 8th grade? Sure, they might have some confusing feelings that *may* indicate they are gay, but just as well might not. Basically, its too early to make a call one way or another. Even if a kid at that age is 100% having feelings for only their own sex — give it time! There’s just no way at 10 or 14 that a kid has had enough experience with just sexual *feelings* (not even experiences though I know that does happen at that age – crazily enough) to be able to declare 100% being one way or the other.
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Kids do know way too much now. There needs to be more talking in the house. Society and TV make all of these actions OK and cool. Values are disappearing and we have to instill them in our children at home.
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I was much like you. A “late” bloomer so to speak.
But when I was in 7th grade I knew a girl who was engaged….to a 20 year old. (for serious) I knew kids that were gay whether they said it out loud or not.
I understand the concern about kids that young labeling themselves, but in some ways I think it’s progress and in other ways I agree there may be a bit more of a strong stance about her feelings if her parents aren’t really engaged.
It’s tough.
So what did you say to the visiting girl? I don’t know how I would handle that if it was one of my kids friends.
Thankfully my 13 year old son is totally behind socially so we haven’t even encountered this stuff yet, but I know it is coming. And I’m scared.
I’m totally w/you. What happened to having a crush on a boy 2 grades above b/c he is so cool. It just boggles my mind the awareness children have these days.
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I think you summed this entire post up perfectly with this statement: “Obviously these kids are crying out for attention.” That’s what it is, plain and simple. And it’s simply sad.
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As you said, kids are exposed to a lot more much sooner via the Internet and television. But, let’s not kid ourselves: there has always been kids that were sexually active at a young age. As far as sex goes, I think it’s more of a socio-economic thing than exposure to television and other media.
When I was in middle school, well before the Internet was even thought of, I knew of kids that were “doing it.” A girl down the street from me, in fact, ended up having a kid of her own at age 13. There was another girl in my 8th grade class who was alleged to be dating a college guy.
I can’t speak for you ladies, but for guys, the hormones really kick in about the seventh or eighth grade. There will always be a percentage of kids that are going to test those hormones out with the opposite sex.
As parents, it is up to stay involved with our kids, to know as best we can what they’re doing. I know I’m scared to death about when my three kids hit “that” age.
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I think this is such shaky ground. I do think some kids that age definitely know what they want and are interested in. I had crushes on boys at that age so you could have definitely labeled me as heterosexual, but that just wasn’t you did, applying the labels. I would think that if you felt one particular way or the other you wouldn’t have to shout it from the rooftops. The whole telling everyone and making a deal out of it to me is the part where she is screaming for attention.
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I think there’s a slight problem in thinking that one knowing one’s sexual identity–in terms of which gender or genders they crush upon–automatically means they’re sexually active. I know the reality is that kids ARE having sex earlier and earlier, but the two are not identical.
I see a bit of hypocrisy in saying that it’s “normal” to “just” have crushes on some boy, but somehow abnormal to already know you crush on both (or the same gender)–the way I see it, one’s sexual orientation is there from the beginning, so the crushes will be along those lines.
Yes, more conversations need to be going on in those homes. But how do you know that those conversations haven’t already been going on? And that this is WHY those girls know that what they feel is labeled as being bisexual?
As for the being open about it…well, isn’t that what we want our children to be? Open about who they are? Building acceptance from a young age? If no one knows it exists until they’re hit with it at an older age, the reaction tends to be far more hostile.
The person I’m more concerned about in this story is the other girl–the one who said the bi girl was nasty BECAUSE SHE’S BI and committed the apparently unpardonable sin of dumping a boy to go out with a girl.
I’m wondering what conversations are going on in HER home.
Sorry to vent, but I see too many of the tragedies–the children (yes, CHILDREN) who are taught to hate themselves because they don’t fit the mold that society thinks they should. And then, all too tragically, sometimes become so despairing that they take their own lives.
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