Dearest Santa,
Hi. How’s the weather over there in the North Pole? How’s Mrs. Claus treating you? By the way and just out of curiosity, do old people still have sex? Ahem…
Anywhoo…
I know this is very unorthodox and out of my norm, but I have a few requests. You see, as the mommy of the house, I was neglected for Chanukka. Yes Santa, it’s true. I didn’t get a single gift from my husband. My daughter got me a lovely purple flower that sat in my window for a few days, which I loved and appreciated. But, I was overlooked, on the most part.
So I thought, dear Santa, that I would give this a try. I don’t have a big list of wants, Santa. I’m a reasonable woman, I realize that there is only so much room in your sleigh and that the reindeer probably charge more over a certain pound. By the way, Santa, are the reindeer starting to become greedy like the airlines?
So, let’s cut the small talk, Santa dearest, now it’s all business…
First and foremost, I’d REALLY love a new Ford Flex…
Nothing fancy, I’d just like one that has the Sync system thing, leather seats and a moon roof. No biggie. In fact, Santa, you could just order it from my neighbor who works for Ford. You wouldn’t even have to have your reindeer ship it. It’s a win-win.
Next, I’d really love these…
OR
Or just a plain pair of Christian Louboutin pumps would be lovely. Thanksosmuch.
Third, and this one is fairly easy…
The Chloe Heloise bag. That, you can just squish right next to you, along with the shoes. See, I’m not difficult.
Now, I don’t know how we’ll work this one. I may have to send measurements, you’ll let me know. But, I’d love new countertops for my kitchen. The corian is getting a little outdated and the white bores me. I’ll keep the cabinets because they are fine. I think, what would really spruce it up, would be…
Pretty, eh?
Lastly, because I don’t want to seem too greedy…
More than anything. Before I die, which is someday…
I just want to meet these boys…
Simon, John, Nick and Roger.
Yes, I still love them. The ringer on my phone plays Hungry Like The Wolf. I swoon when I see pictures.
I know, there is something wrong with me. My mind never matured from high school. Ah me.
But on any account, I don’t know how you can arrange it, darling Santa, but I would appreciate waking up on Christmas morning to find the boys from Duran Duran sitting on my couch drinking coffee.
Or, just their new album, All You Need Is Now, will have to do.
I promise Santa, I’ll shop to buy things for my kids stockings so that you don’t have to. I won’t tell them if you don’t.
But Santa, take pity on this Jewish girl who got nothing for Chanukka.
Thank you in advance for your generosity this Holiday Season.
Stay warm.
Melissa
p.s. oh yeah, a pair of diamond hoops wouldn’t hurt either. See, a small gift that you could sneak in your pocket and not tell those reindeer about!
I hope you get at least one of those! (and if you get THAT one, you’d better send me a plane ticket so I can meet them too. Just sayin’.)
Melisa´s last blog post ..Phil Keoghan Would Totally Dig Us
Those boots are… to DIE for
Vera @ Lady and the Blog´s last blog post ..VIDEO- Fashion Hauling At JCREW
Wow, you have good taste. I mean, my feet hurt just looking at those boots but I’m down with the bag and you posted a picture OF MY EXACT CAR. Color and everything! Girl, we need to go for a joyride.
P.S. I used to think I could dial 1-800-SIMONLEBON and magically talk to him. I hoped anyway.
Fadra´s last blog post ..An Ornamental Journey
Those boots are awesome! Of course, as a guy, you’d never see me wearing them, but I do think they are awesome! Hope you get something on your list!
Matt´s last blog post ..Reading Through the Bible in One Year
I was just calling in to update my “Naughty ‘N’ Nice” list ( because, you know, Santa is something of a Luddite and won’t let us do emails or anything, like, LABOR SAVING or anything, even though this IS the busiest time of year and the damn switchboard is always swamped ) when Mrs. Claus jumped on the phone (she DOES like emails, apparently, but still can’t convince the boss) and said to tell you, “Yes, Dearie. As frequently as possible – after all, what ELSE is there to do?”
Although I think it’s mostly HER idea, personally.
lceel´s last blog post ..Haiku Friday – Critters
I’ve sent the Claus an email to let him know what a good girl you’ve been. Hopefully, you’ll get a little something in your stocking this year!
Gigi´s last blog post ..I am woman hear me roar Apparently- that means I can and will take care of it all!
See…I’m having a marathon “Rock and Drool” night!!! Wanted you to know I stole your Chanukkah list and made it my Christmas list…wonder if it will work any better for me than it did for you?? Good luck with Santa…he has already been a doll baby to me so I’m not asking for more. I got a new Kia Soul in Alien with a sunroof (her name is Sigourney Wasabi) and new furniture…but I waited a long time for both!! So, I’ll send a note to the Pole for you 🙂
Nanc´s last blog post ..I am just tickled
Ouch! Those boots are cute, but hurt my feet just looking at them. Sorry to hear you received no goods for Chanukka. You should do like me and just go buy them yourself. Love those counter tops! Now I want some, too.
I am sorry that you were neglected at Hannukah. Perhaps you should amend that to have Duran Duran serve you coffee in bed. And some cinnamon rolls.
Another Suburban Mom´s last blog post ..Sunday Stealing
I still love Duran Duran too. LOL
Shondira´s last blog post ..Making Someones Day