Obese.
That was the word my Thyroidologist was using when he was discussing my situation with me yesterday at my 3 month check up.
Obese?
Me?
Yes, I’m fat.
I recognize that.
“But,” I try not to cry to him, it comes out whiny and moany “it’s been out of my control. Nothing I do works.”
He keeps mentioning things like over-eating. Diet. Exercise. Vitamin supplements
I don’t. I am. I do. I WILL!
He doesn’t listen.
He has already written me off as a woman who closet eats and doesn’t exercise.
I don’t. I do.
Obese, he keeps saying in reference to me.
Stop it. Just stop saying that. I want to cover my ears and scream at him.
He doesn’t even look at me, just my file.
I’m a white sheet of paper with illegible handwriting, only taken out of a filing cabinet before my visit.
It’s a thin file.
But I’m not.
It can’t be. There’s no way. Not me.
I am NOT obese.
I’m just fat.
He slides his glasses down to the tip of his nose and reads to me what his last report already told me, I’m very low in vitamin D and should consider supplements.
Maybe that will help a bit, he says.
He tells me to expect his new report in two weeks as he is leaving my room to go see his other patients.
See you in 6 months, he says kindly. Oh and, you just happen to be one of those women that, for unexplained reasons, gains weight.
He leaves.
I mustn’t cry. Not over a silly word.
A word that surely doesn’t describe anything to do with me.
But it does.
30 pounds overweight is considered obese.
As of this latest scale stepping, I’ve gained 60 pounds in 2 years.
SIXTY POUNDS.
I’m 50 pounds over where I should be.
I wasn’t a toothpick when all these thyroid issues began.
I’m a stay-puff marshmallow now. An oompah loompah minus the self tanner.
And gaining by the week.
Vitamin D supplements kicked up a notch.
Exercise kicked up even more notches.
Cutting back sugar.
Cutting back carbs.
Cutting back air.
I’m sick of looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person looking back at me.
I’m sick of stepping on the scale and left feeling like I’m going to vomit.
I don’t know what’s happening to me. To my body.
It’s not in my control.
And as a controlling person, this is completely unacceptable.
As soon as that new report comes to me in the mail, I’m taking it to a different doctor.
Someone who will hopefully look at me as a person and not a fat file.
Someone who can help me get back in control.
Someone who will never say that word in reference to me and then leave me with no hope for finding answers.
Obese?
No. Please. Not me.
This breaks my heart, Melissa!
Lolli @ Better in Bulk´s last blog post ..Boy Crazy
that sucks. i hope you can find a doctor who really wants to help you and treats you like the valuable person you are!
lonek8´s last blog post ..Hand Dance This- McDonalds
That hurts. A lot. You can fix this – you just need a doctor who’s willing to help. Been there, done that (back again). Feel your pain.
(((hugs)))
Many hugs! It irritates me to no end when doctor’s come in – make a proclamation and walk away. Find another doctor – one who’s willing to *listen* to you and help you.
Gigi´s last blog post ..I am woman hear me roar Apparently- that means I can and will take care of it all!
Hi Melissa,
I clicked on your link from Y’s blog. I too am on thyroid medicine. Go to a different doctor. I saw a specialist once. I could not stand the man, so I went back to my Primary Care who was so sweet. I was on Synthroid/Levothyroxine, and still had so many symptoms. I talked him into switching me to Armour which is natural thyroid (from pigs). It made me feel normal again. I am able to lose weight now but need to work on my self-control 🙂 I’ve been on this medication now for 9 years or more and am so thankful for it. Good luck to you!
Oh sweetie, I know what it’s like to live in a body hell-bent on causing you frustration. I hope you can find a doctor who can provide you with better care.
Jill´s last blog post ..Trip
I really wish doctors were more sensitive to their patients and treat the whole person and not just their symptoms.
Tara R.´s last blog post ..All in my head
It hurts even more when they put the word morbid in front of it, and I don’t have an excuse.
Jennifer´s last blog post ..Snoring
Your doctor is kind of an asshole. Perhaps you should get another one. And maybe a complete physical. Maybe you have a blood sugar issue or some other hormone imbalance.
Another Suburban Mom´s last blog post ..Sunday Stealing
The doc sounds a little like a gigantic ass that doesn’t listen to his patients words!!!
Aunt Crazy´s last blog post ..Aunt Crazy is getting out the soapbox
You live in Michigan…vitamin D deficiency is like a prerequisite.
pickel´s last blog post ..Gingerbread Cookie Sculpture