Oh Gee, A Little School Break Is Upon Us. Whoopie.

I’m a bad mom.

Feel free to chastise me in the comments after you hear me out.

I dread school breaks. I do.

I brace myself for them and clench my jaw practically the whole time.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. And my husband. Almost more than 50% of the time ;). Especially when they are sleeping or at a friends house.

They are lovely people, extremely cute to look at and somewhat entertaining. With earplugs.

Truly.

Except when they are home fighting, begging, crying, whimpering because they are “bored” and being noisy, ungrateful biatches. Otherwise, they can be very sweet and charming.

Gasp…the horror! I just called them all biatches. Stop the presses.

True dat.

Remember, there are 5 of them. When they are home, every single one of them is demanding something at any given time. And, to be heard over each other, the voices escalate. Glass shatters and the earth tremors.

I’m outnumbered and out-vocal-corded. It’s just me, fighting to stay alive amongst the wolves.

Until I end up resorting to standing in the garage, screaming out of frustration and wishing I never gave up smoking. Oooo, lookie here, in the garage fridge, BEER!

Thanksgiving break is only 5 days, starting at 3 pm this afternoon. Which is practice for that two week break which is coming up mid-December. Oh hold me.

OK, the positive to this (see, I could NEVER have tried to get the job of that Sam-E happy blogger thing that is running amuck through the blogosphere, I’m too negative!) because yes, there is a positive side.

Kinda.

I can sleep in.

That’s a good thing.

What? Why are you looking at me like that? Because I didn’t say that I get to spend more time with my kids when they are home?

DUDE…I spend TONS of time with my kids. Like…from 3pm on. Every single day.

We are a very spend-time-together type family. Really. In fact, we are SUCH a close family that we don’t really even need this break. Seriously.

I’ll just send my kids to school Wednesday and Friday anyways. They can have Thursday off for the holiday, that’s all the break we need. Really.

But honestly…

I don’t get, aside from the no schedule thing, why people look forward to having their kids home with them for days on end, wreaking spacial havoc and breaking eardrums in their wake.

I know I’m not the only one out there. There has to be a few of you who’d rather suck the jowls of a rabid bulldog while stepping on chards of glass barefoot than to be stuck at home for days on end trying to entertain un-entertainable kids.

Talk to me.

Anyone?

Anyways, I’m good alone in my own camp.

Like I said, I love them. There isn’t anything I would rather do than be a mommy. Except perhaps, I dunno…a famous writer who’s words are adored by many…if I can ever find uninterrupted time to write a novel.

Sigh.

Whatev.

But I can’t help it. After every single school vacation, Mommy ends up needing a vacation and not just those few fleeting hours of the day while they are all in school.

I’m talking a REAL vacation. One that includes a tropical sun, ocean, palm trees and oh…those nice little fruity drinks with umbrellas and fruit wedges. With my kids safely at home with a sitter. Whining to her about how bored they are.

Ah, to dream.

Shhh…don’t wake me.

Just let the kids in when they start pounding on the LOCKED front door and send them directly up to their rooms, which need desperately to be cleaned, and leave me with my fantasy for the next few days.

Thank you.

See, I told you I’m a bad mom.

p.s…remember, I said I LOVE my kids!!

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