Domestic Engineering and Me…NOT A Match Made In Heaven Or Anywhere Else, For That Matter

· by: melissa

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Day to day domesticities are not my strong suit.

At all.

There is nothing about a pile of clothes in need of laundering or a toilet that needs the poop circles scrubbed away that makes me want to run home after dropping my son off to school and get down and dirty with cleaning chemicals.

I’m OK with living in a little clutter. It’s easy for me to ignore, especially when I’m engrossed in a little Twitter conversation or lost in a character development for a short story.

I’ve always been a natural disaster.

Growing up, my bedroom was the cause of many arguments. Inevitably, if I wanted to be able to go out on a Saturday night, I’d have to “clean” my room. And by “clean”, I mean shoving things under my bed or stuff tightly into my closet.

As long as there was nothing noticeable on the floor, I was good to go.

When I went off to college, I was the bane of my roommates existence. Kind of. I was fun to be around though so I think it made up for my less than neat ways.

Then, I moved into my big girl apartment.

I haven’t spoken much with my ex-roommate since I moved out. It’s a shame, she was a good friend.

And OY, you should have seen the house I lived in with my first husband. Well, it didn’t help that he wasn’t neat either. Good thing I had a cleaning lady twice a week because otherwise we would have been lost in clutter, never to been heard or seen from again.

I haven’t changed my stripes.

I try. Really hard. To fight the stripes though.

The main floor of my forever house (I plan on being buried under the pool in my backyard), I try to keep picked up. To the best of my ability.

My bedroom? It’s like my childhood bedroom revisited minus the parents threatening to not let me go out on a Saturday night.

As badly as I want it to be a romantic getaway, it’s more like um…camping on top of wreckage from a natural disaster.

Hurricane Melissa struck.

So anyways, it’s pissing my husband off.

He wants a neat house, of all crazy things to wish for. Humph.

I’ve been trying to explain to him that there are other “domestic things” I do way better than dusting.

But no. He wants to come home to a neat house with laundry folded and put away. He wants to come home to the scent of dinner cooking and a freshly showered and perfumed wife.

I’m all like, what year do you think this is? 1950? Sheesh.

You’re lucky if you come home and the laundry is done and piled up on the dining room table. You’re lucky if you come home to a house that doesn’t smell like dog shit.

That’s what you’re lucky to get.

So anyways, rebelling against my DNA, I tidied up a bit yesterday.

It took me all day.

No, seriously. It did. Between the computer checking and the dry heaving as I wiped down a toilet, it was an all day project.

For the main floor.

Someone save me, I don’t think I can do this again today to the bedroom.

Actually, I think I won’t.

But really?

Dontchya think that, with 14 big and capable hands in this house that team work would fall into play?

Nope.

I’m a stay at home mom. And the only thing I enjoy about that is the mom part.

Mostly.

Sometimes.

Now, if you don’t mind, my ADD and I are off to go clean my bedroom, if I don’t get distracted by something else as I’m climbing the stairs, like, for example…the front door and my car in the driveway.

Yeah, me and housewife type work…

Not a match.

I’d rather be getting a manicure and going for sushi with a friend.

Besides, it’s not the 50’s anymore. Equal rights means that the man of the house can do more of the cleaning.

Comments

comments

Comments

  1. Loukia says

    I know, I know… I’m the same way, for the most part. But once I start cleaning, when I’m really into it? I actually enjoy it! Only problem then is my children get into everything two seconds later and everything is a big ole mess again! GRRR!
    Also, we have someone come clean our house every two weeks. That keeps me a little sane! Because it’s overwhelming sometimes, all the work!

  4. Fadra says

    Ahh. It seems we are kindred spirits. I grew up in a house full of clutter so it was the norm for me. Cleaning my room as a kid meant I cleared a path to my bed. I rebelled when I had my own apartment and kept it ever so tidy. But now that I have this big house and 2 other people, 2 cats, and a dog to clean up after? Not so much. There are so many other better things to do. For fun, you should check out my free writing post I put up on my blog. You’ll see where my head it at 😉

  5. Henway says

    I think u gotta give yourself some sort of reward after u’re done cleaning up, rewrite the brain to make it think you need to clean up to get something out of it, otherwise u’re just gonna keep having a mess again and again.
    Henway´s last blog post ..Thanskgiving and Losing Weight

  8. mamikaze says

    I am the same way. When my husband comes back from work trips, the floor is now where to be seen. I keep the dishes done and we wash clothes when we can’t find any clean ones.

    When we announced our engagement, my dad told Mike “you know she doesn’t clean house, right?” He was fair warned. Good thing he’s a neat freak or we would be yet another statistic.
    mamikaze´s last blog post ..we can do well in school and fight all at the same time

  9. Kim @ This Belle Rocks says

    I can so relate! I am responsible for all that and then some, and I am NOT a SAHM. And I am married. These days, that means I have three kids instead of just two, though.

    I am just glad to have found someone else for whom domesticity does not come naturally.

  10. Lara DiPaola "Momma" says

    “engrossed in a little Twitter conversation: <–this would be code for MY LIFE! Twitter killed any, mind you there was never much, desire I have to achieve domestic goddess-ness. I'm sort of good with natural disasters anyway 🙂

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