I think 1st grade is a tough year for transition. Kids are still such babies and yet, the expectations put upon them scholastically and behaviorally are unrealistic. Evolution hasn’t, well…evolved all that much when it comes to milestones and children. 6 and 7 year olds are basically still fresh from the womb, minus the midnight feedings and diaper changes.
This expectation put upon them causes some sort of emotional rebellion. I find 1st grade to be one of the toughest years. This is my fifth kid going through first grade and it’s only gotten harder. Sigh.
Temper tantrums are worse than the alleged “terrible twos” (which, I’ve never had with my kids, terrible fours were all the rage in my house). Defiant behavior, “no, make me” or worse is par for my typical experience.
It’s really bad right now with my 6 year old. Worse than I remember any of the other kids behaving. My oldest was like this but didn’t open a big mouth to other people, my little one doesn’t care who he is being defiant and having a tantrum towards.
I’m at a loss.
I yell. A lot.
I swatted clothed tushie. A few times. Not hard. In fact, there was no physical pain inflicted. But then again, no point seemed to have been made so my effort was futile.
Sucks to be me when I have a kid who is 100 times more stubborn than me.
Tonight, as usual, my 6 year old was crabby and argumentative. That’s his natural state of being these days but at night, it’s worse.
We got in our usual fight. “Brush your teeth.” “NO.” “Please get your pj’s on.” “NO.”-type fight.
Bad language was used.
By him.
I got mad. Because frankly, I’m sick of my children thinking it’s OK to speak to an adult with disrespect. Which, has caught on with my little one.
I swatted.
He crumpled.
Not because I hurt him. I already told you my swats don’t hurt. Physically.
He looked at me, eyes shining with tears about to slide down his cheeks.
“Mommy, you always yell at me.” He said, lower lip trembling.
I looked at him and went and put my arms around him. “Mommy yells because I get upset at how you behave. But, no matter what, I always love you. With every single part of my heart, soul, and body. I love you. You don’t like when I’m angry with you, do you?”
“No. It makes me sad.”
“Well, it makes me sad when you make everything very difficult. So what are we going to do about this?” I’m curious to see how he thinks we should solve this.
He looked at me, not really paying attention to what I was saying and completely unconvinced by my words. “But Mommy?” the tears come…
“Your hands don’t love me.”
“Of course they do, honey. Everything about me loves you. When I’m angry with you, it’s only because of how you’re acting. My anger and my love are two totally different things. I’ll love you no matter how awful you act.”
“But Mommy, if your hands love me, then why did they swat me?”
I didn’t know what to say to that.
I realized though, tonight. Part of his acting out lately is because of how I’m reacting to it. We are beginning a vicious cycle. He acts out, I get mad, he gets upset that I’m mad and acts out worse.
I have to keep remembering that he is still a baby…6 years old. He should be able to act like it, temper tantrums and all. I’m the one that needs to change my behavior.
Parenting. It’s the most emotionally exhausting experience. Ever.
Oh my love <3 🙁
So sorry 🙁
I have no good words, no advice.
hugs
Kids are fragile! Hubby and I got into a sort of argument about how we will begin to handle disciplining our toddler because she’s getting close to the age where her actions have consequences. He thinks that swatting the butt or her hand is okay but me? Notsomuch. My entire childhood was filled with spankings and it has traumatized me. Granted, it was done out of anger and that is never okay but damn, how do you discipline your kids without crossing that line?
Either way we will all turn out okay. Fucked up but okay.
Good luck, mom.
P.S. My comment wasn’t intended to make you feel bad about spanking. I read it and that’s how it sounds to me but that isn’t what I mean. Loveyou!
This is where you have to get creative in the discipline. We had to think outside the box with ours – because swats didn’t work, after a while (about 6 or so) time outs didn’t work. It’s hard when they are so stubborn.
Gigi´s last blog post ..Perhaps I should just un-invite them
Time outs never worked with either of ours. I have no problem with spanking (and yes, i was spanked as a child – in the grand scheme of things, getting spanked was the least of the troubles back then), but I save it for dangerous activities (like dangling the brother off the stairs by his feet), mainly because my hands hurt so much that I can’t put enough oomph behind it to have an effect. However, taking away favorite toys for a week or two (or a month or more) definitely gets their attention.
Janet´s last blog post ..From a Distance
I can relate. My daughter is seven and all of the sudden she is super dramatic and totally defiant. Only to me though. It is very exhausting. I hate to wish time away, but I’m ready for this “phase” to be over with!
Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos´s last blog post ..I Swear I Dont Beat Him!
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this – I thought I was the only one, so to hear that you’ve been through it not just once, but numerous times makes me feel less alone – truly. I love you more than I did before…and also I think we have the same son. xo
L.A. Stylist Mom´s last blog post ..Happy Halloween!
send him to al and sue, they were allowed temper tantrums up until 3. I still dont have the eyebrow right, but whatever it was that they did, that was it.
Find his currency. Seriously, what matters to him or effects him. Baby Girl (5) HATES to be in her room away from us. When she acts up we send her to her room to be alone. If she wants to be with the rest of the family then she has to behave. End of story.
Well kind of the end of the story. It kills me to do it because she hates it so bad and gets to upset and spends the whole time apologizing in tears. But it works.
Jennifer´s last blog post ..Boo Baby
First grade is so hard. For us – and for our kids. It is making me question everything about my parenting; and until now I was pretty sure I was awesome. Not feeling so awesome now…
Jen @ BigBinder´s last blog post ..Frazzle Free Holiday Travel
When DB was that age he would get a little crabby and rude. For us it was usually because he was hungry, his blood sugar was in the toilet and he was not in tune enough with himself to realize it as he went through some growth spurts then. He was also growing molars and a little achy from them.
Maybe your guy is going through something similar.
Another Suburban Mom´s last blog post ..Friday Foodie-Ask ASM!
Love this post – it was so honest and so many of us can relate!
Whenever my DD10 acts out – mouthiness etc – there are consequences (up to her room etc). But as long as she shows remorse afterwards…I know that everything will be okay. It’s when she doesn’t show any remorse…that I’ll worry…
Oh girl. I give you kudos for handling that gaggle of kids and also for writing this post. I have spanked my kids a handful of times and am not proud of it, but it happens. With one of my kids I think it worked but with my younger one it doesn’t. It’s crazy how siblings are all so different from one another and take different methods of disciplining. You are a great mom and you’re doing what you can. It truly is emotionally exhausting. And full of self-doubt and fear. But you will get through this rough time with your son, and both of you will come out the other side whole. 🙂
Mama Mary´s last blog post ..what’s a holiday without a trip to urgent care
all i kept thinking was yes, yes, yes. this is a beautifully honest and very insightful piece.