To The PMS G-D

Dear G-D of PMS,

I am writing you today to ask for strength and willpower. For now, during this time of month, I am weak and have no tolerance or patience, OH LORD.

I need strength to keep some opinions to myself until after the B’nai Mitzvah. When my words won’t be misconstrued as some stark-raving lunatic ramblings and relationships won’t be put at risk.

Strength to turn my back and ignore provocations. Especially from children. When all I really would like to do is slap them upside their heads. I think they’d be more traumatized by my Exorcist-like neck spinning prior to the backhanding.

I need help to find the strength of understanding. People are strange and quirky. Some of these strange quirks are what make them cute and lovable while others make them really incredibly annoying and not easy to be around.

But really, G-D of all things PMS…

I need such incredible help to find the strength…

to stay away from those delicious, crispy, mouthwatering TollHouse Cookies made with mini M&M’s and two sticks of butter that I baked last night as a treat…

“FOR THE KIDS”!

If I eat them all, then I’d have to contact the G-D’s of Diet and Exercise…again. And quite frankly, they are getting sick of hearing from me.

Thank You In Advance For You PMS Willpower!
Me

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