I went to Victoria’s Secret a few months ago. A new bra was desperately needed because my cheap bras were not controlling the girls very well. They were sticking out everywhere, over the top, under the armpit, the bottom of my shirt (not really, that’s just for effect). And with my out of control growing girth, I need to at grab the reign of the girls (and I don’t mean my daughters because that’s another post for tomorrow) and their chestial (that’s totally a word) placement.
So, I went and bought two bras. A lovely pink, full coverage bra with a cute little bow in the center, for my fuller and very curvaceous figure. And also, one of those newfangled convertible doohickey bras that, well…convert. No, I don’t mean it as a religious thing.
Keep in mind that I mentioned I bought these bras a few months ago. Because you are about to find out a lesser known tidbit of information about me…
My newfangled convertible doohickey bra was lying on the bathroom counter. Obviously, I’m a slob. But anyhoo…
I noticed this…
The straps.
Are.
Fucking.
ACE BANDAGES.
If that doesn’t make you wake up and realize you have GINORMOUS tits, I don’t know what does.
Up until the other day, when I was doing something one does in the bathroom, I just figured it was a normal, albeit VERY UN-FRICKING-COMFORTABLE bra that pushes the skin down on my back, thus causing back fattage. But as I was staring into space, my deer-in-the-headlight gaze caught a glimpse of the strap. Which woke me up. And I went over to inspect it. Then I inspected it further. I came to two reasonable conclusions based upon my Sherlock Holmes-like deductions…
a) I’m the most pathetically unobservant person on the planet and will never make it as a Watson OR a Holmes. Because if I was, then I would have noticed that my boobs are being kept off the floor by a bra that is held on by two strategically placed ace bandages with a pretty polka-dot cover? Yeah. Exactly.
and…
b) The girls are huge.
Oh, p.s…Not to mention that I paid a lot of money for ace bandages. Had I known that is all I needed to keep the lovely ladies from chaffing on the ground, I would have run up to the corner drugstore (not literally, because I’m in exercise sabbatical right now, for no particular reason. I just felt like saying that) and bought myself two ace bandages off the shelf there. That would have cost me, AT LEAST $60 less than I paid for the ace bandage bra at Victorias Secret. Which, by the way, those chicks that work there have really no clue how to properly fit a bra.
pps…not only is that contraption ugly, but Dear Victoria’s Secret, that bra is REALLY FRICKING PAINFUL to wear. It’s a torture chamber device. I mean, c’mon…doesn’t it look like one too?!
That’s my dream job – Bra Fitter.
lceel´s last blog post ..Haiku Friday – What Einstein Saw
I never noticed that and I’m totally wearing a bra JUST LIKE THAT right now and it’s such a pain in the boobs it’s not even funny. Why is it so hard for girls with big boobs to find a decent bra!?!?
Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos´s last blog post ..Calling all WAHMs! –
I have never been comfortable buying bras at Victoria’s Secret, but now that I’m over 50, it feels weird to even walk into the store. Gawd, is it possible I’ve lost my underwear mojo?
Joni Golden´s last blog post ..Friendship Circle director featured on national blogging platform
Oy. Sorry to hear of your bewb dilemma. (Bewblemma? Tit-lemma? TITCRISIS!) Wish I had a big boob solution, but alas, my girls are, at best, average-sized. 😉
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins´s last blog post ..The muse
Alright, don’t get mad. Go to Lane Bryant for your bras. I’m not saying you need to shop there for everything, but their bras go down to a least a 36, maybe smaller, and they are AWESOME. I just bought two because my friend has been swearing by them and seriously, most comfortable, supportive bra I’ve ever owned. And I’ve got really big boobs that need a lot of controlling.
Jennifer´s last blog post ..I thought it would never be over- part 2
Gotta take care of “the girls”….wrapping in an Ace bandage is so “Yentl”….
Oh, and I forgot to include me URL. I actually did a post. Send out the parade.
Stephanie´s last blog post ..The Truth About The Ladies Room
Best bra EVAH for larger “girls”? Tisha by Le Mystere! Awesome, comfy, awesome….but not the prettiest things in the world. Ace bandage free though!
I 2nd the Lane Bryant bras. Good stuff. Any bra I buy that can be used as a strapless for my tig ol bitties has to have those ace bandages or it just falls down.
Have you been to target for bras? They make some awesomely pretty and comfy ones with cute panties to match.
Another Suburban Mom´s last blog post ..HNT Welcome Fall Edition
VS’s new increadible bra is well, increadible. I’m a 38D and it has wider bands so it has more support and decreases my back fat squished around it (On that note, I love the spanx bras as well.) They are SUPER comfy and have non adjustable straps that just seem to fit-it also makes my boobs look nice. Go try it out.
AmyBlam´s last blog post ..Friday Flip-Offs 9-24
Melissa, woman, I can’t even buy bras at VS. Their shit is too small for my enormous tits. Most brands don’t make pretty bras for huge chests so I have two different kinds of bras: Cute and comfy. There are few that cross over.
OMG, when I first saw that pic I thought “hey, I could bandage my bum knee with that” … you make me laugh. I know it’s a dilemma, but I had to laugh.
Sorry no advice from one whose chest is so small that dental floss would be more than sufficient..
Karen MEG´s last blog post ..Friday Fragments – Post of the week
http://www.spanx.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=3010052&cp=2992555
you need this bra it changed my life really!
Welcome to my world. I get my bras in the city, at the special place where they carry my cup size. Tis a big one. Pretty sure if I got knocked up I could solve the world hunger crisis.
Molly´s last blog post ..Acanthosis Nigricans