I don’t care what anyone says, boys are WAY more difficult than girls. True story.
Girls have big mouths and bad attitudes. They can be a royal whiny pain in the ass. Their drama, it seems, is limited to the OMG’ing about the boys in their school and whichever “Team” they choose. In our house, we have a Team Jacob and a Team Edward. What a war. The amount of growling, gnashing of bared teeth and foam flying over who is hotter is ridiculous. I don’t know, would I rather be destined to a life of blood sucking or get ripped apart by a werewolf? Hmmm? Although, Edward is far too skinny, I’d have to fatten him up or I’d scrunch him if I was on top…
Girls are also, of course, catty. Something that isn’t really outgrown, ever. Not saying that I am but Holy Hell, did you see how short that woman’s skirt was, isn’t she way too old and wrinkly to be wearing shit like that, doesn’t she have any idea that she isn’t a teenager anymore.
There are clothing wars. Hair product wars. Make up wars. Whose boyfriend is cuter war. Who is most popular war.
That is the extent of the girl drama issues. They are SO much easier. Because really? Hello simple. Except when you are trying to explain to a teen that she better NOT go after another girls boyfriend because no way does she ever want to be known as the boyfriend thief. EVER.
Talk about drama.
When they are little, they are more emotional and attached to their Mommy. Which, isn’t that big of a deal, in fact, it’s quite sweet. Until they hit school age and put on quite the Academy Award winning performance during drop off. And you’re looking around at all the other kids who have been dropped off effortlessly without clinging to the leg of their Mommy and have no pipes that burst, exploding water down their faces along with a screechy, high pitched crying.
No amount of Calgon will take you away. None.
And then these sweet boys who love their Mommies? They eventually outgrow the display and have a bunch of awards on their shelf, commending their outstanding dramatic performances.
But…they are flunking out of Algebra and Earth Science because, even though their homework is done and is put away in a folder (maybe not the appropriate one, but hey, at least it’s put away) they “forgot” to turn it in. Or, they are not sure why the teacher didn’t give them credit for it because ” I swear to G-D, I showed it to him.”
Of course, I believe my once-cling-on child. Because he looks at me with his big blue eyes and produces from somewhere deep within the bottomless pit of his backpack, his neat (although a little wrinkled) and COMPLETE assignments, proving to me that he isn’t lying and that his teachers are out to get him.
Right? I mean, aren’t all the teachers out to get the kids? Yeah, I thought so.
Forget little drama with bigger boys. It’s more like EPIC SAGAS.
Boys are more emotional messes. Probably because they are bigger and smellier than girls. Seriously, have you ever caught a whiff of a boys gym shoe? You could kill a small village with just one pair of gyms shoes that were left in the rain. No kidding. I don’t know why scientists don’t experiment with some sort of odor warfare using gym shoes.
With girls, you give them a mascara and tell them how pretty they are and they are happy, skipping around the house singing the latest Lady Gaga song…or wait, is that me? Hmmm…
Or, you buy them a new shirt, only if it’s skin tight, and they can spend hours in front of the mirror checking out how their boobs look in it. Only after their homework is done and put away neatly in the appropriate folder.
I have no clue what to do with them.
But holy shit, do I love my boys. (And my girls, too…DUH. But this post is about how difficult boys are).
Then, they grow into men. Bigger drama, bigger stinks, bigger um…never mind.
And we girls marry them.
omg, I JUST had a thought. What if it’s JUST MY BOYS? And everyone else on the planet has not one single issue with their child.
TELL ME IT’S NOT JUST ME!!!