I snagged the September issue of Cosmo from my hairdresser yesterday, with her permission, of course. That whole magazine slays me. And positioned in my present monthly condition, my snarky kicks in strong. Along with my sarcasm.
There is an article in the September edition called “Would You Do This To Your Vagina?” that absolutely cracked me up. It was all about Vajazzling your vajayjay, bush hairstyles, crotch fitness, labia lipstick and accessories to make your vagina all pretty during your period, like that could ever happen.
I just think it would be funny if, say, after your partner was done orally delighting you, instead of a glazed donut, they were wearing your vajazzled as a mustache.
PantyO. Kegel exercise underwear. Because THAT sounds really comfy. Better than a wedgie. Or camel toes. There is a 1 inch extension that you insert into your vag. ALL DAY LONG, you have this 1 inch thing shoved up your crotch. If it vibrated and had external stimulation, maybe that would make the whole thing more attractive. Otherwise, it just sounds REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE for $125! No thank you. I’ll get my kegel exercise the old fashioned way. Twice a week. And I don’t leak when I sneeze. Thank you.
My New Pink Button. Temporary dye. For your labia. WHY? I’m not a porn queen. I’ve given birth 3 times. I’ve been having sex with the same man for years. I could give a rats ass what the color of my labia is. I don’t think my husband cares either, as long as I’m giving him bj’s. Unless there were some oozing sores that were the cause of this discoloration. Then there would be a completely different type of discussion going on.
The new Brazilian? Let the bush grow. Wild. Maybe add some dreadlocks. Or Bo Derek corn rows.
The accessories? Ridiculous. Pads that are hot pink leopard print by Pantzies. And Cuchini makes pads that won’t stick to your newfound wild bush. Personally, I’m sticking to the winged pads. A mess is a mess. Whether they are pretty pads that won’t pull out the pubes or not.
People have way too much time on their hands, inventing some of the most unnecessary ridiculosity.
Stay tuned for the discussion regarding the article about the girl who married her stepbrother. Right after I finish vajazzling and applying applying vag blush.