I don’t want to be dark and depressing.
But that is where I am right now.
I’m questioning why. And if. And how.
At everything life is throwing at us.
I’m playing “C’mon Get Happy” in my head, over and over. I’m really trying to shake this.
It’s not working right now.
I can’t stand feeling like a businessman stumbling out of Happy Hour.
Out of control.
I have no control over anything in my life.
Not a fricking thing.
There is nothing.
I feel useless.
And completely unnecessary.
I’m a practical joke.
I can’t stand this feeling.
I’m not sure what to do with it. It’s familiar but I only knew it from a distance before.
It’s arms are wrapped tightly around me, talons piercing.
I can barely catch my breath.
I can barely keep the tears from welling up.
I can barely keep from screaming.
I want to claw, punch, kick and scream WHY! WHY!! WHY??
But I swallow it down with a sip of coffee.
Wanting more from MY life than it seems to want to give to me. And I don’t know how to change it.
Wanting more from someone that someone is willing to do.
Sick of bad decisions.
Tired of actions taken before thoughts.
Sick of nothing being done.
In a dark place.