Some Feelings Never Change: The Blogher ’10 Edition

I can’t believe a whole year has passed since Blogher ’09, Chicago. I remember how nervous I was. How worried I was about the impression I would make. If I would like my bloggy friends IRL and even more…if they would like me. Blogher, for a first conference ever was like going to sleepaway camp for the first time and going the whole summer. It’s BIG TIME. It’s the largest, most overwhelming experience I have ever had (different from marriage and giving birth). Overload of senses.

I wrote this post, last year, Laying Naked On The Examination Table. I posted it a few days before I was to leave for Chicago. Upon re-reading it, I realize that, this year, I have many of the exact same fears that I had last year. I may not be as nervous, except for the flying part. I HATE flying. I kind of know what to expect, as far as the conference/senses overload part. I didn’t go crazy with buying clothing or shoes this time. But how I’m feeling…the butterflies, they are the same species that flapped around last year.

Instead of writing a whole new post, I decided to just repost the main part of my post dated July 22, 2009…

I’m having some sort of mid-life limbo identity inferiority complex with my blog right now.
And I’m going to put it out there for all of you.
As you know, Blogher is fast approaching. A few days. Holy SHIT!!!
So many of you are having breakdowns over what to wear. What shoes to bring. What products to pack. What luggage to bring. What bag to put your swag in.
I’m fine on all of that. Whatever. I don’t care. It all seems so silly.
I’m pretty. I have great hair. I have great taste. I can make a paper bag look stylish with the right accessories and shoes. Although, it has to be an extra large paper bag, but still. I’m not there to impress anyone with my looks.
Now that I’ve figured out what parties to go to.
And my sessions have been chosen.
My real insecurity has come blazing forward, guns drawn…
My blog.
It’s my biggest insecurity.
I talk a big fucking talk. Oh yeah. I’m proud of some of my posts. And I think I have a kick ass blog name.
But really.
I’m feeling intimidated. And overwhelmed. Not in an OverwhelmHer type way, either.
In a what the fuck am I doing going to Blogher, type way.
Is my blog really worthy enough?
Do I really have anything to say?
Do I write well enough?
Am I interesting? Funny?
Do people really like me or am I being humored?
I’m trying to change my thought process into…I’m going so I can finally meet my friends, IN REAL LIFE.
I’m trying to lessen the fact that one of the reasons for Blogher is, I’m making this trip so I can promote my blog.
Because that is THE ONLY THING that is really.
Truly.
Scaring the piss out of me.
Because, when it comes down to it…
It really doesn’t matter what you brought with you to wear to Blogher.
Or how many pairs of stilettos or flats.
It doesn’t matter what color your little dress is.
It doesn’t really matter what swag you passed out or received.
Or even really who sponsored you.
Because, when it’s all over.
And we’ve exchanged our cards.
And we’ve poked with our Pokens.
And we’ve bumped our iPhones.
We’ve hugged. Kissed.
We’ve boarded our planes, trains, cars…
headed home with our hangovers and giggles.
We’re back to basics.
Writing posts.
Desperately twittering to remind people that we have a new post, because we didn’t get enough comments for our comment whore-ish liking.
Trying to reach out to our new blog friends.
Visiting our established friends blogs.
Trying to find our place in this hugely cut-throat competitive and drama ridden Mommy Blogosphere.
And I really wonder, aside from my love of writing.
Do I have what it takes to keep my new and old friends interested in hanging out with me and my blog?
There you have it.
Legs spread wide open for my pap smear and I didn’t shave the bush.
Hit publish.

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