There was a recent article in New York Mag by Jennifer Senior called All Joy And No Fun: Why Parents Hate Parenting. I read it. You should too! From the way I’ve been feeling since middle school started (ok, maybe a little earlier than that), I could completely relate to so many things the author wrote about.
I love being a parent…a MOMMY!
It’s what I always wanted to do, be a Mommy. Have my own living dolly babies to push around in a stroller, dress, feed and worship. Have little voices saying Mama, Mommy.
Being a Mom to small children was different. I dug it. Aside from some really trying parts like not sleeping through the night, teething and crying for hours on end, I was really happy.
This teen/tween thing is knocking me for a loop.
I adore my children. My heart beats a little faster, a little stronger, when I see them. They are the center of my world. Every single thing I do is for them. I worry big. I dote big. I love even bigger.
But I can’t always stand parenting.
It’s tedious, monotonous, frustrating, annoying.
I’m tired of the incessant fighting, of listening to the fighting amongst them and the fighting with me.
I am done saying “no” like a broken record to their unrealistic demands, so I have begun a little thing called “operation ignore”.
The tattle tale syndrome in my house is spreading like some sort of plague with no cure in sight. Maybe college?
I’m sick of hearing myself yell. I’m tired of telling my kids to watch their mouths, check their attitudes or leave the room. I love you now get out of my space, goodbye.
I adore them. I don’t want to be in the same room with them sometimes.
I didn’t go into parenthood thinking that it would fulfill me. It doesn’t, not totally, but it completes me. Sorry, I sound like Jerry McGuire. I get fulfillment from other things, too. Like writing, for example. But there is nothing…NOTHING…that makes me feel like a whole person than my kids.
I didn’t become a Mom thinking that it was going to make me a happier person. I was a happy person, more consistently, before having kids. But my happiness is deeper, more heartfelt and rewarding. Sometimes. When I’m not yelling or banging my head against a wall.
It’s always hard work.
It’s not always fun.
Freedom is limited, as are so many other things that were taken for granted once upon a time, in a pre-child life.
Would I change a single thing? Maybe I wouldn’t have spoiled them as much. Perhaps I would have be more consistent in the crying it out thing or I would have nursed longer.
Things I would have changed are merely just that…things. Sort of insignificant and inconsequential in the scheme of this thing I’m doing called being a Mom.
The whole parenting gig though? I went into it with no expectations of how it would make it’s mark on me. So, I’m not disappointed. I’m not unhappy. I’m not unfulfilled.
As a Mommy, my heart and soul are full.
As a parent, I’ve got some issues.
Another Suburban Mom says
I really suggest that you read, “Get out of my life but 1st take me and Cheryl to the Mall” Its great insight into tween brain and how you need to adjust your parenting for this age group.
Another Suburban Mom´s last blog post ..Ask The HR Chick- The Tricky Question
The truth is, teens and tweens often feel the same way. You’ve heard the saying, maybe: “Get out of my life! But first will you drive me to the mall?” It’s all true.
And it all does pass. Take care of yourself!
Daisy´s last blog post ..Many moons ago- I thought I was done
I feel you. Someone told me that I have “momma” in my DNA, and I do. I felt like a mommy before I ever even had kids. I mothered everyone around me. The parenting thing though… I’m not so great at that.
Jennifer´s last blog post ..The Fourth
L.A. Stylist Mom says
I love *you* for writing this. It makes me feel less lonely as a parent – and I guess I’m screwed since mine are only three and six. *SIGH* xoxox
L.A. Stylist Mom´s last blog post ..Up Next- Temple St Clair For Target…
WritRams (Jackie) says
TOTALLY GET IT. It’s so weird, though, like moms aren’t allowed to say it. If we say it out loud then people look at us with *gasp* She’s a horrible mom! Well, I’m with you sister. I just wrote a similiar blog post about it, too (this week). Kudos to you for saying it so that those of us who feel it too know that we aren’t crazy. :o)
WritRams (Jackie)´s last blog post ..It just looks like a lunch box…
Scary Mommy says
Spot on post. I agree 10000%.
Being a mom is great!! It’s the best! Being a parent? Not so much.
Gigi´s last blog post ..If wishes were horses
Joni Golden says
This is a great post. You’ve really caught the issue that makes too many parents feel like they’re bad people, when they’re just tired or worn out. The deep, unconditional love is what being a mommy is all about. It’s the reason you get through those times as a parent when you would just as soon drop your child off at school and then spend the rest of the day moving somewhere s/he can’t find you.
You always love. But you can’t always like. Nobody is that good a person.
Joni Golden´s last blog post ..Michigan NOW endorses Bernero- opposes constitutional convention
I’m right there with ya, girl! I must read that article.
LB´s last blog post ..Buried Alive-
SOOOOOOOOO true. My head was doing some major nodding. 🙂
Making It Work Mom says
I couldn’t agree more. I find parenting a tween to be exhausting. The ups and downs are so emotional. I find myself completely brought to tears with each of her new achievements or when she does wonderful things that I never would have considered doing. I also find myself endlessly telling her that she is “driving me crazy” with her attitude, her mean spiritedness, her neediness, her materialism and so much more. I am now exhausted just thinking about it!