In light of a recent NY Times article, here, let’s talk about sex, baby. Not the “act of” because hey, this blog is read by too many family members.
A little pill to cure the lack of desire in females? It’s all over the internet today, blogs, twitter, facebook. Talk of this article and that jagged little pill,Flibanserin, are in going strong.
Flibanserin. A med that the FDA didn’t approve for a disorder now known as hypoactive sexual disorder.
Seriously, there is a name for it. If you know medical terminology, this is just another word for a low sex drive. HSD. Now it’s a disorder though? WOWZERS!
I know so many people that have no interest or desire in sex and yes, it’s mostly women. I’m one of the lucky ones, no matter how tired, hungry, poor, fat, bloated, lazy…WHATEVER…I’m good to go.
Despite the fact that the laundry is piled up to the ceiling, the dishes are attracting bugs and growing a new form of mold, the dogs won’t stop barking at anything that moves, the kids are running through the house wreaking havoc and never going to bed and my husband is sitting on the couch oblivious the chaos around him because there is a big UFC fight going on, waving me away and shushing me to not talk to him…
It doesn’t have any effect my libido.
But, I could see where it could.
A woman could get so fed up with the teeter totter of responsibility always keeping her down that resentment could overtake desire. Or, her biggest, most overpowering desire is only get the chores done before falling into bed exhausted and un-showered once again. I wonder if it would help turn her on to have her husband at her side, scrubbing those stubborn pots and pairing those annoying socks.
Or, what about some of the women I know that have all the help they could ever want, between a doting husband and a cleaning lady. But the interest in sex still isn’t there.
Maybe it’s unsatisfying.
Maybe it’s gotten boring.
Maybe no one wants to talk about it with the lights on because we are such a sexually inhibited and repressed society, or so we keep hearing.
Me included. Because I am NOT going to be caught naked, emotionally or physically, with the lights on!
Although, I am extremely satisfied sexually. I am fortunate, I know. It’s the rest of my home life that could use lots of help, or a little pill.
Perhaps, instead of going to bed before our husbands get there so that we can avoid doing the deed, we should stay awake and discuss. Talk about WHY we don’t want to have sex. What about explaining to our husbands where it is we want to be touched and how we want to be touched.
Here, I’ll lay it out for you the way I see it:
Fellas, you see four laundry baskets full of clean laundry sitting on the dining room table, fold it while you are watching your UFC instead of sitting with one hand in your underwear and the other on the remote control. Because, if your wife comes downstairs after putting Junior and Princess to bed and sees that part of her chores have been complete, maybe she’ll give you that blow job you’ve been asking for.
Or, how about trying this…
She’s had a hard day at the office, then she comes home and makes dinner, bathes the kids and gets them to bed, throws in a load, takes a shower and climbs into bed with her book…be that kind, giving man that you once were…perform oral sex on her. Selflessly. The same way you want or expect “just a little something” before going to bed.
What about, let’s try to get rid of our beer/baby bellies together. Team work.
Guys, you’ve got to give a little to get a little.
But ladies, we are so awesome at discussing things with our girlfriends, let’s include our husbands in the dialogue. Instead of complaining to our friends, let’s talk civilly with our spouses.
I know that, for some, it’s a much deeper issue than this. It’s about how we look and feel in our own eyes. It’s about hanging on to that resentment and anger. It goes way deeper than a dirty house.
Pills aren’t going to help that.
A female viagra with unknown side effects isn’t the answer.
Personally, I’m not smart enough to even know how to solve the United States repressed sex problem.
I do know that there is one though.
On a personal level, I’m so relieved and grateful that with all the other crap I have in my home and in my marriage, I still have the desire to have sex with my husband regularly. Despite MANY drawbacks and issues. Regardless of climbing into bed angry.
I do think our sex would be way better though if he helped fold the laundry without my having to scream at him to get off his ass and out of his dungeon man-cave. (Or if I could lose that weight)
Wow, you really went there. I’ll admit that there are times that I’m just not into it. Not that I couldn’t get into it if I had the proper motivation, but I’m tired. Sometimes sleep just wins over sex, and I don’t think a pill can do anything about that.
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even in the bad marriage I too, wanted sex.
and now with MR.F…*sigh*
however I see your point, angry sex can be fun, but not when it’s 99% of the time that you are angry. IT seems too, that the less I would get “it” the less I would want “it”
staciesmadness´s last blog post ..Some people have TALENT
I am on the other end of this problem. My hubby is so worn out by the end of the day all I hear is snoring.
Wow – I think you pretty much nailed it. I think it’s not so much a lack of libido as it is other issues, including chores, kids, emotions, etc.
Gigi´s last blog post ..Is It Hot In Here
Amen! I would LOVE some help with that mountain of laundry that seems to pile up in need of folding…it would definitely gain my husband some points and some extra lovin’!
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I love it!! I think you took the words out of every woman’s mouth!
Erin´s last blog post ..Every Other Weekend
Wow, I had a ton of things floating around in my head as I was reading. The one thing that I will say in regards to the talking is make sure the talking is “with” as opposed to being talked “at” “to” or anything else that would make a spouse feel defensive.
I would also say that if you can make that a true conversation, I don’t know any guy that wouldn’t want to know what’s working for you and what’s not. Personally, if I was doing something and it wasn’t doing it for you, I would want to know and do something else. It makes the woman happier which has a direct effect on making the guy happier. If I hear a woman getting into it that just fires me up all the more.
And yes I do laundry so I should be scoring major pts right now. Feel free to pass along my email address or friend me on FB 🙂
Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels says
oh, girl – amen to that. I am lucky to have a fantastic supportive husband, but even he can barely keep up with me on that front 😉 Hypothyroidism affected my energy levels for 3 years, not it’s finally getting better, so… it;’s on, honey 😉
Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels´s last blog post ..Shopping in Zurich- the Curiosity Market
I think women should do a better job of communicating to men why they aren’t in the mood, rather than tell them. If you’re tired from doing chores, perhaps the man could help you do chores so you can get in the mood? Perhaps if you tell them u like to do it once a week, the man can adjust his sex drive to do it once a week… communication is the key here.
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