OK, Seriously? Mind Your Own Business.

Our neighborhood is fairly quiet. The neighbors pretty much stick to their own. There is this one neighbor. Oh and, a few more that are a little, um…for the sake of diplomacy, not my type of people. And there’s this one nasty chick whose sneer I’d like to bitchslap off her face…

But whatev.

So anyways…

We have a neighbor. One whom I’ve known for a very long time. I know her kids. I grew up with them and even hung out with the daughter. A couple of my friends had a crush on her son, back when we were young.

She’s known my parents, for ever. She’s known my dad even longer than forever. And my sister.

She knows my children. My dogs. My husband.

She ran into my parents the other day and she started talking smack and shit to my parents about us.

So, I want to set the record straight…

No. We did NOT cover up my husband breaking my dogs leg by telling people she got hit by a car. She got hit by a truck on my 39th birthday when my friends son left my front door open and my dog escaped to chase after another dog. And…her leg wasn’t broken. Her toe was.

My husband did NOT abuse my dog. He was training her to go to the bathroom outside the way our trainer told him to handle it. Because honestly? We really don’t want inside our house to be a poop receptacle. And now, because of the training that you considered abuse… we have the most well behaved dog in the neighborhood. Plus, she RARELY has an accident in the house. Perhaps you’re just jealous?

This is where it gets ugly. Really, your gnarly, snaggle teeth came out. Mine fangs will come out even sharper and deadlier.

MY SON.

Don’t start spreading rumors about him because I become a vicious Mommy bear. And I will protect him till the end.

I have been told, time and time again, that he is the kindest, most empathetic, most compassionate little boy. He is not wild and bad like you told my parents he is. I’m curious to know what your description and definition of wild and bad is. Because…he is an energetic boy. If energy equals wild then I’d like to be a wild woman. I mean, who doesn’t want to harness the energy of a 6 year old boy and put it into the body of a 41 year old, exhausted mom?

You told my parents that he doesn’t have play dates because no mom wants their kid hanging out with him because of how bad he is in school?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

If this was true, which it isn’t, my son’s teacher would have told me how out of control he is.

She hasn’t.

In fact, she tells me the complete opposite. So does everyone. I can’t imagine that the entire school is lying to me and hiding the truth about my child from me. That would be very odd, dontchyathink. I would imagine that if my son was terribleawful that there would have been some sort of meeting to arrange intervention. Or mention of taking him to a psychologist to be evaluated. Or if he was that bad, he would be kicked out of the school.

Perhaps you have your own issues that you need to work through? If so, leave my family out of it.

Perhaps you thought you were being helpful and letting my parents know all the evils that are going on in my home? Well, thank you for your concern. But you’ve judged wrong. EXTREMELY wrong.

It’s people like you, who think they know what they are talking about yet have their head shoved in dark orifices that disturb shit. Horrible rumors get started because of ignorant idiots.

Unless you know what you are talking about, mind your own freaking business.

Thanks.

But you owe me an apology.

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