Child support, as defined by a few sites on the internet:
# In family law and government policy, child support or child maintenance is the ongoing obligation for a periodic payment made directly or indirectly by an (“obligor”) to an (“obligee”) for the financial care and support of children of a relationship or marriage that has been terminated…
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_support
# Child support is money parents pay for the care, support, and education for their child. It may include a monthly court ordered amounts for basic support, child care support, and medical support.
https://secure.childsupport.dhs.state.mn.us/whomc/Action/Links/GlossaryMews
# Payment of money for a child in a divorce, paternity, or family support act proceeding. Support includes health care, and may include educational and childcare expenses.
washtenawtrialcourt.org/friend_of_court/glossary_terms
There is a plethora of varied definitions to be found all over the internet but I’m sure you get the gist if not completely understand. But here, allow me. Basically, the ex, non-custodial parent person pays the custodial parent person money to keep, in this case, HER children clothed, fed, as well as some BASIC necessities. Easy peasy. Well, it should be.
Some women are lucky and their ex-husbands, the men who impregnated them, well, they understand the moral and financial obligation that comes with having children because they weren’t screwed up and stunted as children. And if they were, they’ve overcome it. And if they haven’t, they are somehow compensating for their shortcomings. So anyway, that parent pays regularly, the fixed amount. Not only that but, that wonderful parent goes above and beyond the call of the child support duty. They pay for…gasp…extras like baseball, hip-hop, tutors. And they don’t just expect that their measly amount of monthly support will stretch THAT far.
Me? Not so lucky. In fact, not only did I get a shit-heel of an ex-husband. But he’s an even shittier OBLIGOR. And really? Running full speed, face first into a wall of spikes will probably get me further than trying to explain reason and sanity to my ex. FRUSTRATING!!
For YEARS I had to take the donor of sperm to court to enforce payments. YEARS. Threats of bench warrants and jail had to be made by the Friend of the Court to him, in order to get him to see the seriousness of the situation and scare him into writing that check. Because he feels no particular obligation. In all honesty, that’s not completely his fault, we can blame his parents. BUT…get the fuck over it. 44 years old. Grow the heck up, get a set of balls and look your responsibilities in the blue and green eyes.
Anywhoo…
His arrearage multiplied quickly because, for over a year, he refused to pay child support. But now, and gee am I lucky, he pays every month. Plus an additional $80/month to buy down his year of non-payments. An extra $80/month really cuts into that mountain of money…
He still owes me a SHITLOAD.
But now? Our daughter is going to have her Bat Mitzvah in October. I told him that he needs to help pay for the small party because it shouldn’t be my husband…the Step-Father’s…responsibility. Or, he won’t be on the A list. Fair ’nuff?!
Wanna know the response? Yeah well, apparently my ex thinks that a)the arrearage…the past child support that he NEVER paid, for a WHOLE FLIPPING YEAR, the he OWES…should be his contribution to the Bat Mitzvah fund and b)he has to pay the arrearage because he needs his passport. It seems that he is going to flee the country before 2012 because he believes in every single conspiracy theory known to mankind. Can you say “whack job”?! But I digress…
I’m so confused. Because from my little corner of the 7 Acre Woods, arrearage and money to pay for a Bat Mitzvah are two totally different entities. Entirely. Or is it me that doesn’t get it? I mean, c’mon. Apples and oranges.
Also? If someone was leaving the country for the 2012 Apocalypse, I’m curious as to where he’d be going. I mean, did he NOT see the movie 2012? There is nowhere to run and hide. If it’s going to be the end then that means a passport sure as hell is not going to save you.
So, you might as well pay the arrearage. Pitch in for your only daughters Bat Mitzvah. And die in the fire-y pits of Apocalyptic hell like the rest of us.
I can see why he’s your ex.
My ex was pretty good about paying his child support, and splitting extras with me.
My husband’s exgf owes us 4 years worth of arrears, and we had to involve the state to assign a wage garnishment to collect her monthly child support. Total nightmare.
Sorry your ex is a loser.
Can you get him court ordered to stay put, because if he flees the country it might be impossible to collect the child support from him?
Yeah, they’re totally different!
And thanks for reminding me to make plans for the apocalypse!
I’ve never understood men who don’t seem to feel any real obligation at all to their children. They’ll do the right thing if they’re forced. Otherwise, it’s like pulling teeth.
And I love how he’s going to get out before 2012 – and is leaving his kids behind. If that’s not an in-your-face metaphor, I don’t know what is.
.-= Joni Golden´s last blog ..OCC Womencenter, AAUW Farmington Branch offer guidance in attending college =-.
In the fine states of MA and PA where I have worked in HR and dealt with payroll issues, the State just takes the money directly from the child supporter’s paycheck and deposits it right into the supportee’s bank account via the magic of electronic banking. They will also attach any tax return money from the state and federal government and I do believe the fine folks in MA will not let you renew your driver’s license if you are owing money.
Does Michigan do any of that?
As for the Bat Mitzvah (I love bar and bat mitzvah’s-they were so awesome. Especially when my friend Tom had his themed to Judy Garland Movies and I got to sit at the Meet Me in St. Louis Table) I think that is a lost cause. What about his parents? Would they be any help with this at all?
.-= Another Suburban Mom´s last blog ..Happy Easter =-.
Never have understood how parents rationalize not contributing to the care and feeding of their kids. Arrears/Bat Mitzvah… yeah, two totally different things.
In FLA, there is also wage and IRS garnishment for non-support payments. Does Mich. have anything like that?
I’m with Lisa though, if the ex does leave the country you may never see another cent. Not sure what foreign laws do to enforce US rulings. And some don’t recognize extradition. May be worth checking with an atty.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Weekly Winners ~ playing around =-.
Some people just don’t deserve air.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..So much better than the last one =-.
No one will give him a passport. But yeah, how he figures that all those missed payments can count as his share of the bat mitzvah is beyond me.
And I really don’t get the comment directly above me. Are you sure you’re on the right blog? And even if you intended that comment, is it necessary to be so judgmental toward someone you don’t know (And yes, I freely admit I just did exactly the same thing.)
.-= Janet´s last blog ..Decompression =-.
OK, the comment I was talking about has been deleted. I agree totally with Jennifer’s comment!!!!!!!!
.-= Janet´s last blog ..Decompression =-.
What? Who does that? So he’s actually only paying his arrears so he can have his passport to flee the country in 2012? And what country is he going to that’s so safe? SMDH…at him…and giving him the *side eye*…twice.
Sorry, my friend.
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
.-= Stesha´s last blog ..The Elusive Egg Can Not Elude Martha Stewart =-.
Love of my life, and first born of my many (2) children:
The kid (yes, I meant child) has never grown up, because his 88+ year old mother has never grown up. I told you years ago that you could NEVER count on him (or for that matter, no woman should ever count on the ex-significant other) for anything other than a “bootie call.” You have to treat any money received as a gift; yes, I know that the SOB owes it and should be castrated to make sure he pays it, however, most (not all) guys are stupid. If he does not pay for support, he ain’t gonna pay for the Bat Mitzvah. Therefore, neither him nor the Princess of Idiocy (yes, his mommy) should be invited. Do not reward stupid behavior by being more stupid. Tough love is not tough enough.
He owes support, present, and past. Do not count on him for the Bat Mitzvah. But, get the fricking support from him. Also, do not forget all of the other money he owes, prior to your getting married. Get every dime. If he can play poker with your present husband, then he can pay support.
Tell your ex- that he should pay on his own, because if your father gets PO’d enough, I will get involved in your post-divorce-judgment proceedings, and I swear that he will experience 2012 while wearing an orange jump suit with OCJ on the back ( no, not a new “orange julius drink”)
Su padre
Arrears vs. Bat Mitzvah? Apples vs. Oranges? Passport vs. apocalypse? Truth is stranger than fiction, indeed.
Damn sperm donors. If only we could do this conception thing on our own….
.-= Daisy´s last blog ..Signs of Spring at the O.K. Chorale =-.
I think I love your daddy! In a totally appropriate way of course.
.-= Another Suburban Mom´s last blog ..Happy Easter =-.