People die. It’s a cold, hard certainty of life. We are born with this bittersweet and slightly scary knowledge because it is entwined in our genetic make up. We are born. We die. Those two facts are completely and utterly out of our control. It’s what we do in-between, how we make a statement on the fabric of our lives as well as others…well, that’s completely within our realm of control. Mostly. Of course, shit does happen.
I was at a funeral today. A woman who worked for my Dad for years. She had been diagnosed, about 18 months ago, with a rare form of kidney cancer. She was 65. She left behind two kids. And a ton of friends.
I wasn’t close with her. In fact, after the funeral today, I realized how much this woman must have NOT liked me. Most likely because I’m the bosses daughter who was being prepped to take on some of her responsibilities. It wasn’t that we didn’t get along, when we worked together. We did, just fine. I’m sure though, there must have been some heavy duty resentment.
Anyways. Today was the funeral. I was sitting between my sister and my dad, watching the sanctuary of this small conservative synagogue fill up before the service started. My sister turned to me and said, in awe, “It’s incredible, 65 years of life can fit into a room of this size.” And it was then that it hit me, the true meaning of living on through someone.
Each person in that room represented at least one story, memory, thought, picture, IMPRINT…of her life.
For some reason, I always pictured living on through someone as a feeling in your heart. It never occurred to me that pieces of a life accumulated throughout every person that you somehow touched, like pieces of a puzzle. And that puzzle came together when these people gathered to embrace and celebrate a life and say goodbye to the body that housed that essence.
Simple really, this realization that most people probably already knew. But it never truly occurred to ME. At least, not in a way that I really listened or paid attention to. Until I was sitting at the funeral of someone that I never felt close to.
Then her son spoke. And he said EXACTLY what I had been sitting there thinking about. You make an impact on someone, whether you know them or not. Through words and actions. And then that person may go on to touch another because of something you did. And so on.
That is TRULY how you live on. That is what a legacy is.
She was so alive and vibrant in that sanctuary, through that funeral service that she orchestrated in the months prior to her impending death. Through words spoken by friends and family. Her strength of belief in Judaism and our God.
In that sanctuary, so many pieces of the puzzle gathered. People who she affected in some way. A woman who I didn’t know in the way that all of those other people did, who loved her and will miss her presence horribly. But her legacy in death to me, was to make me realize that I need to positively live each day in a way that will carry on and affect anyone who comes in contact with me.
This woman who, in life, annoyed me with her bossiness and seemingly brash and condescending ways suddenly became someone that I want to, in some strange way, follow her example.
Part of her has inexplicably lived on through me. I became, without even consciously realizing it, a piece in the puzzle of this woman and her life. I actually took something from a funeral and learned from it.
This epiphany. Will forever change a little piece of who I am. And I owe it to her and I thank her for it.
Death can bring on all kinds of epiphanies… I love this one. I don’t think it’s one I’ve realized before you put it out there for me.
.-= Jill´s last blog ..Hanging by a moment =-.
“Each person in that room represented at least one story, memory, thought, picture, IMPRINT…of her life.”
Wow.
I don’t think I’ve ever even thought about it, and yet it seems like it should be so evident. It’s so damn true.
.-= Maria´s last blog ..Vlog: WARNING! My boyfriend makes me giggly! =-.
This is a wonderful way to view how we affect other people’s lives. That we are all pieces in one another’s life puzzles.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Weekly Winners ~ surprised by light =-.
This is really beautiful. It’s strange – my husband and I were just talking about this the other night … about how you don’t always think about how you influence others , either negatively or positively, and how important it is to remember that we really are only here for a short time – might as be the best people we know how to be.
I especially like that you had this revelation at the funeral of someone you didn’t even know very well – it really drives the point home.
Thank you for this wonderful perspective!
-Ellie
.-= Ellie´s last blog ..Supernova =-.
Amazing. So very true. And the cool thing is when you start fitting those pieces together, even ones you didn’t know were there. PAints a picture of the person, and makes memories for those left behind.
Great post, thanks.. : )
I remember realizing that at my father’s funeral. There were all these separate clusters of people gathered around the room: his co-workers, his fishing buddies, schoolmates, etc. I realized that to different people, he was a different person and in each one of these circles, his passing left a gap but also left behind a piece of whatever he contributed to the whole. It’s easy to think we don’t make a difference when we are alive, but your post points out that every one of us has an impact.
.-= MomZombie´s last blog ..The wrong shade of green =-.
Wow! I have goosebumps. That was a very deep and very inspirational piece. Thank you.
.-= Gigi´s last blog ..All about boys =-.
I love this post. I think your realization is one that a lot of people never have. I don’t think I ever thought about a life in that way before now. It’s a pretty cool thing, actually. I love the fact that after I die, there will be a room full of all my different parts. That those parts will make so much sense in that moment, and that they will then leave and flutter about the world and wisk past others – touch others – become apart of others. That is pretty damn cool. Thanks.
This was a very moving post. It gives some great perspective on how you affect the lives of others. I wonder how pieces are in my puzzle?
Well done!
.-= Amy Phillips´s last blog ..Are you writing or are you selling? =-.
Wonderful post and a wonderful epiphany….
It is 1000% true….
We ALL touch each others’ lives in more ways than we ever will know….
even our Blogger lives…
.-= The Retired One´s last blog ..Canyon Falls in the Winter: Part TWO =-.
I never really saw it that way too. But that is true. Somehow, we all affect each other’s lives. Love this piece, M.XO
This? Was awesome.
Thank you.
.-= Sports Mama´s last blog ..My Philosophical Side Is Showing =-.
This was a wonderful, inspirational post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It has given me a lot to think about.
.-= SurprisedMom´s last blog ..Blue is my color =-.
I’ve never thought about it in quite that way. Thanks for the great post!
.-= amber´s last blog ..BBB Round 2: Four Foods that Make Dieting Doable. =-.
Actions leave traces and what is our life but a series of actions?
.-= annie´s last blog ..I Outed Myself =-.
Thank you for showing this to me.
Amy B.´s last blog post ..How Lucky Am I